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My girlfriend doesn't get pleasure from sex with me.

Asked Jul 8, 2012, 08:34 AM — 20 Answers
Hi I am 20 years old and my girlfriend is turning 19 very soon. We have been dating for almost 2 years now and started having sex after about 5 months. She wouldn't have sex for a long time in the beginning but she would always talk about doing it but when we got to the moment she wouldn't want to do it and she would say she wasn't ready. Eventually we has sex but I knew we were only doing it because of me. We had sex for about 30 seconds and then I finished. It was very embarrassing and she actually laughed. Anyway from then on out our sex life has been pretty horrible. In about a year I would say we only have had sex 40 times or so and she gets absolutely no pleasure from it at all. She gets no pleasure from me fingering her or going down on her. Sometimes I will lick her for 15 minutes or more and the only thing that happens is she starts to get dry.

Even though our sex life is horrible we both love each other very much. There is no doubt in my mind that she absolutely loves me and I love her so much to. I am not worried about her cheating on me or any of that. I just really want her to enjoy sex like I do and I would love if I could make her orgasm.

She has orgasmed before in her past relationships with two other guys. She also has told me that she enjoyed sex with them and that they had a lot of sex. She has told me that she used to tell her boyfriends to her and she used to moan and talk dirty. She doesn't moan and if I talk dirty to her she just sighs... She never wants to have sex and if I ever say do you want me to you she just says i don't know. Another interesting thing is she is very comfortable around me naked, she walks around naked all the time and has no problem just having her vagina out but she will not let me see her boobs. Her boobs are pretty big and in the beginning of the relationship she would let me see them and suck and lick them. Now she will only let me suck or lick them when it is completely dark and I cant see them.

She says her vagina is tight and that I hit the end of her. I think I have a small penis but she assures me that it isnt small. I am about 5 and 1/2 inches long and 5 inches thick. She tells me my is bigger than her first boyfriend who she could never orgasm from either. She said she enjoyed sex with him though bc the foreplay felt good but she couldn't feel anything during sex.

I really love my girlfriend and want this to get better. I know we can go on with our relationship just like this because we still have sex and she pleases me all the time either orally or hand jobs but honestly I would give up my orgasms to be able to give her orgasms.

I need some help and advice.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,324, Reputation: 24128
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#11

Jul 14, 2012, 04:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikehockey08 View Post
No not at all. She doesn't care and doesn't really want it to get better. She is completely and totally content with our situation.
I'm betting you misunderstand what is going on with her. Your brain is wrapped around the time in bed. The problem doesn't lie there, but is in her background and in her (lack of) knowledge of sex and in her understanding of herself and how her body works.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,324, Reputation: 24128
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#12

Jul 14, 2012, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by mikehockey08 View Post
I do understand that. Guilt? and lack of info? Not sure I understand what you are getting at there?
I reread your first post, so I may be off base, but this always catches my eye: 'She wouldn't have sex for a long time in the beginning but she would always talk about doing it but when we got to the moment she wouldn't want to do it and she would say she wasn't ready." Then, when you two finally had sex, you said she laughed. What was THAT all about?

This makes no sense if she had had wild and naked sex with other boyfriends before you came along. Something doesn't gel here.

Btw, a vagina is an internal "tube." Nothing about it is "out" and visible while someone is walking about nude.
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mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#13

Jul 14, 2012, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
I'm betting you misunderstand what is going on with her. Your brain is wrapped around the time in bed. The problem doesn't lie there, but is in her background and in her (lack of) knowledge of sex and in her understanding of herself and how her body works.
Okay I could see that definitely being part of the problem but why has she been able to have found pleasure in sex with he previous partners and even orgasmed with previous partners. As far as I am concerned she has had sex a lot with a small amount of partners. Two of three partners she has had sex with have made her orgasm. So she says. Is it possible that she thinks she orgasmed?
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mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#14

Jul 14, 2012, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
I reread your first post, so I may be off base, but this always catches my eye: 'She wouldn't have sex for a long time in the beginning but she would always talk about doing it but when we got to the moment she wouldn't want to do it and she would say she wasn't ready." Then, when you two finally had sex, you said she laughed. What was THAT all about?

This makes no sense if she had had wild and naked sex with other boyfriends before you came along. Something doesn't gel here.
EXACTLY! After 5 months she finally let me have sex with her. It was horrible, rushed and lasted all of 45 seconds and I may be over exaggerating that time. It was embarrassing for me to say the least. I pulled out and tried to not but I couldn't hold it in and as I pulled out I said can you just finish me off... I know stupid but then when I was out I came and couldn't stop it. Then I said nevermind and shes like what? I said I came... and she chuckled.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,324, Reputation: 24128
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#15

Jul 14, 2012, 05:05 PM
Is it possible she's lying to you about those partners and what happened?
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mikehockey08's Avatar
mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#16

Jul 14, 2012, 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
Is it possible she's lying to you about those partners and what happened?
No I don't think so. She is very honest and she wouldn't lie about that stuff. However recently she has been trying to tell me something but I keep rebutting it and she doesn't go any further. When we start talking about attempting to make her orgasm and why she was able to do it with her other two boyfriends. She has been saying something like No you don't understand it wasn't that easy and it didn't always happen. I then responded by saying well you told me in the past that they made you orgasm and that you moaned and talked dirty but you won't do it with me and then she won't go any further because she just says whatever. This is also a problem because if I start to attack her in this way (by brining up the past) she completely shuts down and our conversation is over.
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mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#17

Jul 14, 2012, 05:13 PM
I think I should also add that I do believe that I have a premature ejaculation problem. So sex doesn't last very long anyway. The times it has lasted long it has seemed like she has enjoyed it more. Maybe its all me? When we first started having sex she also said that it wasn't good because I was just inexperienced and that as I got better it would get better. Maybe I just never got better. Also she doesn't like having sex at certain times because she thinks its disgusting and hates getting dirty, this normally only happens if I kind of just have sex with her and we have no foreplay what so ever.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,324, Reputation: 24128
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#18

Jul 14, 2012, 05:16 PM
Since I can't be in the bedroom with you two and be interviewing her , do me a favor and play detective. Forget your own ego for a while and see if you can find out from her what she isn't saying and hasn't been able to say. Make the proper noises of understanding and empathy. I'm betting you can do a good job of drawing her out. This will be good for her, for you, and for your relationship. Remember, don't let your own ego get in in the way.

Then we will work on your situation.
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mikehockey08's Avatar
mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#19

Jul 14, 2012, 05:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
Since I can't be in the bedroom with you two and be interviewing her , do me a favor and play detective. Forget your own ego for a while and see if you can find out from her what she isn't saying and hasn't been able to say. Make the proper noises of understanding and empathy. I'm betting you can do a good job of drawing her out. This will be good for her, for you, and for your relationship. Remember, don't let your own ego get in in the way.

Then we will work on your situation.
I will do exactly that but I will let her bring it up when we talk about sex again because we speak of it often.

Also I used to be completely lost in her vaginal area because she used to be very uncomfortable with me looking at it or touching/licking or doing anything besides inserting my penis. Now she is very comfortable and spreads wide open for me to perform oral sex. I know that I am stimulating her clitoris because I can see and feel it. However it doesn't seem to have much of an affect. On a few occasions however when the foreplay has escalated slowly and she is very wet by her standards I have licked her clitoris directly and she kind of flinched so I continued and she kept pulling away and then said it kind of hurts, so I stopped and we just had sex. This has happened more than once.
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mikehockey08's Avatar
mikehockey08 Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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#20

Jul 14, 2012, 05:22 PM
Also thank you in advance for your help Wondergirl. You can't even imagine how much I appreciate it.
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