Greetings, all. Firstly, thank you for taking a moment to read my post. Any and all suggestions or advice are well received and welcome.

The short summation of my issue is that my girlfriend has absolutely zero desire whatsoever in having sex or any type of intimate physical interaction and it is bothering me to the point of wondering whether I can continue this relationship.

Let me provide some additional context. I apologize if this is too much information, I just wanted to err on the side of more than less so folks reading can have all of the facts.

I recently turned 36 and my girlfriend is 37, soon to be 38. We have been dating for about 14 months at this point. In the beginning of the relationship (the first month), we had sex a decent amount of times and she seemed very “into” having sex. However, as time went on (say about months four onwards), we just stopped having sex. There was no big change or event, it just sort of happened. She would start to make excuses, mostly along the lines of she did not feel like it, her stomach hurt, she was PMSing, etc. It became evident that she had no interest in having sex with me whatsoever. We had the whole “do you not find me attractive” discussion and she assured me that she did. I finally got up the nerve to bring the issue up and she skirted around it, clearly not wanting to talk about it. After a bit, I started looking at her medicines and researching online to see if any of them may be to blame. Then we talked and she told me that the medicines may be to blame, but she still didn’t really want to talk about it or deal with it. It has always bothered me how it means so much to me and doesn’t seem to mean much to her. She was taking Aldactone for skin problems along with Yasmin for birth control. She went to her dermatologist and told them of the issue and they said it may be the Aldactone which had hormones or something in it. So, she stopped taking the Aldactone, or hardly ever took it and was just on Yasmin. This went on for about four months and no change at all in sex drive. She went back to the doctor at my urging and reported this and they switched her to Yaz and she started back on the Aldactone. This was about three months ago. No change whatsoever in her sex drive. She had one “wet dream” a few weeks back and honest to God, that is the only sign of sexual interest from her. We hug and give pecks on the lips, that is absolutely it. She does not like any type of kiss more than a peck, she does not like to be caressed in any way that may resemble a sexual manner and she will never, ever initiate any type of intimate contact with me. In the last year, I believe we have had sex about seven or eight times and every one of those was because I begged and pleaded and told her how I was hurting and we ended up scheduling sexual intercourse. Obviously, I was happy to get it, but it sort of takes the fun out of it when it is scheduled and she pretty much just lays there and takes it. During the act, she seemed mildly into it, but just very “lazy” about it for lack of a better term, meaning, if I was doing something, it’s good, but she made no effort and seemed glad when it was done. We even went one stretch of four months with no sex whatsoever. It was unbearable.

I feel I am getting near my breaking point with this issue and don’t see how I can go on forever with her like this. I love her to death otherwise and we have a great relationship. Lots in common, common values and interests and things of that nature. We’ve talked about moving in down the road and marriage a ways down the road (at least a year and a half), but this issue is killing me. There’s another issue of her being an incredibly light sleeper and not being able to sleep in the same bed as me due to snoring that sort of compounds this issue, but the sex drive issue is one I would love to fix.

Not sure what else I can tell you about the situation. I do not harass her about it every day, but once a week or so I indicate a desire or a displeasure at the situation, so she is well aware of it. I am not sure if it is the birth control, the skin medicine, her age, her background, her lack of desire for me or what, but this is killing me. Her doctor even said as a last resort that she could use some testosterone cream on her private parts, so maybe that’s an option.

Any advice would be appreciated. Do I just get out now or should I try something or should I just accept it and deal with it, which I am not sure I can?

Craig