We aren't open when talking about sex. She never says mum during. Oh, maybe an ocassional low hmmmm during. We both know I reach a climax, but I don't know if she does or even has. How do I approach her on this subject? What should I ask her? Like I said, she's not open about these sexual matters and I don't want to offend her. I'm so curious. Any suggestions.

valinors_sorrow

Call me old fashioned but it often amazes me that folks can do something as powerfully intimate and vulnerable as sex and yet stall out in the talking part. That wasn't meant to be disrespectful, just a small offering of a little context and persepctive, okay?

Begin by telling her your truth... that you would like to talk about sex with her. Ease into it by assuring her there is nothing wrong, but that you think its a worthy topic for two people who care about each other to discuss. If she begins to look jammed up, encourage her by pointing out that surely folks who are doing it ought to be able to talk about it, right? That might bring a little laugh, be sure to laugh with her. Laughing is good to release nervousness! Then ask her if this is possible for her to do and if so, what might offend her in a conversation. She will likely tell you so listen and if you don't understand something, ASK. Hopefully that gets you off to a fine start ha ha ha.

PS - Often its just the starting it, the breaking of the ice that is hard too!

Depressed in MO

Just do something that you KNOW pleasures her and right in the middle of it look at her and say "Yeah baby, how does that feel?" while you're still rubbing/licking whatever on her...That should get an answer out of her for you.

kp2171

first - figure out a way to talk about it.

ive seen different responses.

one girl was NEVER vocal at all but when it hit her she kind of did this thing where it was like her pelvic and lower torso muscles would spasm, and shed kind of hold her breath.

try oral. this is where you really can get help from her (what she likes) if shell give it. usually when ive seen someone climax orally they'll push you away because the feeling is so intense that more stimulation can be too much. the downside is that i think what one woman likes orally can be different from another (just like intercourse) so again, theres just no substitute for a little direction.

i dated one girl who hated the idea of giving any direction during sex. until she did. and it helped us find an absolute hit out of the park almost every time "trick" for her. not really a trick at all, just the right kind of stim at the right time. unfortunately the next woman HATED it. oh well. all part of the fun.

if youre only doing intercourse do you always run the show? is she ever on top? different positions do diff things. many guys when young, myself included, start out with the "SHOCK AND AWE" approach, pounding away like morons without a clue. well its true. ive really never brought a girl to climax this way, but maybe thats just me or the women ive been with. or just me.

and, as ive mentioned here before, what works best for me only occasionally (at best) gets my woman off. most of the time i need to focus on her and hold back if we are really both going to get to that spot... and sometimes you hold back and you lose it but she gets there. yippie.

but the biggest thing has already been mentioned. you need to find a way to open this up to discussion. maybe one night simply tell her at the beginning that this night is all about her. start with a nice massage and ask her if it feels nice. that can start her talking perhaps. get her relaxed, take your time. you didnt state whether oral is an option with you. if it is, again you should be able to slowly progress and occasionally ask her if it feels good... should it be softer, harder, etc.

if its intercourse try to mix up the stimulation. there isnt just one errogenous zone and stim a few diff ones and changing it up can help build up the tension.

the more you can get her to talk about it the better off you both will be.

Mr. Curious

Good Idea,maybe if I open up more, she will as well

Mr. Curious

I'm not opposed to oral, but she's so sensitive that she uses extra amount of lubricant, that I have to wear a lot of it off a little before I go there. When I do go there, she's just a inanimated and I don't want to bore her.

DrJizzle

First things first... open the lines of communication. Tell her that you want to be more open about your sex life. Let her know that you are concerned about how little the communication is and that you want it to be something that you can share together.

kp2171

lack of natural lubrication can be a result of a number of things, but if foreplay and oral before lubricant isnt getting her naturally lubricated then maybe she isnt getting what she needs, which is where the communication comes in play. now she might also simply need more lubricant regardless of her mental/physical state. you say she is not animated during oral. does she do nothing? not caress herself at all? i did date one girl who i could never, ever excite orally. the next guy she dated could (we were still close friends and talked about sex and dating others) so there was just something i didnt get that he did that she couldnt or didnt ask for. oh well.

generally i would use lubricant only after oral if she was mentally ready for sex but physically needed the lubricant...but like i said, im sure there are people who simply need to use more generally.

you never stated whether some positions are better than others for her response. is she more animated on top? that can hit the c1itoral region. from behind can stim g spot more and if she self stimulates c1itoral that might be good. also, a few of the ladies here swear that the man standing and the womon mounted with her legs around his hips is a killer position for both g spot and c1itoral.

valinors_sorrow

Hmmmm. Your description of her is beginning to ring a few bells for me.

I could have easily been described like that at one time. And I did not want to talk about it either because I sitting on a big psychological problem that I was ashamed of so I was hiding it, denying it and hoping he wouldn't notice. Sexual abuse does some really wicked stuff. This is still a little difficult to talk about even today. Please be prepared that, if you talk about it with her and she reveals something along those line, that you will help her find help.

I would have never sought the help I got had it not been for a very caring man who broke the ice with me, and then lovingly insisted I get help. I will never forget his kindness.

Depressed in MO

Dude, all you gotta do no matter what is get her **** to wiggle while you are doing her or whatever. Just make sure it rubs against your skin whenever you on top or bottom whatever. that will make her wet, that will make her ***. And you will know it.