At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Girlfriend has pain when fingering / even kinda before actual penetration
Hey Guys,
my girlfriend (22 / virgin), has pain when I try to finger her. She said it feels like she's bursting. This might be normal for a virgin, except she said this feeling began already when I just barely touched her: When she complained about this bursting-pain, I penetrated only her labia, but not her actual vagina (so I was probably in about 1 cm.). I pushed a little further but it was just too much for her, so that we had to stop it.
Is it normal that virgins are so extremely sensitive down there? It might play a role that she has never even masturbated before, and we have a very high level of trust, so I would assume that she told me the truth about that. Also, I think I felt her hymen.
IF this is normal, what I assume, how can I make it go away? Of course I want her to feel pleasure, and eventually have sex with her, but I wonder how that would work out, considering how sensitive she is. Isn't fingering the right way to get it started? Or is it better do deflorate her first and kind accept that its painful but get it over with quickly?
HOw about starting with kissing? some petting, maybe?
She needs to see a gynecologist to rule out medical issues, and she needs to learn to please herself--because if she can't please herself, there's no WAY you're going to be able to figure it out.
If she is even THINKING of having sex, she should be on birth control, and talking to your gynecologist about your sexual issues could save your LIFE.
Ask her if it's worth dying because she's shy.
She NEEDS to believe that her gynecologist has seen and heard it all--and that if she doesn't talk to her about it, she could be risking a healthy sex life and a healthy understanding of her own body.
It can not be much fun if having pain during foreplay/sex. After all, this is meant to be an enjoyable and happy experience. If you get pain, it isn't.
The trouble will often resolve if the man takes more time with love play so that the woman's vagina relaxes and her natural lubricant flows, and if the couple use one of the sex lubricants.
Perhaps suggest she plays around alone until she feels more comftable.
It's important to realise that there is usually some emotional element in this problem??
If you experience pain during foreplay/sex, it's almost certain to be distressing for you and her. This distress may well make her tighten up down below. And this tightening up will very likely make the pain worse next time.
Vaginismus can cause both deep and superficial pain and is a common cause of pain during sex. It's a spasm of the vaginal muscles, caused mainly by fear of being hurt.
Some women with vaginismus have never been able to have full sex or even use tampons.
Some reasons this happens -
* a restrictive upbringing, in which the woman was brought up to view sex as nasty or dirty
*a background where rape or childhood sexual abuse has taken place. Experiences like these understandably make women fearful of sex and of being hurt.
*painful vaginal infections.
*unease with their partner – perhaps at an unconscious level.
Vaginal infection ?
These are very common. The one that huge numbers of women get is thrush.
But if the pain keeps on happening, she shouldn't feel you have to put up with it. Get something done to improve things and visit the GP o rue out mediclal issies.
I agree, there seems to be a medical component to this. I know something about Gynocologist visits by women, and if there is any pain down there it's not considered normal, please get yourself examined. Your tissues (even for virgin) are designed to stretch somewhat and aren't as sensitive to the touch as is being reported. Also young girls using tampons for the first time don't seem to be experiencing as much pain as you are either, and the smallest of tampons don't cause pain to a simple touch of the labia or the entrance to the vagina; possibily when being pressed through the hymen, but not when it comes to simple pressure.
Go see a Gynocologist. Not for the ability to have sex, but to make sure you are healthy. Untreated women's medical issues could lead to infertility in the future and you don't want to compromise your ability to have children or take care of something that could become much more serious and threaten your life.
I agree that Something IS going on, and it's bad... either she has had something VERY traumatic happen or she has a physical issue. If she will not go to her GYN, then, you will never have a relationship...Something IS wrong...
I don't think she is ready for sexual intercourse.
When a girl loses her virginity, it is painful. A man has to *force* his penis into her vagina to break the hymen...a girl may cry. That is just the way it is.
It only happens once, and it is never painful again unless a man abuses a women with too violent stroking, too long stroking....
Forget about the fingering. A young girl will not find that pleasant, but may hesitate to say to.
So, frankly, I think she is not ready for intercourse with you.
Fingering...Approach the vaginal opening with your tongue after she has already had an orgasm. Fingers have both bones in them and calluses on them. Ouch! The skin of the labia, especially inner, smaller labia can be extremely delicate and sensitive.
I wouldn't worry about it, she's never had sex before so she doesn't know what to expect. One of my exes, who wasn't a virgin, complained of the same thing. It turned out she was just nervous, and when we got beyond that the sex was great.
Every girl goes through it, she doesn't need to see a gyno. In fact, suggesting that to her is a terrible idea because that will make her feel like crap, then you'll have other problems on your hands.
All that medical and psychological garbage that people posted really is none of your business--of course you should know, but I mean to say that you're not a doctor, so don't even go there with her, you'll just start a fight--so you really don't need to worry yourself with any of that if, in fact, it is the case.
I don't have any advice in which you haven't thought of yourself, just keep your fingernails trimmed, file the sharp edges and keep your hands soft with lotion. She will notice. Also, be genuinely sensitive to her needs (and this is probably the only thing you have to do), she has to be comfortable in a sexual environment to like it.
Linear Mode
