I am a 27 year old man. I have been struggling for the past few months with my sexuality.

Growing up I was always attracted to women and masturbated regularly to women. In fact, until this confusion began, I always incredibly enjoyed masturbating to pictures of women and to straight pornography. I occasionally felt guilty about it...but I think we all do.

I date very selectively and always have. I have had two serious girlfriends. With the first girlfriend (ages 20-21), I was deeply attracted to her and derived intense pleasure from my intimacy with her. We did not have intercourse, but had oral sex almost daily for a year. We had a traumatic breakup and I was bummed for about a year.

Before I dated my second girlfriend, I had intimacy (hand jobs, oral sex) with 10-12 women, but started dating my second girlfriend at ages 24. We dated for about 18 months. I enjoyed sexual activity with her. I had intercourse for the first time; I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I might. I attributed this mostly to building it up too much and also to the fact that she never orgasmed. We broke up because of distance issues and I became seriously depressed.

About 3 months ago, several friends pointed out to me that I was too selective with dating--that I was turning down many opportunities to "get some" even if I wasn't going to get serious with these womens. Between my two girlfriends, I had taken advantage of a slew of these opportunities, but my thought at this point was that it's more trouble than it's worth to fool around with women in whom I have little genuine interest...but I started to wonder about myself. I have a lifelong pattern of getting into a girl and being into her for too long (obsessing). In middle school, I liked a bunch of girls, but liked one for 3-4 years. In high school, same thing. College, same thing, and then we dated. Post-college, I liked a girl for 5 years despite many rejections...I started to wonder if my obsessing about girls and my selectivity about dating were...homosexuality.

This thoughts became particularly intense when I took a business trip, guessed that an associate I was working with was gay, and then was disappointed that he had a girlfriend. I was startled at my disappointment. Then I started to notice vague feelings that I had around some men with who I worked and wondered if the vague feelings were not feelings of attraction...I wasn't sure. Then I started to notice pensis more when I looked at straight pornography and wondered whether my noticing them was something more. I started to think about what a penis might feel like in my mouth. I am not grossed out by the idea of gay sex--but have always been open minded.

When I in college, I had fleeting thoughts/feelings of attraction, but never anything that remained constant. I always liked women. I started seeing a therapist - who can't say whether I'm just obsessing about some natural feelings that we all have or whether I am gay. I started talking to lots of people about it - friends and family (10). All of these people think that I just have an obsessive personality and am getting carried away. Remarkably half of them reported similar feelings at some point. A good friend from high school who is gay says he doesn't think I'm gay and never thought that I was in the least.

About 2 months ago, I started periodically fooling around with a girl I know in part to just see how I feel about it. We don't have that much in common, so I don't feel that emotionally bonded to her, but I still enjoy sexual activity with her quite a bit. We give each other oral sex and hand jobs and I enjoy it just fine. I still jerk off to women and fantasies about ex-girlfriends, but my confusion seeps in sometimes, and I feel like my masturbation is less "confident" if that makes any sense. I get nervous about how I feel when women are giving oral sex to men in porn scenes.

Does sexuality change abruptly? That's how I feel about it. A lot of gay people say they always knew. This confusion is hitting me like a truck, because I don't think I ever had any idea of anything. I feel like I was superstraight and now have no clue where I stand. I'm still attacted to women, but then do this crazy sensory-overdrive thing where I ask myself if I'm attracted to every man I meet. It is exhausting. When I have a drink in me, I don't feel confused at all and my mind is much calmer...and not feeling very gay.

I'm confused as all hell and periodically depressed as hell about it. I'm from a conservative culture where being gay is not at all accepted.

I'd love people's thoughts on what I'm going through since it seems like a lot more people go through this type of thing than people share.

Patriciardg

Bob, I don't think anything about sexuality is black and white. I think it is all gray area. In other words, everybody is different. Some people don't like sex at all. Others like to have only one on one. Some people like to mix it up with a group. Some like to experiment male and female, female with two males, male with two females and on and on. I would think that if a man was only turned on sexually by other men then he would not enjoy intimacy with a woman. As long as the sex is with consenting adults, done in privacy, I don't see why anyone else should have a problem with it.

americangayboy

Well, I'm sure that sex with a woman would be enjoyable to some extent, but I've never tried it. An old friend of mine has had sex with a girl and he said it felt nice.

In the end, you should just be honest with yourself. IF you are gay or bisexual, you'll feel sooooo good after you finally accept it. If you're straight, that's cool too!