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So me and my bf have been sexually active for about 7 months, and i cant seem to get an orgasm from him. He thinks its because i cant orgasm but i know i can because i've used a vibrator before. Anyways we try tons of position, with me on top, doggy, on the side, missonary,etc.. but nothing seems to work on me. We've done lots of oral stuff too, but nothing!! He says its because i cant seem to relax..
HELP !! P.s he's my first.
So me and my bf have been sexually active for about 7 months, and i cant seem to get an orgasm from him. He thinks its because i cant orgasm but i know i can because i've used a vibrator before. Anyways we try tons of position, with me on top, doggy, on the side, missonary,etc.. but nothing seems to work on me. We've done lots of oral stuff too, but nothing!! He says its because i cant seem to relax..
HELP !! P.s he's my first.
that is because he is not hitting the right spot he has to stimulate your clitoris, and he may be off, you need to guide him to the right spot.. obviously you can orgasm, that is not a problem, the problem is him stimulating the right spot.. hey check this link out Why can't I have an orgasm?
Some would say that a female orgasm relates to mate selection. The orgasm is your body's way of telling you that you have chosen right mate. Try using a vibrator in the doggy-style position or a vibration cock ring.
I would guess that you are still in masturbation mode, and have not learned how to be passionate about couple-sex. Being orgasmic with a man and passionate is learned for most women.
Choux and jolienoire really both hit it. I think it's a combination of technique and that fact you have to get used to letting yourself go while in the presence of your boyfriend. If he doesn't have a problem with it, ask him if you can bring your vibrator into the mix with him, you don't have to use it for penetration, just use it on your clitoris while he is inside of you. Since you know the vibe works for you, it may be a good way to start.
thanks for all the great replies!!
My bf doesnt know i have vibrators, i think he's agains them. haha. He says that he doesnt want something to do what he cant do for me. (give me an orgasm) I think i know what you guys are talkin about when u say there's "no passion" i mean i love him to death but it does feel like somethings missing. I know he knows it too cause he mentioned it before, he said that he wants me to orgasm so that they're more passion in our sex.
Anyways i read in some posts that being on top is the best way to receive an orgasm..is this true?? i tried it a couple of times before, but i just feel like i cant do it as good as him when im on top...but im gonna try it again tonight
He doesnt sound very supportive of your problem. There in could lie the reason you cant orgasm is because he isnt supportive of you. Me and my hubby have toys we use alot. on the night he cant make me orgasm but the toys can he doesnt play the "it must be you" card. You just need more clitoris stimulation and it isnt like you can flick a switch and make him vibrate you there. Also being your first..... Is he getting you emotionaly and physicaly ready? Or is it ok get wet lets go? Women take priming. Have him give you an erotic massage. kissing and touching you all over. My best orgasms are during foreplay.
if i want to get my partner off, and i have no restraints on time or schedules... meaning not rushing to work after, not trying to sneak something in while the kids asleep, etc... this is what works best for her...
shell take a long hot shower to warm her body and relax. whatever room we are going to be in should be warm and comfortable... this can be by the fireplace, this can be in the bedroom with the space heater running while shes in the shower. i want her naked and not hiding under covers to stay warm.
after the hot shower we might kiss and pet some. i like a lot more kissing than she does, so i tend to move on sooner. using either massage oil or even body lotion ill work her body from head to toe... or sometimes from toes to head. if he doesnt know how to give a good massage, get a few books. a little reading goes a long way. there are tons of books out there that can get him, and you started. tied into that, there are also good books that talk about sensual touching, which helps you build up tension and connect through skin on skin.
a key element is to take time. guys rush things... ive done it and i still do if im not thinking. that said, time of day can be important... if i massage her at 10pm at night, she might nearly be asleep by the time im done. earlier in the day and she can think about how it feels to have my fingertips trace her, and tie that into sexual energy... not just relaxation.
after that, theres more kissing and i work with my mouth and fingers from her neck, slowly down her chest, her abs, her hips, inner thighs, and then ill go down on her. if you havent read "she comes first" do it. im getting tired of recommending it in nearly every post, but its a great way to learn about your own body. not to mention it changed a few things ive been doing, for the better.
mkay...so oral on her to completion or close to it. personally, to completion is great. intercourse after.
with intercourse, yes you need to explore different positions. woman on top, going through a "rowing" motion instead of up and down can change sensations, not to mention you can cause friction by pressing down your pelvis, getting pressure at the mons pubis and your cl!toris.
but even if you prefer other positions, such as him on top, do you self stimulate during sex? if hes uspet about your not having an orgasm, he might not want you to do this, but thats too bad. one lover i had got off almost all the time with me on top if she or i fingerstimulated her cl!toris. without that, it was much, much less likely.
if he gripes, show him the anatomy... your cl!toris is at a lousy position compared to where the action is with penetration... not to mention different women like different stimuli. hard pressure. soft touches. near thrashing. light glances. its just not as simple as saying once he is in you, you are going to get the right pressure. if hes unwilling to recognize this anatomical setup, hes probably just not going to be willing to help you the way you need him to.
also multiple stimuli at different times can keep your body guessing. for ex, my partner likes my hands on her breasts early on, but wants my mouth on her in the late stages. fingers drawn across her a$$ or thumbs pressed against the inside of her thighs if shes on top changes it. hands gently around her neck or her finger in my mouth on my tongue, sucking can push her over the top when she needs that boost.
all that said... it doesnt always go perfectly.
if i had a gun to my head and was told to get her off or else, oral is the way id go. intercourse, with all the above setups, can get her there, but not always. sometimes her mind isnt completely free. sometimes it feels great for her, but she doesnt get over the top. so... i dont want to make it sound like i know the ultimate answers in bed.
i know what works for her most of the time... and we got there through experience, effort, failure, communication, and an honest enjoyment of sex. if its all about the big "O" and you dont reach it, suddenly a wonderful act is a perceived failure. but still... thats not to say pursuit of that orgasm is something you should give up.
all you guys need is a few "wins"... if self stim got you off while hes in you, im guessing hed be more happy you got off than upset. i personally think its sexy when my partner does... i never think that shes compensating for some failure of mine...
so... get your mind in the right place. get your body the right stimulation. get your bf to be patient and willing to explore. educate yourself by reading books on sex and sensuality. its all worth the effort. just be patient and be willing to fail a little to get where you need to be.
if i want to get my partner off, and i have no restraints on time or schedules... meaning not rushing to work after, not trying to sneak something in while the kids asleep, etc... this is what works best for her...
shell take a long hot shower to warm her body and relax. whatever room we are going to be in should be warm and comfortable... this can be by the fireplace, this can be in the bedroom with the space heater running while shes in the shower. i want her naked and not hiding under covers to stay warm.
after the hot shower we might kiss and pet some. i like a lot more kissing than she does, so i tend to move on sooner. using either massage oil or even body lotion ill work her body from head to toe... or sometimes from toes to head. if he doesnt know how to give a good massage, get a few books. a little reading goes a long way. there are tons of books out there that can get him, and you started. tied into that, there are also good books that talk about sensual touching, which helps you build up tension and connect through skin on skin.
a key element is to take time. guys rush things... ive done it and i still do if im not thinking. that said, time of day can be important... if i massage her at 10pm at night, she might nearly be asleep by the time im done. earlier in the day and she can think about how it feels to have my fingertips trace her, and tie that into sexual energy... not just relaxation.
after that, theres more kissing and i work with my mouth and fingers from her neck, slowly down her chest, her abs, her hips, inner thighs, and then ill go down on her. if you havent read "she comes first" do it. im getting tired of recommending it in nearly every post, but its a great way to learn about your own body. not to mention it changed a few things ive been doing, for the better.
mkay...so oral on her to completion or close to it. personally, to completion is great. intercourse after.
with intercourse, yes you need to explore different positions. woman on top, going through a "rowing" motion instead of up and down can change sensations, not to mention you can cause friction by pressing down your pelvis, getting pressure at the mons pubis and your cl!toris.
but even if you prefer other positions, such as him on top, do you self stimulate during sex? if hes uspet about your not having an orgasm, he might not want you to do this, but thats too bad. one lover i had got off almost all the time with me on top if she or i fingerstimulated her cl!toris. without that, it was much, much less likely.
if he gripes, show him the anatomy... your cl!toris is at a lousy position compared to where the action is with penetration... not to mention different women like different stimuli. hard pressure. soft touches. near thrashing. light glances. its just not as simple as saying once he is in you, you are going to get the right pressure. if hes unwilling to recognize this anatomical setup, hes probably just not going to be willing to help you the way you need him to.
also multiple stimuli at different times can keep your body guessing. for ex, my partner likes my hands on her breasts early on, but wants my mouth on her in the late stages. fingers drawn across her a$$ or thumbs pressed against the inside of her thighs if shes on top changed it. hands gently around her neck or her finger in my mouth on my tongue, sucking can push her over the top when she needs that boost.
all that said... it doesnt always go perfectly.
if i had a gun to my head and was told to get her off or else, oral is the way id go. intercourse, with all the above setups, can get her there, but not always. sometimes her mind isnt completely free. sometimes it feels great for her, but she doesnt get over the top. so... i dont want to make it sound like i know the ultimate answers in bed.
i know what works for her most of the time... and we got there through experience, effort, failure, communication, and an honest enjoyment of sex. if its all about the big "O" and you dont reach it, suddenly a wonderful act is a perceived failure. but still... thats not to say pursuit of that orgasm is something you should give up.
all you guys need is a few "wins"... if self stim got you off while hes in you, im guessing hed be more happy you got off than upset. i personally think its sexy when my partner does... i never think that shes compensating for some failure of mine...
so... get your mind in the right place. get your body the right stimulation. get your bf to be patient and willing to explore. educate yourself by reading books on sex and sensuality. its all worth the effort. just be patient and be willing to fail a little to get where you need to be.
OMG I HAVE TO LOG OFF right now great advice..... lol.....
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