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Last night I was spending some time with my boyfriend. We ended up having sex. After he said it was good, but then went on to say that sex with me is different than with anyone else he has slept with. I asked him why, and in return to that he said, its hard to explain but its all in here, and pointed to his head, rather than here and pointed to his penis. I asked him to expand, he just said it was more emotional than physical....paused...and then said, its good though.
I know most people say lads are straightforward and say what they think, but i still felt there was a...but... that he never told me! I just wondered if anyone had any ideas as to what he means by emotional not physical, as he does always ejaculate, and usually its too soon for either of our likings, so it mustn't be too bad?
You might be able to understand what he is saying if you compare orgasms from masterbation with orgasms with a partner.
Men can have orgasms without ejaculation which we may be able to call mental or emotional orgasms. Pure physical might be in the category of "Wham, bam. Thank you ma'am" category. Place orgasms in a continuum.
Men and women are wired a little differently. Emotions are more prevelent in women. Technical and physical in men. This, in itself, makes the concept difficult to understand.
I can see very clearly the concept is not an easy one. Sometimes I would like to ask more questions, but sometimes my partner can get a bit impatient when it comes to explaining his mind and his thoughts.
Basically all I would like to know is if people generally think its a negative statement or a positive statement that he made by saying what he did.
It may help if I were to tell you that I am a love making passionate innocent adult female, whereas he is more of the kinky, dirty, visual sort of adult male when it comes to sex, however we have learnt to compromise, but basically all I'm wanting to know is based on his statement, should I look into more if its coming across as negative or ignore it and move on?
Always remember the old adage, "actions speak louder than words".....give up asking a guy the kind of questions that he is likely to give you a lie or misdirection back! How he feels about you is reflected in how he treats you in all ways. What he *does*.
given your description of hes being more kinky... i guess id take the comment as "fine"... not a great compliment, but not a slam, and in the end, if hes still a giving lover, perhaps its a good sign.
a guy whos been indulged in what you call kinky or dirty sex has explored role playing and visual stimulation... the good news is even if he misses it some... if hed like you to take on some of those roles or fetishes... the fact that hes able to enjoy sex mentally means the visual aspects and role playing arent "crutches" he needs to enjoy sex.
thats good news.
im guessing id make his day if you occasionally indulged in one of his fantasies, but all that said, he seems to be able to connect mentally, and thats a great thing.
the downside of the comment? just might mean you are leaving things "on the table" that might pleasure him... but thats not a big deal. you shouldnt do anything you are uncomfortable with, and i really dont think he meant it to apply pressure.
so as long as he seems content, and as long as he is a giving lover who seems interested and engaged in making sure you are happy... i wouldnt lose one wink of sleep over the comment.
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I think this guy is getting the raw end here. I think he was telling you he actually cares about you as opposed to it being about getting a piece. To put it a way a woman might understand it, "he doesn't have sex with you, he makes love to you"
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