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As some of you may be aware over the last few months I have been seeking advice and help with dealing with my gf past. to recall basically she told me that before she met me she slept with this guy when she was drunk and lost her virginity to him he then slept with her cousin a few days later and she left him that was that. only recently I found it increasingly difficult to come to terms with this and kept on bringing it up and making a big deal out of it etc and was considering going to counselling for help and advice with dealing with my jealousy. it has been a year since she told me and tonight after all this time she told me that what she told me about sleeping with this guy was a lie and that she was scared at the time and being young she paniced and soon it was out of control I had gone mad and told my friends and all her friends and she felt embarrassed that she and felt it was now best to keep it a secret and carry on with the lie and has wanted to tell me the truth from day one and has looked me in the eye and told me she did lie and it had all got out of hand and the longer it went on the difficult it becaome for her! now i dont know what to believe is what she telling me true and infact i am the first and only or is she telling me this to try and make me feel better? Sorry its abit rushed but my head is all messed up at the moment!
No matter, you have serious issues letting her past go, true or untrue, your problem is there, (seriously there) in the world of dating, you may some day meet someone that had sex with 10 or 12 guys, did not know 2 of thier names, but now have changed thier lives and are great people.
You have to accept people for who they are now, not who they were
I think the key to this is the phrase,"Before she met me." What she did before she met you is none of your business. Also, I think you are very inmature and probably do not deserve her so, when you finally run her off due to your child like behavior, do all women a favor and grow up before you get into another relationship, silly little boy!
Sorry, but there is one question you need to answer yourself - Who do you think you are???? If you think you have the right to have sex with girls, be as jealous and such a 'control freak' as you are, then you really need to see a therapist NOW! You cannot expect to have a virgin.. you probably would not believe one anyway - you're looking for failures just to pull youself up at their expense.
Also, if you are the type that has to BROADCAST to friends and the whole world about private business that should be between a couple - all you really want is to be able to BRAG and be the center of everyone's attention.
GET REAL! This is a serious issue and you need professional help, or you'll wind up being very unhappy.
If after a whole year - you still dwell on this issue - give the girl a break, do her a favor and break up with her so that she can look for someone she deserves. At the state you are in, you will never be happy..
Gosh... I can't believe this, I'm actually at a loss for words.... you are absolutely IMPOSSIBLE!
I know this is gonna sound cracked but you two need a good dictionary.
She needs to look up the definitions of "responsibility" and "honesty".
You need to look up the definitions of "humble", "forgive" and "trust".
Read them aloud. Then you both need to have a long conversation using those words, each taking turns, making "I" statements only...
Example: I find it hard to forgive, I am not always sure when to be honest, I am afraid to trust, etc. NO "you" stuff in there! If you find yourself about to say "you blah blah" cut it off!!
When you are both done, if you are still on the same page then maybe its time to call Amnesty Day. The deal with that is you will both will:
1. take responsibility for what each of you did, no more blaming
2. give an honest report of what that was, no more lying
3. be humbled by your collective humaness as you should be
4. agree to forgive all past transgressions starting now
5. begin building trust since it appears you never did
people say silly things sometimes because they are uncertain or insecure. then again, people can also lie whenever it is convenient.
anger over her sleeping with another person before you seems controlling and insecure. i understand it might be something someone seeks in a partner... but this is pretty petty.
my wife had a child at the age of 22, not married. she was engaged to a different man with whom she still works at the age of 30 (ish). she has dated several of other men before me and had sex with most of them if the relationship was serious.
theres enough difficulty being good steward to a relationship... if your partners previous relations is going to be an issue for you, you are in for a long, frustrating life.
how in the world is this girl with you??? you chastise her in front of friends... you embarass her... and now you want to know what to think.
i think the fact that this girl has put up with this behaviour is remarkable, and even a little sad. she obviously likes you, regardless of whether she lied then or now.
so you need to be a man and figure out whether you can let this pass. holding this over her is undignified.
You've received excellent advice here. Responding to a person's past is probably one of the quickest ways to sabotage a relationship. As others have said, not only is it childish but it's downright unjust. Focus on the present and the future. We have no control over the past because it's done. Nobody can ever go back and undo a previous deed. However, we can control the present and future. We can decide to do or not to do whatever we want in the present and the future. That's what you need to dwell on ; what you're going to do and what you're not going to do from here on out.
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