Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

snowy23 · #1 Apr 12, 2008, 07:57 PM

My boyfriend and i have been dating for over 5 months now. Im 19 and hes 31, We have not had sex yet. When we first starting dating he seemed really into me and i always felt that he "wanted" me, but he said he really cared about me and thought we should hold off sex for a while. I recently brought this issue to my boyfriends attention , and he just doesnt want to talk about, he tries changing the subject. I love him and enjoy being with him but I want to have sex! I've tried dressing up in sexy clothes just to try and seduce him but that always backfires! A lot of people tell me im really cute and good looking, so i keep asking myself, If im not ugly, then why doesnt my bf want to sleep with me?!!? I can't picture my life without him in it tho..Any advice would be helpful. thanks!

Sarah48375 · Apr 12, 2008, 08:22 PM

No there may be many reasons. Here are some I came up with

1. Maybe he doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

2. He could have had a tramatic sexually experience with sex (as an adult or child).

3. He may have an STD.

4. Some people think sex changes things....

5. Maybe he feels guilty about the age difference. The whole robbing the cradle thing.

the1unv · Apr 13, 2008, 03:56 AM

I had the same thoughts running through my head as I read the post. Good Answere Sarah48375.

Mike

snowy23 · Apr 13, 2008, 06:44 AM

well, he's had sex with a lot of other girls in the past; thats why i dont get why he won't get intimate with me..and i don't think think he's really worried about STD's.. we've been getting a hotel room the past few saturdays, and we just go there for a few hours to hang out; u would think we would be having sex (like most other people) but were not..last night after we hung out, i actually text him asking why he doesnt wanna sleep with me, and he responds with "its not you, its me", then i tried talking to him about it and he just ignored me and then turned his phone off, as if he was trying to run away from the problem..i dont wanna leave him but i cant live like this forever.. im 19 and if it were up to me, id be having sex every other day..

N0help4u · Apr 13, 2008, 07:04 AM

Have you ever been to his place? The only reason I can think of a guy taking you to a hotel and not doing anything is if he can't think of anywhere else to take you to spend time. So could he possibly be married that he takes you to a hotel instead of his place?
That could explain his not wanting to do anything too, maybe he would feel guilty actually cheating on a wife?

Saying he is not married or 'with' anybody else my guess would be Sarah's #4 sometimes when you get older some people realize sex does not change or fix anything and he may want to really get to know you before he muddles his feelings with the sex.
Sometimes, which I think is the problem with teen sex, they confuse enjoying the sex with love and I can't live without him/her and end up in really bad relationship before they even understand relationships or love.

snowy23 · Apr 13, 2008, 07:13 AM

i go to his house all the time; he still lives with his parents tho, but they really like me so that doesnt bother me that much.. i noticed something strange tho, sometimes we're in his room making out, and we get to the point where it feels like if his parents were out, we would be having sex, but everytime his parents are actually out and we got the place to ourselves, he won;t get close to me, he won;t even kiss me! It just doesnt make any sense to me

talaniman · Apr 13, 2008, 07:14 AM

He is not forthright in the honesty department, and refuses to talk about it. Both are red flags, that he is hiding something. Whatever it is the way he is handling things, is not healthy, and confusing to you. No honest communications, no relationship. I hope you noticed no mention of why he isn't wanting sex, as I think that's not your real problem. Him and his actions are.

N0help4u · Apr 13, 2008, 07:15 AM

Okay that means that he is using his parents being there as 'a safe guard' that he will stop himself so he feels freer up to a point. When you are alone he is afraid he will 'go too far'
I really have no idea what is holding him back. He is really the only one that can answer why.
He could have ED and too embarrassed to tell you
but no matter what the reason it is not fair to you that he will not tell you.

snowy23 · Apr 13, 2008, 07:25 AM

im starting to think maybe hes got ED too, cuz i know he's def not gay and im a fairly attractive girl so he should get turned on by me.. how do i get him to talk to me about it? i understand he might be embarassed, but whats a relationship without communication

talaniman · Apr 13, 2008, 07:53 AM

Quote:

i understand he might be embarassed, but whats a relationship without communication

Thats exactly what you need to tell him.



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