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    My girlfriend claims to have never had an orgasm in her life?

    Asked Jan 29, 2007, 01:31 AM 14 Answers
    I have dated my girfriend for over 6 months now (I'm 26 and she's 21) and we've done just about everything sexually and she has not once orgasimed... and she claims that she's never even had an orgasm ever in her WHOLE LIFE even from herself masturbating... which I find hard to conceive, but she has stuck to that story repeatedly. I've done things with her (such as oral or very long lasting healthy sex uncountable times) of that when I've done the equivalent with past girlfriends it would ALWAYS give them orgasims, but with present girlfriend - doesn't work. She doesn't like receiving oral. She's willing (and I am too) to do sexual counseling of some sort, but is there such a thing? She has trust issues as her past (and only other) boyfriend cheated on her deceptively the whole they went out (two years) and she was very hurt (heartbroken) when she finally found out. Also, she used to "cut" herself as a child and has some marks on her forearms... she says she had trouble feelign anything... even when she cut herself... I asked her numerous times if she was ever abused sexually or physically in any form and she's assured me that she was never (she hasn't cut herself for years). Her parents are very wealthy and they sent her to live with a stranger Nanny in the USA (she's from Hong Kong) since 5th grade and I believe she has some possible unsolved abandonment issues and her Nanny was very controlling meaning didn't want her to have a life or hang out with family friends in the States in fear that she'd become independent or something like that and then wouldn't need her/the Nanny... I have been as loving and nurturing and comforting as I can conceive, but still no results... Is there any hope for my girlfriend to have orgasm?
    Last edited by Manifestation; Jan 29, 2007 at 01:05 PM. Reason: Change title to represent question more accurately
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    14 Answers
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
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    #2

    Feb 2, 2007, 12:25 PM
    Does your girlfriend let you know if something you are doing feels good? Has she tried different ways to masturbate? It probably wouldn't hurt to go see a counselor, but maybe you don't need a sex therapist. Maybe if she gets things out in the open that will solve the sexual issue. Hope this helps.
    Helpful (1)
    laylow80's Avatar
    laylow80 Posts: 67, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Feb 5, 2007, 01:06 PM
    She needs to be into it emotionally too, and if something from her past is holding her back, she might not orgasm anytime soon. Going to therapy is a good idea. Have you tried simulating her g-spot with your finger?
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    Manifestation's Avatar
    Manifestation Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Feb 5, 2007, 01:41 PM
    Well - since having posted this question up - she has revealed to me that both her Dad and Grandfather had/have mistresses aside from their wives and it seemed like there was some resentment or at least FEAR in trusting a man, because she has seen negative examples from her male role models... that said, I plan to be faithful and have expressed this to her in multiple ways, so I think this at least helped to get some past issues out in the open... I have tried stimulating her G-spot, but I'm actually confused if I'm hitting the right area - obviously I know where the clitorus is, but the g-spot - isn't that the soft circular spongey like thing inside?. I haven't made a regular practice of stimulating that spot though... will try that. If we need counseling - we'll go for it. On the good side - there seems to be slow progress from her in terms of her getting a bit more "into" sex little by little. Thanks for the input.
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    laylow80's Avatar
    laylow80 Posts: 67, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Feb 5, 2007, 01:56 PM
    It's a little hard to explain, try putting one finger in and lift, if you feel a small coin sized circular thing, with a hole at the top, that's the eurthura, so don't mess with that. The g-spot is back behind, it is located about one to two inches back from the vaginal opening inside the front vaginal wall. (wall on same side as her bellybutton) It's rougher than the rest of the vaginal wall. Once you find this spot, try rubbing it with one finger, while licking her clitoris. This should turn her on, after doing that for a while, have her on top, and see if anything is different during sex. See if she has an orgasm. When the guy is on top, the penis doesn't hit the right spots, and rub against the clitoris. So, when a girl is on top the curve of your penis hits the g-spot and when she goes up & down, your pelvic bone rubs against her clitoris. Sometimes a girl just needs more foreplay time in order to obtain the right orgasm.
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    Anayden's Avatar
    Anayden Posts: 67, Reputation: 19
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    #6

    Apr 21, 2007, 12:46 PM
    Not every woman has orgasms. Maybe she could try masturbating while you both are having sex. There is no need for alarm if she can't orgasm. A lot of women have this "problem" as some may call it. I use to have multiple orgasms and now its hard for me to have just one. So it just depends on the woman. Don't make her feel bad if she can't. Maybe she has, but doesn't know what it feels like. How does she know when to stop masturbating if she has never orgasmed? Im a little curious to know myself. I don't see any reason to pose an alarm because she cant. Tell her to talk to her doctor about it, maybe there is something she could do or try to do that would result in an orgasm. My best friend is 26 and she has only had one orgasm her whole life. I am 20 and had multiple. So it isn't age it isn't a medical problem, it just stuff that happens in a woman's body. I hope I helped a little. Let me know how it went.
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    maxmarnie's Avatar
    maxmarnie Posts: 5, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Apr 21, 2007, 02:10 PM
    Is she happy during your love making, it is only an issue if she is not enjoying love making, if she isn't then counselling is probably a good idea or even more talking between the both of you, you sound like you care very much for your partner and listen to her problems and she obviously feels she can talk openly to you about her experiences, so she's in the best hands, I didn't orgasm until my early twenties and it just kind of took me by surprise, don't make your partner think not orgasming is really weird because it may cause a lot more anxiety making things worse. All the best to both of you x
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    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,794, Reputation: 305
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    #8

    Apr 21, 2007, 03:25 PM

    Honestly, when I saw the title of your post - all I thought was: I bet she's in her early-to mid 20's.


    In my experience, a woman starts to be much more orgasmic and in touch with her body
    Around 26+...

    Be patient and let her learn how much you love her and how much time you will take to learn her body... and how she likes it... you'll discover together - enjoy!
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    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,321, Reputation: 1612
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    #9

    Apr 22, 2007, 12:06 AM
    my limited experience is that women who self explore and can achieve self stim to climax can have better sex lives with others.

    doesn't mean you cant get her there... but a lot of sex isn't physical, its mental. If you cannot lose yourself in the momtent, it doesn't matter if the partner is doing "everything right"...

    when my partner isn't ready mentally, I could work all day and get her nowhere.

    so... I agree with the other posters. She might be unavailable mentally. If she needs you to do other things physically and she's not telling you... well, what can you do about that??

    I've seen that each woman can like different things... and each woman can like different things at different times. What works on my partner today might not be right in a week when she's desiring something different and needing different sensations.

    so... sorry to say that your in a tought spot. Best you can do is try to keep her interested, keep an open discussion as best you can without her or your getting frustrated, and see if you can get her in the right place emotionally.

    when my partner just isn't there yet usually a full body massage is the thing to get her connected... and even then sometimes shed rather just pass out. =) oh well. Its just a challenge that's worth the trouble.

    just don't get too down on yourself.
    Helpful (1)
    Nayd's Avatar
    Nayd Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Nov 1, 2007, 03:45 PM
    I understand you. My girlfriend couldn't orgasm too. She took Sentia or something like this to be able to have orgasms. It was effective.
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