My bf and I have been together for 7 months, everytime we have sex he only lasts 2to 3 minutes. Seriously, I am not over or under exxagerating. We have talked about it and tried lots of different things but nothing seems to be working. I am becoming very sexully frusterated. I dont want to seem shallow but I dont know how much more of this I can take. What on earth can we do to change this? What could be the problem? Any thoughts?

In my last post I was having problems with my bf and him reaching orgasm quickly. Since then we've been talking and he tells me that he has only had this problem with me. We had a period where we broke up for a month and in that time he said that had a couple of one night stands and didnt have this problem. Before he was with me he said he had a "friend with benefits" for 8 months and he didnt have this problem with her. Could I be doing something wrong? I asked him what was it about me that causes him to "" so quickly and he says he doesnt know. Again, as in my previous post, I am becoming very sexually frusterated and I just want a soultion.

kp2171

do you use condoms to try to reduce sensitivity? do you take the top? what exactly have you tried? how old?

Smoked

Ok so this is an adult section so graphic this may be, but your reading about this topic so tough..


have you tried to just keep going when he goes? Some guys learn that you can keep it hard even after you go, keeping that erection you can continue to pleasure your partner and it's much harder to just "go" again. This may give you the time you need for satisfaction. Now, what about letting him orally or manually get you off during your "foreplay". Sometimes I try to give my wife multiple orgasm before insertion. That way when I go, in a long time, short time or anything in between, her needs have already been met.

forgot to mention, have him ejaculate more often, or have sex more often. Both will give him a little more stamina.

kp2171

i do agree with the notion that if nothing else works to ease his situation, getting her off first, especially with oral, is a good route... though some women have said orgasm through intercourse can be more "fulfilling"... that said, something vs nothing isnt a tough decision, right? and as ive mentioned here many times, i prefer to push my partner of the top or close to it with oral first anyway. just primes her best for intercourse.

i was going to ask if she ever self stimulated after she wrote back, but honestly... if hes coming that fast, shell barely have time to get her mind in the moment. also, a vibe at the cl!toris could amp things up, but again... he needs to try to train himself to hold back.

one issue with staying hard after ejaculation is that the physical act of ejaculation can prevent sustaining an erection, at least short term, and if achieved, the quality of the erection may be diminished. those who espouse the male multiple orgasm aim to stop short of ejaculation, then amp up again, and again, until emission occurs.

as you mentioned, if he can self stim and stop short, learning to control his muscles better and his mental state, he might be able to achieve longevity. was curious about his age and experience too.

Choux

I don't know what fantasies about sex you have in your head or how long it takes you to orgasm through various means, but I will say that you can have a good sex life with a man who can last 2-3 minutes if you are hot as a pistol when he begins stroking.

My husband was a premature ejaculator....two minutes would have been a long time for him....but I was able to adjust my sexuality to fit the situation, and much to my benefit. With every situation there is a plus and a minus. I was able to come very quickly if I wanted to....all through training myself to have strong orgasmic neural networks. That is a super plus for a woman.

My opinion, if he isn't husband material and you cannot adjust to his abilities, find another boyfriend. He is probably feeling terrible now about his sexuality....if the situation hasn't worked itself out, it probably won't for the two of you without therapy....therapy is for serious relationships and married folks. I guess you have to decide now where this whole thing is going and make your decision accordingly.

kp2171

i respectfully disagree. sort of.

i do agree that one shouldnt bang ones head against a wall when in a less serious relationship... and that serious relationships deserve more effort...

but if a woman endured sexual trauma and had a mental block, she shouldnt wait to be in a serious relationship to get help, and we wouldnt hesitate to tell her to get help... and hope any bf supported her while she got the help she needed. and while its best to be mentally and physically ready for a relationship before you dive in, life happens.

i do believe too many try to hard to fit the round peg in the square hole...done it myself. but id rather see the guy get some help if he needs it now than to pass him on to the next unsuspecting mate.

CaRRazyBootiful

Well he's 29 and I'm 28. He hasnt been in a serious relationship in 3 years and he says this is part of his problem. Most of the time I'll perform oral before intercourse and I tell him to tell me when he's about to have an orgasm so we can slow down and change postions. We haven't really perfected that because I'm not really sure he can tell or maybe he tells me too late. It is hard for me to get too into it because when I start to thats when he orgasms and then I'm dissapointed. He does try to satisfy me orally but he gets tired. I take a long time and I try to coach him and just when I'm almost there he stops... I usually just have to finish myself off.

The good thing is, is that even when he does orgasm he can go again and the next time its usually a little longer, but its just the sam cycle. He gets tired. I dont know why but it always takes me a long time to orgasm even in my previous relationship...

Choux

Hmmm, good follow-up. The crux of the matter is whether this is a serious relationship.....going to a sex therapist so that your boyfriend and you can work on exercises and mindframe; spend money and time on the "problem".

If it is not a serious relationship, why bother? You take a lot of stroking to come, that is a given....if not a serious relationship, you two are mismatched, in my opinion.

Choux

Apples and oranges, kp, in my opinion,

A woman who has been molested as a child or young teen needs to be in therapy whether or not she has any kind of male relationship at all, specifically with a good male therapist.

Considering the statistics about child molestation, I consider myself very fortunate not to have had anyone molest me to any degree.....once on public transportation when I was 12 or 13, an old man next to me rubbed my breast, fortunately, I had on a winter coat. Chicago!!

I have no idea what a deep down betrayal would feel like, but I know years of therapy would be a must.

Fr_Chuck

yes, and of course there are hand, viberators and other things he can help with and use before he even starts, so he can consider getting started after your 2nd or 3rd time perhaps.