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What are the signs of a 17 year old boy being gay......He's not had a girlfriend since puberty, dresses modern..........cares about the way he looks and dresses........took acting/modeling classes.........totally giving us mixed signals............what should we do? ask or just let him come to us........We are always here for him and he knows it, but he has 3 macho brothers that would be hurt.as his father......I'm the mom who loves no matter what
Good for you, mom. 17 year olds are establishing identity, right? I don't think you can demand a son like someone as a friend, chose redheads over blonds, or girls before boys. They must work these things out, with parental or professional assistance.
Well, an interest in boys would be a pretty good start.
Don't confront him, imo. He's probably confused enough as it is right now--I remember how confused I was when *I* was 17, about dating and boys and why some girls made me turn my head too and all that jazz.
It may just be that he's confident enough in himself to BE himself, even if he doesn't follow traditional "manly" pursuits.
PS--the guys that cared about how they dressed, at least when *I* was 17, were the ones that all the girls liked and wanted to hang out with.
As long as his grades are still good (or as good as they've ever been), and he shows no signs of depression or extreme mood swings, I wouldn't worry about it. It may be that he's gay, or it may be that he just hasn't met a girl he WANTS to date, or it may be that he realizes that school is more important right now, or he may be confident around you and shy around girls.
Unless he's giving you more signs than what you've listed, it could be so many different things that confronting him about it would just embarrass you all.
If he IS gay, and knows you love him regardless, he'll come out in his own good time. Sometimes (from my observations, anyway) the hardest part is coming to terms with your sexuality yourself, and figuring out how to deal with it - gay or straight.
In other words--stop worrying so much about it, and just make sure he knows that you love him no matter what, and it just won't be a problem.
Let him come to you. If he is, going to him may make him feel wierd, or like there is a problem with it. He would come to you when he was ready. He may be confused right now and bringing it up would not help.
I would consult a professional (without your son present) for advice. It could be that he isnt sure which path he is headed down. and his family's treatment of him might influence him one way or another in his decision.
A lot of people would say that there is no decision and they are right in most cases. But there are people who are hetero, married with children, and decide to make a change.
I know of a minister with family, who decided to get a sex change operation at age 45.
This is very critical. You need guidance from experts who have studied it.
I will suggest that you not worry about it. If he is gay, there is nothing you can do about it. I would hope your family would accept him regardless. I don't get the brothers being "hurt." Hurt about what? It is his life. I could see where the 17 yo could be hurt if his brothers reject him, though.
My brother showed absolutely no interest in girls until he left for college (then he went a little overboard.) Give him time and love him no matter what choice he makes.
Just relax and ignore your husband's worrying. You son is going to be who he wants to be....I don't think he is gay, by the way. I think he is just not comfortable thinking about sex at this time, for whatever reason. He has certainly been developing himself in a very positive way so far.
I think it will help you if you focus on another quality(s) of you son that go into making a fine human being....like his education, for example. Tell your husband to quit dwelling on his sexuality!
I'll echo the "don't confront, let him disclose when he feels ready or needs to" answers.
I watched my younger brother be destroyed by the reaction of our father when he "came out" as being gay at the age of 16.
My father disowned him, told him that he no longer had two sons, and that as far as he was concerned, he was dead.
This was of course after he called him every name in the book, and described in graphic detail certain things that gay couples may engage in in the most disgusting and degrading ways you can imagine.
My stepmother sat there and agreed with every word from my fathers mouth, being the good Catholic woman that she is.
If this is how you think your husband would react, then your son may need you more than you can ever imagine, if your belief that he may be gay, turns out to be accurate.
I agree that you are a great mom and that you should relax. I think that you should reinforce to your son that you "love him no matter what".
I would strongly recommend, however, that you not ignore your husband. It seems like the two of you have already talked about your son potentially being gay. The two of you cannot control whether or not your son is gay; the two of you can control your response to him coming out.
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