A quick summary. I'm 37 but still young looking and still have a very good sex drive. I've have had many many partners and very good at maintaining long term relationships with my girlfriends. I currently have a girlfriend who is 11 years younger than me and she is beautiful. She started out as my roommate and we were in a relationship within 10 days. Now we have been living together for 1 1/2 years.
Here's the problem. I absolutely for the life of me can't seem to desire to have sex with her anymore. Understandably, this is a huge problem for her. I'm not cheating and have never cheated on her. Let me say that this isn't the first time I've been through this problem. Pretty much since 1996, my relationships ended because of my "lack of interest". When I met this girl I told myself "if I ever lose interest in sex with her, I know there is something wrong with me". Well it's happened, many months ago.
At one point in my life I went 5-months without having sex with my previous girlfriend. Needless to say, she cheated on me and I didn't blame her. Coming up with exuses all the time is really beginning to become stressful, and I want to throw in the towel for that alone.
Now as far as love goes, to be honest, I'm not really sure I do. Regardless, is love really the culprit? Once lust evaporates and the infatuation is over, is it love which is needed to still desire sex with your partner? What about typical male hormones? After all, this is what she seems to think is all I need. I'm a man, she's a woman ( at least that's her thinking)
At any rate, this is an ongoing problem for me. I admit, I am addicted to the infatuation process. The idea of being with a new woman really strokes my ego and I am a very passionate person. I rely on my passion to keep things exciting, but my passion is gone.
Could it possibly be a health issue that you should talk with a doctor about? I am willing to bet that your case of loss in interest will not be the first he/she has heard. Wouldnt it be a relief to you to know if it were a medical reason and not something more obscure?
A quick summary. I'm 37 but still young looking and still have a very good sex drive. I've have had many many partners and very good at maintaining long term relationships with my girlfriends. I currently have a girlfriend who is 11 years younger than me and she is beautiful. She started out as my roommate and we were in a relationship within 10 days. Now we have been living together for 1 1/2 years.
Here's the problem. I absolutely for the life of me can't seem to desire to have sex with her anymore. Understandably, this is a huge problem for her. I'm not cheating and have never cheated on her. Let me say that this isn't the first time I've been through this problem. Pretty much since 1996, my relationships ended because of my "lack of interest". When I met this girl I told myself "if I ever lose interest in sex with her, I know there is something wrong with me". Well it's happened, many months ago.
At one point in my life I went 5-months without having sex with my previous girlfriend. Needless to say, she cheated on me and I didn't blame her. Coming up with exuses all the time is really beginning to become stressful, and I want to throw in the towel for that alone.
Now as far as love goes, to be honest, I'm not really sure I do. Regardless, is love really the culprit? Once lust evaporates and the infatuation is over, is it love which is needed to still desire sex with your partner? What about typical male hormones? After all, this is what she seems to think is all I need. I'm a man, she's a woman ( at least that's her thinking)
At any rate, this is an ongoing problem for me. I admit, I am addicted to the infatuation process. The idea of being with a new woman really strokes my ego and I am a very passionate person. I rely on my passion to keep things exciting, but my passion is gone.
Taking the train, limited express.
Well that may be. However, I don't think I would have a problem with any of the countless women I see. Only once the infatuation is gone and I need to respond to intimacy.
It seems more like a psychological reason to me. Do you think that you are just getting bored? Could it be that you want to try new things? The reason I say that is because I am the type of person (and I'm sure a lot of people are), that gets bored with sex after awhile. I need something new and exciting to pique my interests again. I don't mean for me finding a different partner, I mean building on the sexual relationship. Even the law of diminishing marginal utility can apply to sex. You may have sex a great deal in the beginning, but after awhile it can get mundane.
Well that may be. However, I don't think I would have a problem with any of the countless women I see. Only once the infatuation is gone and I need to respond to intimacy.
You answered your own question.
It's the INTIMACY that kills your libido.
Please see a counselor regarding your intimacy issues. it's not your little head that has the problem, it's your big head.
Sure, intimacy problems may be a big part of it but I like jfsmith81's answer about the boredom. I feel like I must always be chasing women and it gets boring to be with the same one. I tend to feel a little resentment towards my significant other because I know I must stay faithful and true. The commitment thing really puts a damper on my relationships. But yet, I have no problem remaining faithful and committing.
Sure, intimacy problems may be a big part of it but I like jfsmith81's answer about the boredom. I feel like I must always be chasing women and it gets boring to be with the same one. I tend to feel a little resentment towards my significant other because I know I must stay faithful and true. The commitment thing really puts a damper on my relationships. But yet, I have no problem remaining faithful and committing.
Then maybe love is a factor as well. When you love someone you wouldn't resent your partner for making you feel that you have to stay faithful. It would be something that you yourself would want to do. You already said that you don't think that you love this person. Maybe when you find someone that you love you won't ever be able to keep your hands off of her.
I think that many marriages/partnerships end up without much sexual interest on the part of both partners. Often, women want "sex" because that is the only time that they are physically close with their partners/husbands, but as for the sex, they could care less.
Anyway, it takes more than sex and good looks to hold a relationship together on a long term basis, that's for young folks. What it takes to make a lasting relationship is COMMITTMENT to long term GOALS, and two people who have deeper concerns than you about life and who they want to be in life.
Then maybe love is a factor as well. When you love someone you wouldn't resent your partner for making you feel that you have to stay faithful. It would be something that you yourself would want to do. You already said that you don't think that you love this person. Maybe when you find someone that you love you won't ever be able to keep your hands off of her.
Good luck
Your very right. I am this way when I am infatuated. It's not a one answer problem, there are many variables involved. Probably not something that will be solved on a forum. If I could use the analysis of infatuation being a flame, then I burn myself out before the love begins. The beginnings are always very intense. I constantly need to be feeling out for a new fix. So maybe the question should be changed to...how does one stop the addiction of infatuation?
Your very right. I am this way when I am infatuated. It's not a one answer problem, there are many variables involved. Probably not something that will be solved on a forum. If I could use the analysis of infatuation being a flame, then I burn myself out before the love begins. The beginnings are always very intense. I constantly need to be feeling out for a new fix. So maybe the question should be changed to...how does one stop the addiction of infatuation?
I will tell you my dear. One stops the addiction of infatuation when you meet someone that you never really have. It might sound a little ridiculous, but it is true. I am talking about someone that you are never sure when you are going to have sex with them the next time. Unfortunately, sex to some people is a precursor of love, the more they give the more and faster someone loves you, or you think that you will love that person. This is so not true. I would say that if you are going to pursue your next relationship wait a little while before having sex, not only will the anticipation increase the desire for that person, but it will also give you a chance to figure out if you could fall inlove with that person. Futhermore, if you have sex with her and you don't know when the next time you will have sex with her again it keeps it exciting. Then starts the cycle all over again, the anticipation.
It is literally the thrill of the chase.
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