embarrassed by sexuality

My wife and I have been together for seven years. This question is really about her, and what i can do to help. My wife has always had issues with sex being "dirty". Over the years its been better and worse. Ive tried to help in every way i can think of, some of it no doubt in my dumb blundering male way. recently (2 years or so) its been much worse. We did just have children so i expected sex drive to decrease, but i did not expect an increase in the icky perception. Here are some basics.

She can an does orgasm very regularly during intercourse.

She is embarrased of sexuality, and we have devolved into one position with lights off (not always that way).

She has been embarrased about sexualtiy way before me (was married before and had a couple of sexual partners total) so its not just with me. I understand that it was worse with first hubby as he was not understanding.

Tried a counseler, but they only want to deal with our relationship, not the underlying sexuality issues. The focus from the counselor we tried was to get me to accept a limited sex life. This is not something my wife or i want, and it did not help her sexual idenity, just decreased the tension.

Weve tried lots of sex, it sort of helped, weve tried no sex, things just got worse, the less i asked, the less she wanted. At one point we were down to once every 2 months, but she was having regular sex dreams, so its not like the hormones were not there.

We both think there is some mental block. We have not been able to find a good counselor, and at ths point i am becoming concerned. I have had increasing resentment, which i try not to show. When we have talked i ask what does she want out of her sexuality (ie: what is your ideal sexuality level) and she feels uncomfortable talking about it (new). It feels as if she has gotten to the point that sex is icky, so why would she want to imporve it. I know its driving her nuts too, and is messing with her self esteem.

The rest of our relationship is great (as can be with two little ones 3 and under).

any advice? Suggestions?