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Daughter having sex with father

Asked Jan 14, 2009, 10:46 AM — 13 Answers
This is really frustrating and horrible, I can't describe how I feel. I am heart broken. I went (to my girlfriend's house) to give her a surprise, and the surprise was for me.

I found this girl that I have been dating, having sex with her father. She is 27 and he is 69.

I confronted her, and she tried to deny it, but after a long conversation, she admitted that if it weren't for being caught in the act,she would still be denying it. She also told me it is not the first time, it's been happening since she was a little girl, and she gets really aroused, even though she says she doesn't want to do it.

When he calls, she keeps visiting him. They don't live together, and it happends in the middle of the night.

She has 2 little girls, and I don't know what to do. She needs help, and even though I am not going to continue with her, I would like to help because I love her.

Is there anything that I can do, or should I just walk away ?


Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Summary Due to the shocking implications of the question, some users questioned the authenticity of the story. If this sexual relationship indeed exists, users agree with Rodrigula that he should cease the relationship as his girlfriend has emotional and mental health issues which do not lend themselves to being in a healthy adult relationship.

Users suggested that he consider the legal implications of what his girlfriend is doing, both as a past offense when it would have been molestation/endangering a minor, and the present issues of Adult Incest and the safety of her children. The first priority needs to be the children.
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13 Answers
Synnen's Avatar
Synnen Posts: 7,882, Reputation: 12354
Expert
  
#2

Jan 14, 2009, 10:52 AM
Assuming that this is NOT a joke--you should walk away.

Suggest to her that she get help, but honestly--she's got YEARS of issues with her sexuality to fix. You will not be able to help her with this--she needs to do it herself.

And honestly--could you really live with this?

Let her know you care for her, and hope she gets help, but get out of this relationship.
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TexasParent's Avatar
TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 399
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#3

Jan 14, 2009, 10:53 AM
I think that you should contact Child Services and ask them their opinion. I don't know if it represents a danger to the children, but if the father molested her as a child and somehow is continuing to have sex with her even now, it would suggest that her daughters are not safe.

As for the girl you have been dating, she can still charge him after all these years for the modestation she suffered as a child, but since she is sleeping with him now as an adult I doubt she is in a place mentally or emotionally to even consider it.

Talk to some experts as to how to proceed. Those kids lives are important and you have the power to make sure that they are safe; but it must be handled properly. Seek some professional advice, do not act alone on this as it is potentially explosive. You may be advised that nothing can be done, be prepared to be extremely conflicted.
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mzdiva's Avatar
mzdiva Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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#4

Jan 14, 2009, 05:50 PM
I think you should just move on with your life that's her issue. Let her figure things out on her own she responsible for her own action but what can you do when you love her? Just pray and do you!
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TexasParent's Avatar
TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 399
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#5

Jan 14, 2009, 06:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mzdiva View Post
I think you should just move on with your life that's her issue. Let her figure things out on her own she responsible for her own action but what can you do when you love her? Just pray and do you!
I don't agree, although yours is a valid opinion/option. I think with the knowledge that the children might be in danger he can no longer 'just walk away'. While I think he should personally and physically, I think he has once last responsibility, and that is to talk to a professional and let them determine if they think the children are in danger and what steps if any should be taken.
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SimpleguyJoe's Avatar
SimpleguyJoe Posts: 302, Reputation: 343
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#6

Jan 14, 2009, 09:43 PM
Umm easy answer GET OUT AS FAST AS YOUR FEET CAN CARRY YOU.

Hard Answer: Do you care for this girl enough to help her through this? She has been obviously jaded from the get go so it's not really her fault. But does she bring enough to the table for you to walk the gauntlet on this one?
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ISneezeFunny's Avatar
ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,186, Reputation: 4188
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#7

Jan 14, 2009, 11:01 PM
Although I admit there are a lot of problems here, calling Child Services won't really do much, as she is 27 and legally an adult. She is breaking the law, but chances are, they will both deny this claim.
silverfox605 (Nov 4, 2011 07:30 PM):   Source:
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Jake2008's Avatar
Jake2008 Posts: 5,640, Reputation: 15335
Emotional Health Expert
  
#8

Jan 15, 2009, 02:04 AM
I think it is highly likely that when she visits her father, with her two little girls, that she may be sleeping with him, so that he doesn't abuse them.

It would be unlikely that she would confide that much information to you, because you would feel even more obligated to call the authorities.

That the abuse for her started when she was a little girl, and she has her own little girls now, puts those two little girls in a very high risk situation.

It is highly unlikely that the mother is the only victim over the years.

I think you have an obligation to report this man. It is of course about your friend, but this man has to be stopped before he abuses these children.
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smoothy's Avatar
smoothy Posts: 15,494, Reputation: 10703
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#9

Jan 15, 2009, 05:37 AM
I'm not sure if there are currently any laws being broken, but it is highly likely, there definitely was at one time by her admission.

Beyond that she needs therapy....lots of therapy. As a child she might have been coerced into the act, as an adult she is willingly participating. Either way its just plain sick.

If in fact he did this to her as a child he's not above doing it to her children as well.
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Choux's Avatar
Choux Posts: 3,053, Reputation: 2479
Ultra Member
  
#10

Jan 15, 2009, 09:43 AM
It is likely he is abusing the two little girls, so I think you should call a hotline and report this sick situation so an investigation can be started.

IF not you, who? IF not now, when?

Best wishes,
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