i have this fear of being on top of my bf during sex.. i am belly dancer too which its not about my moves but of him looking at my body which i have never been fond of. he has been very patient w/me & always tells me loves me & my body. we have tried but i do not feel comfortable which makes him uncomfortable...but i am dying too... everytime we have sex i avoid it & just do the usual positions. not to mention i have a hard time having an orgasm & all my friends tell me its the best position to get one. any advice?

rodandy12

Good sex is about being relaxed with your partner. If it makes you uncomfortable, it is hard to be relaxed.

On the other hand, not wanting to be on top is extremely rare in my experience. It appears to me to be true that it is easier for women to climax on top. Reverse cowgirl is probably the best.

hollylovesbrandon

well, if you are a belly dancer i wouldn't imagine your self-esteem to be low.

Apparently it is however. The thing you need to work on is realizing that he is so engrossed in the feeling down below that he is not noticing your every flaw like you are.

simoneaugie

I know exactly what you mean! Do it in complete darkness. Hang dark things over the blinds if you have to. Your boyfriend will probably enjoy helping prepare the room for "maximum mysticism." When you have sucessfully done it on top in complete darkness, light a candle in the far corner of the room.

Nestorian

I see...???

Ever do it with out the lights, or by candle??? Blind folds are always fun, eh??? I will break this whole sex thing with a bit of a downer. A person can tall some one that they love them, but cna they show it?? And no i'm not talkin about sex, that is showing of love, but there is sooo much more too it. Gental caressing, cuddling, just looking. All very Key to the reality that love is more than just sex, or gettting what you want. It's about showing apritiation. Maybe you need to let him know you feel this insecurity? Then again as so many do say, What do you want me to say, or do?? Personally I know what to do, show the person i Love how i want to be loved, and be open for them to ask anything, and be willing to try jsut about anything, with in reason of course. Remember Relaxed is the best and only way.

May love-kindness be with you.

kellyjo

I understand your concern I feel the same way, but part of it is not the insecurity it is laziness. When having sex and your getting so much attention put on you the attention is put on him when you get on top. You have to do the work. It is selfish but true. Try to start the sex and give him all the attention, as he might you, then you are already in control of the situation and it flows into you having control and pleasuring him. The end result is good for both of you.

Choux

I had a fear of being on top, too.

I tried it with my husband once, and not only did I feel like I was going to break his penis off, I felt like I couldn't get an angle and it would pierce my vaginal wall. I was nervous and stiff as a carp!

Fortunately, there are many, many ways to have great sexual relations.

smoothy

Think about it this way....he likes you the way you are even if you might not.

On top you can do exactly what feels best for you and trust me...for the average guy, we love it. Our hands are free to do.....well use your imagination a little for that.

If you do anything thats going to hurt he will tell you, trust me.

kp2171

well mixed feelings on this one.

woman on top can be a powerful position for many as you have more control over the rhythm, pressure, and angles that you get stimulated. for ex, my partner likes the feel of missionary, but just doesnt reach orgasm in that position. like ever.

woman on top is much better for her. the "row the boat" motion of woman on top can be very different than the man's action when he's in control. your cl!toris is somewhat away from the action... now that can be good because strong, direct overstimulation can feel uncomfortable for many... but you still need a way to get the pressure where you want it, when you need it. woman on top is one way to possibly do this.

also, ill say this now and you can choose to do whatever you wish... but self stimulation during intercourse can also be a great way to push yourself over the top. yes... the first time you do it you might feel uneasy. ok. but seriously... you are naked, you are having sex. exploring your body ISNT against the rules. if anything when i see my partner self stim during sex i dont think "i must be doing something wrong"... i think "shes into the moment and isnt leaving the bed without an orgasm"... fantastic. so you are getting in your own way. its ok. it happens.

please at least keep this in mind. more than one lover ive had was open minded enough to not be embarrassed to self stim, or ask for me to stimulate her with a wet finger during intercourse... and the results have been great.

so why did i say "mixed feelings" if i think its a good position? because great sex begins in your mind. if you cannot lose yourself in the moment you are going to have problems releasing. all the "right" stimulation given to my partner wont get her there if she has mental blocks in the way.

period.

so... consider what others have mentioned. if a darkened room helps you for now, fine. the idea of being blindfolded or blindfolding your partner can introduce another level of sexual tension (the good kind). but in the end, you need to work your way toward being more comfortable in your own skin.

there are other positions that might work for you, but again, some might require you to self explore and let go of some anxieties and shyness.

so dont beat yourself up mentally about being shy. but dont just accept that you cannot work your way out of it. you might not be able to get the release you seek by taking the top position if you arent mentally comfortable... but thats where you need to start to enjoy the moment.

Altenweg

I love being on top, I can control the movement, the tempo and direct his penis to
my most pleasurable places. Take it slow at first until you figure out what you
are doing, practice makes perfect.

There are lots of other positions to try, don't be afraid to experiment. If you really
hate it then cross it off your list, but you won't know until you try.

Have fun, and remember, unless you want to become pregnant, use birth control.