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doesnt find me attractive, doesnt want sex with me, isnt sure he wants a relationship
please read this, i need your help
im 18 and so is my boyfriend iv been with him for 10 months and for about 5 months hes telling me hes not ready to commit and isnt sure he wants a relationship.and at points hes said he wants to feel he can do stuff with other women should the situation arise.but then he changes hes mind. he hasnt said this in ages though so im not sure if that is an issue now. any way hes still not 100 percent in the relationship and sometimes is still not sure if he wants to be in one . i know he loves me. also for a few months now are sex life has been bad, it used be really good and he always wnted it. said it was a big part of his life. now he says he doesnt realy feel like sex though he still wanks and looks at porn, and about a month ago he told me that he doesnt find me sexually attractive ( im not ugly and have done some modeling) , i feel so ugly now and so self concious i have to take my makeup off in the dark and put it on the morning before he wakes up. hes always got other pics off girls as wallpapers on his pc and that, and once when i did give him head he asked if it was ok for him to watch porn at the same time, i wouldnt have a problem with this except he must be fantizing about them instead of me, and this makes me uncomfortable. iv tryed hard to make him feel attracted to me again and its not like i dont make an effort every time i see him. when i try to innitiate sex he turns me down but still has a wank later.
i just need some help in how to deal with it coz im not going to leave him. i need to feel attrctive again and be comfortable about him fantazing over other women instead of just ignoring him ann feeling betrayed hurt and unable to satisfy him. ( by the way i am adventures with him in bed).
also how can i want him to have sex again and be more excited about out relationship.
what should i do about it all
You are 18 and you know, there is so much time ahead of you, so much life ahead that to tie yourself down to a relationship right now, makes no sense. I know you may not want to hear that but think of the future and especially how this boy is going about the relationship now. He is sure/he is not sure ... he wants you/he wants to date other woman ... he likes oral with you/he wants to watch porn while you do it.
That is very degrading. No wonder you have llittle to no self esteem and self respect. You are definitely with the wrong guy. You said your sex life used to be good and now it is bad. What does that tell you? His emphasis is on the physical aspects of a relationship. You want something deeper and he wants to go out and experience other women.
Let him go and do what he feels he needs to do. He wants to date others, then he is free to go. But close the door behind him. Do not become the comfortable person to come back to when and if he feels like it. If you stay with him, you can only expect this situation to get worse and your hurt to deepen. You will be reduced to doubting everything about yourself. Self respect and self image comes from within, we all know that. Making someone else responsible for this is transferring your own personal power to another person. That is saying "I cannot be happy until he is happy" "I cannot be sexy until he loves me" "I cannot be loved unless he loves me" That is so untrue.
If you stick around with this user, expect more of the doormat treatment. Because unless a bolt of lightning strikes him, he is not likely to change.
First it is not you, he has what appears to be an addiction to porm, and wants real life to live up to those standards, ( which he can not live up to either, thus he does less except in his mind)
so he blames you because of his problems, and you are buying it.
You don't need this jerk, you need to move on to someone that will truely love you, And honestly when he said that he wanted to sleep with others, should have been the last time you sleep with him and let him go find it then.
Short of him packing your bags, what sign do you need to see that he does not want you, he wants his movies and his left hand, so find someone who wants you for you,
wow. just ditch him. he sounds absolutely horrible! you know how many nice guys there are out there? there is no need for you to spend even one more second with this guy. trust me, most anyone would treat you better than him! even if he does love you and you love him, it's still not worth sticking around for. i've been to that place, and god, one or two months later i just look back and go "wow was i ever crazy to stick around in that relationship!"
That is krazy .... Seems like he has issues...
A man should accept you for who you are... i am also 18 and if a man was making me feel like that... it seems like he really dont love you.... i know it seems heartbreaking and it might sound like bull but really all i can say is that its not LOVE!!!! and if he really did love you it wouldnt matter what you look like... i say DUMP HIM!!!
Exactly... A Woman Should Feel Beautiful No Matter How She Looks Fat Chubby Skinny Obese... And To Have A Man You Say So Called "loves You" Saying He Dont Like How You Look And You Have To Wake Up Befor He Wakes Up To Put Make Up On To Look Pretty??? Hmmm That Is Sad You Put Makeup On Beacuse You Want To Look Pretty For Yourself Not For Some Guy.... F That... When You Do Find The Right Man He Will Accept You For You... And Not The Way You Look... Its Not Love Girl
i understand what your saying and i thank you all for your replys, and it definitly the same sort of response that i get from every one. but i am telling you only the things that make me unhappy there is so much that he does too to try and make me feel loved. and those things are what i love and makes me soo happy when im with him. so i dont want to leave him, i just want to find a way to imrpve and repair the realtionship. i feel i do have a future with him and sometimes he does talk about being with me forever, marriage and kids.
i just wish he still had sparks for me like i do for him.
any other different advice,
and in response to sayining let him to go to be with others, i have aggreed in the past to let him be with others, to going on breaks and to just being friends, but he has never done anything with anyone and in a matter of days rings me back to say its me he wants and hes just confussed and doesnt want any of that.
An honest, lasting relationship is not based on how good the sex is. And someone who truly loves you will not tell you that he's not sexually attracted to you, he should make you feel beautiful.
You are only 18 and have your whole life ahead of you, you are both too young to start talking marriage, kids, and forever. If all that is going to work with anyone you need to get an education and a steady job first and you really need to know what you want out of life. Children are expensive to raise and once you have them, there isn't a lot of time for anything else. Enjoy your freedom while you have it and take care of yourself. The rest will follow...
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