I have been reading up about it a lot b/c if you have read my other question i haven't been able to get an orgasim for 5 months of being sexually active with my boyfriend.
Now the question. Does masturbating actually work? or is buying a vibrator a way to go? or am i just giving up to quick?
i am at a loss b/c i want to have fun and i don't want my boyfriend to get down on himself about being done to fast and not being able to satisfy me.
Okay, masturbation really does work if you know how to please yourself. Not only that, but it can also turn the boyfriend on.
There are many different positions, some work for others, some don't you have to experiment. Honestly, some women I know never have had an orgasm, but that does not stop them.
Take your time. Sometimes just the pressure of expecting an orgasm can cause you not to have one. Just relax.
hhmmm, well for some reason i am still subconcious about my body and i feel dirty if i ever feel like doing that.
when we experiment with some positions it can be fun, but there are some that again (here are these words again) that make me feel dirty
but going off topic for a section when he thrusts sometimes i get this weird painful feeling. is he penetrating to far or i am still ne at this...cause at times it happens and i can't ignore it and it turns me way off cause it hurts.
so i guess i am still very clueless and need a whole lot of advice
Well, the thrusting can be painful until you are used to it, and that can take a while.
I am assuming you are relatively young, at least at heart, from your post.
Yes, you may feel dirty, but it is all normal really.
Before you can teach him what feels good to you, you must know yourself. And, yes, you have to teach him. He is not a woman, so he does not know how a woman feels. You need to explore your own body either by yourself (preferably) or with him. When he touches you in a way that feels good let him know that it feels good. We cannot assume that our men know how to make us feel good, cause they don't. This is all a learning experience.
I have been with my hubby for 15 years and I still tell him what new things work and what things don't work. Of course, you have to tell them in the right way what does not work so as not to offend them. LOL
Foreplay, masterbation, practise and more foreplay, practise and masterbation and more foreplay. The more you explore your own body on your own or even with your boyfriend the more he will know on how to pleasure you.
you want to orgasm? Get on top of him. Take control and move at your own pace. Then as you are riding him on top (I recommend doing it slow until you are wet enough) have him gently rub your clitorious (did I spell that right?)and just move your hips back and forth...slowly. This will make you even wetter and most likely you will *** in 30 seconds to a minute.
You have to think sexual thoughts. Think about porn or something that you saw at one point that really turned you on while you are doing this. It is not wrong, it is not sinful, it is all good....
You have what is called the good girl syndrome.
You think that masterbation is bad you probably think ****jobs are bad.
and you think doggie style is bad.
They are not bad.
Masterbation helps you find what you like.
****jobs keeps him on his toes and faithful.
Doggie style keeps things interesting.
Remember have fun and practice makes perfect.
You have many good things to consider that have been offered here. I would like to add this in response to this one thing you said...
Quote:
Originally Posted by roze18
when he thrusts sometimes i get this weird painful feeling. is he penetrating to far or i am still ne at this...cause at times it happens and i can't ignore it and it turns me way off cause it hurts.
At the risk of sounding like an anatomy lesson, men comes in sizes and women come in sizes. If a man with a longer penis matches up with a woman with a shorter vagina, thrusting can cause the penis to hit the cervix. Not only is that not a fun feeling at all but repeated cervix battering is not healthy either. Some people may have trouble believing this is possible but I know firsthand.
If this is the case with you two, he needs to learn not to be so deep inside, or to thrust hard only to a certain point and then augment with shallower strokes. Also there are some positions that will increase or diminish this problem so experiment to find what works.
It can be very challenging to become or sustain arousal if you are experiencing discomfort too much of the time. Feel free to address the actions that don't feel right.
I hope this helps and please ask further questions if you have more, okay?
I think one of the key issue here is your feeling about sexuality in it's entirety. The words 'dirty' probably come up in your mind a lot, and this could be because of the way you were brought up.
When I was a teenager, sex was never mentioned in our home, I didn't even know what menstruation was until I had an accident at school and my teacher educated me. Not knowing anything about sex, I was also raped at 15 - and this took me a long time to get over - didn't get help from Mom, or anyone else.
As I matured, and was working in the OB/GYN Clinic, I finally realized that women CAN enjoy sex just as much as men do, and that it's OK to leave the lights on, and even walk around naked in front of my man.
Plain and simple, I was a prude until I met a man who understood this and helped me one step at a time to start enjoying my sexuality and that there was nothing wrong with me. After that, the physical pains that I experienced went away because I was not so 'cramped' in the relationship.
But, it did take me a long time to 'convert' and WOW, what a change.
When you see your doctor, talk to him/her about your 'subconscious' aversion. This could be one of the causes that prevent you from enjoying your self. A healthy attitude can make a big difference.
Good luck dear - and keep on asking, as valinors.. says - we all had to experiment and learn. This does not come 'natural' to any woman.
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