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So me and my bf have been sexually active for about 7 months, and i cant seem to get an orgasm from him. He thinks its because i cant orgasm but i know i can because i've used a vibrator before. Anyways we try tons of position, with me on top, doggy, on the side, missonary,etc.. but nothing seems to work on me. We've done lots of oral stuff too, but nothing!! He says its because i cant seem to relax..
HELP !! P.s he's my first.
if i want to get my partner off, and i have no restraints on time or schedules... meaning not rushing to work after, not trying to sneak something in while the kids asleep, etc... this is what works best for her...
shell take a long hot shower to warm her body and relax. whatever room we are going to be in should be warm and comfortable... this can be by the fireplace, this can be in the bedroom with the space heater running while shes in the shower. i want her naked and not hiding under covers to stay warm.
after the hot shower we might kiss and pet some. i like a lot more kissing than she does, so i tend to move on sooner. using either massage oil or even body lotion ill work her body from head to toe... or sometimes from toes to head. if he doesnt know how to give a good massage, get a few books. a little reading goes a long way. there are tons of books out there that can get him, and you started. tied into that, there are also good books that talk about sensual touching, which helps you build up tension and connect through skin on skin.
a key element is to take time. guys rush things... ive done it and i still do if im not thinking. that said, time of day can be important... if i massage her at 10pm at night, she might nearly be asleep by the time im done. earlier in the day and she can think about how it feels to have my fingertips trace her, and tie that into sexual energy... not just relaxation.
after that, theres more kissing and i work with my mouth and fingers from her neck, slowly down her chest, her abs, her hips, inner thighs, and then ill go down on her. if you havent read "she comes first" do it. im getting tired of recommending it in nearly every post, but its a great way to learn about your own body. not to mention it changed a few things ive been doing, for the better.
mkay...so oral on her to completion or close to it. personally, to completion is great. intercourse after.
with intercourse, yes you need to explore different positions. woman on top, going through a "rowing" motion instead of up and down can change sensations, not to mention you can cause friction by pressing down your pelvis, getting pressure at the mons pubis and your cl!toris.
but even if you prefer other positions, such as him on top, do you self stimulate during sex? if hes uspet about your not having an orgasm, he might not want you to do this, but thats too bad. one lover i had got off almost all the time with me on top if she or i fingerstimulated her cl!toris. without that, it was much, much less likely.
if he gripes, show him the anatomy... your cl!toris is at a lousy position compared to where the action is with penetration... not to mention different women like different stimuli. hard pressure. soft touches. near thrashing. light glances. its just not as simple as saying once he is in you, you are going to get the right pressure. if hes unwilling to recognize this anatomical setup, hes probably just not going to be willing to help you the way you need him to.
also multiple stimuli at different times can keep your body guessing. for ex, my partner likes my hands on her breasts early on, but wants my mouth on her in the late stages. fingers drawn across her a$$ or thumbs pressed against the inside of her thighs if shes on top changed it. hands gently around her neck or her finger in my mouth on my tongue, sucking can push her over the top when she needs that boost.
all that said... it doesnt always go perfectly.
if i had a gun to my head and was told to get her off or else, oral is the way id go. intercourse, with all the above setups, can get her there, but not always. sometimes her mind isnt completely free. sometimes it feels great for her, but she doesnt get over the top. so... i dont want to make it sound like i know the ultimate answers in bed.
i know what works for her most of the time... and we got there through experience, effort, failure, communication, and an honest enjoyment of sex. if its all about the big "O" and you dont reach it, suddenly a wonderful act is a perceived failure. but still... thats not to say pursuit of that orgasm is something you should give up.
all you guys need is a few "wins"... if self stim got you off while hes in you, im guessing hed be more happy you got off than upset. i personally think its sexy when my partner does... i never think that shes compensating for some failure of mine...
so... get your mind in the right place. get your body the right stimulation. get your bf to be patient and willing to explore. educate yourself by reading books on sex and sensuality. its all worth the effort. just be patient and be willing to fail a little to get where you need to be.
Why does he always make me pant? It's darn embarrassing.
Are you attracked to him? Do you look at porn a lot? Usually people that look at porn have a really hard time getting off from sex cause they have to visualize everything. Next time you two have sex. Try and relax close your eyes and imagine him on top of you. Sometimes if i am trying to hard and not relaxing enough I can't either. So try to relax more and foreplay really helps too. Not to be nasty or anything but maybe some lube would get you going. I like the KY warming feels so good give it a try you just my burst!!! lol
So me and my bf have been sexually active for about 7 months, and i cant seem to get an orgasm from him. He thinks its because i cant orgasm but i know i can because i've used a vibrator before. Anyways we try tons of position, with me on top, doggy, on the side, missonary,etc.. but nothing seems to work on me. We've done lots of oral stuff too, but nothing!! He says its because i cant seem to relax..
HELP !! P.s he's my first.
Babyy,
First off RELAX! He is right becoming comfortable with a man is important to the orgasm process. I always make it clear to men that if I am not comfortable with you the sex is going to suck so give me time. Second, don't be afraid to use those digits for extra stimulation during sex. Personally I find rubbing my clitoris during penis penetration amazing. Just slide your hand down and rub your fingers on your clitoris and go ahead and rub his penis a little bit. He'll love it
if i want to get my partner off, and i have no restraints on time or schedules... meaning not rushing to work after, not trying to sneak something in while the kids asleep, etc... this is what works best for her...
shell take a long hot shower to warm her body and relax. whatever room we are going to be in should be warm and comfortable... this can be by the fireplace, this can be in the bedroom with the space heater running while shes in the shower. i want her naked and not hiding under covers to stay warm.
after the hot shower we might kiss and pet some. i like a lot more kissing than she does, so i tend to move on sooner. using either massage oil or even body lotion ill work her body from head to toe... or sometimes from toes to head. if he doesnt know how to give a good massage, get a few books. a little reading goes a long way. there are tons of books out there that can get him, and you started. tied into that, there are also good books that talk about sensual touching, which helps you build up tension and connect through skin on skin.
a key element is to take time. guys rush things... ive done it and i still do if im not thinking. that said, time of day can be important... if i massage her at 10pm at night, she might nearly be asleep by the time im done. earlier in the day and she can think about how it feels to have my fingertips trace her, and tie that into sexual energy... not just relaxation.
after that, theres more kissing and i work with my mouth and fingers from her neck, slowly down her chest, her abs, her hips, inner thighs, and then ill go down on her. if you havent read "she comes first" do it. im getting tired of recommending it in nearly every post, but its a great way to learn about your own body. not to mention it changed a few things ive been doing, for the better.
mkay...so oral on her to completion or close to it. personally, to completion is great. intercourse after.
with intercourse, yes you need to explore different positions. woman on top, going through a "rowing" motion instead of up and down can change sensations, not to mention you can cause friction by pressing down your pelvis, getting pressure at the mons pubis and your cl!toris.
but even if you prefer other positions, such as him on top, do you self stimulate during sex? if hes uspet about your not having an orgasm, he might not want you to do this, but thats too bad. one lover i had got off almost all the time with me on top if she or i fingerstimulated her cl!toris. without that, it was much, much less likely.
if he gripes, show him the anatomy... your cl!toris is at a lousy position compared to where the action is with penetration... not to mention different women like different stimuli. hard pressure. soft touches. near thrashing. light glances. its just not as simple as saying once he is in you, you are going to get the right pressure. if hes unwilling to recognize this anatomical setup, hes probably just not going to be willing to help you the way you need him to.
also multiple stimuli at different times can keep your body guessing. for ex, my partner likes my hands on her breasts early on, but wants my mouth on her in the late stages. fingers drawn across her a$$ or thumbs pressed against the inside of her thighs if shes on top changes it. hands gently around her neck or her finger in my mouth on my tongue, sucking can push her over the top when she needs that boost.
all that said... it doesnt always go perfectly.
if i had a gun to my head and was told to get her off or else, oral is the way id go. intercourse, with all the above setups, can get her there, but not always. sometimes her mind isnt completely free. sometimes it feels great for her, but she doesnt get over the top. so... i dont want to make it sound like i know the ultimate answers in bed.
i know what works for her most of the time... and we got there through experience, effort, failure, communication, and an honest enjoyment of sex. if its all about the big "O" and you dont reach it, suddenly a wonderful act is a perceived failure. but still... thats not to say pursuit of that orgasm is something you should give up.
all you guys need is a few "wins"... if self stim got you off while hes in you, im guessing hed be more happy you got off than upset. i personally think its sexy when my partner does... i never think that shes compensating for some failure of mine...
so... get your mind in the right place. get your body the right stimulation. get your bf to be patient and willing to explore. educate yourself by reading books on sex and sensuality. its all worth the effort. just be patient and be willing to fail a little to get where you need to be.
oh god..i think i just got off from reading your post
Are you attracked to him? Do you look at porn a lot? Usually people that look at porn have a really hard time getting off from sex cause they have to visualize everything. Next time you two have sex. Try and relax close your eyes and imagine him on top of you. Sometimes if i am trying to hard and not relaxing enough I can't either. So try to relax more and foreplay really helps too. Not to be nasty or anything but maybe some lube would get you going. I like the KY warming feels so good give it a try you just my burst!!! lol
oh im definitely attracted to him..and sometime we watch porn togther, but its just for fun, not for like stimulation or anything. OH we do use lube, but it's just some regular stuff. But this one time we had a sample of this durex lube that was hot and tingly..now that was nice..i think maybe we'll go buy some of that tonight. but i'll definitely try and to imagine him on top of me more..thanks for the advice
if i want to get my partner off, and i have no restraints on time or schedules... meaning not rushing to work after, not trying to sneak something in while the kids asleep, etc... this is what works best for her...
shell take a long hot shower to warm her body and relax. whatever room we are going to be in should be warm and comfortable... this can be by the fireplace, this can be in the bedroom with the space heater running while shes in the shower. i want her naked and not hiding under covers to stay warm.
after the hot shower we might kiss and pet some. i like a lot more kissing than she does, so i tend to move on sooner. using either massage oil or even body lotion ill work her body from head to toe... or sometimes from toes to head. if he doesnt know how to give a good massage, get a few books. a little reading goes a long way. there are tons of books out there that can get him, and you started. tied into that, there are also good books that talk about sensual touching, which helps you build up tension and connect through skin on skin.
a key element is to take time. guys rush things... ive done it and i still do if im not thinking. that said, time of day can be important... if i massage her at 10pm at night, she might nearly be asleep by the time im done. earlier in the day and she can think about how it feels to have my fingertips trace her, and tie that into sexual energy... not just relaxation.
after that, theres more kissing and i work with my mouth and fingers from her neck, slowly down her chest, her abs, her hips, inner thighs, and then ill go down on her. if you havent read "she comes first" do it. im getting tired of recommending it in nearly every post, but its a great way to learn about your own body. not to mention it changed a few things ive been doing, for the better.
mkay...so oral on her to completion or close to it. personally, to completion is great. intercourse after.
with intercourse, yes you need to explore different positions. woman on top, going through a "rowing" motion instead of up and down can change sensations, not to mention you can cause friction by pressing down your pelvis, getting pressure at the mons pubis and your cl!toris.
but even if you prefer other positions, such as him on top, do you self stimulate during sex? if hes uspet about your not having an orgasm, he might not want you to do this, but thats too bad. one lover i had got off almost all the time with me on top if she or i fingerstimulated her cl!toris. without that, it was much, much less likely.
if he gripes, show him the anatomy... your cl!toris is at a lousy position compared to where the action is with penetration... not to mention different women like different stimuli. hard pressure. soft touches. near thrashing. light glances. its just not as simple as saying once he is in you, you are going to get the right pressure. if hes unwilling to recognize this anatomical setup, hes probably just not going to be willing to help you the way you need him to.
also multiple stimuli at different times can keep your body guessing. for ex, my partner likes my hands on her breasts early on, but wants my mouth on her in the late stages. fingers drawn across her a$$ or thumbs pressed against the inside of her thighs if shes on top changes it. hands gently around her neck or her finger in my mouth on my tongue, sucking can push her over the top when she needs that boost.
all that said... it doesnt always go perfectly.
if i had a gun to my head and was told to get her off or else, oral is the way id go. intercourse, with all the above setups, can get her there, but not always. sometimes her mind isnt completely free. sometimes it feels great for her, but she doesnt get over the top. so... i dont want to make it sound like i know the ultimate answers in bed.
i know what works for her most of the time... and we got there through experience, effort, failure, communication, and an honest enjoyment of sex. if its all about the big "O" and you dont reach it, suddenly a wonderful act is a perceived failure. but still... thats not to say pursuit of that orgasm is something you should give up.
all you guys need is a few "wins"... if self stim got you off while hes in you, im guessing hed be more happy you got off than upset. i personally think its sexy when my partner does... i never think that shes compensating for some failure of mine...
so... get your mind in the right place. get your body the right stimulation. get your bf to be patient and willing to explore. educate yourself by reading books on sex and sensuality. its all worth the effort. just be patient and be willing to fail a little to get where you need to be.
hahaa sorry, ill wrote more to this comment..i just needed sometime to breath..
anyways we never really spent ONE whole night on just being romantic..we dont usually have alot of time for it, but i think we'll try this next weekend.. with candles and massages and everything.
and about the self stimulation while having sex..i think about doing it sometime..but then i stop cause i think it'd be to awkward...but next time..ill just go for it..
anyways i think u should think about writing erotic novels...i'd def buy one..
just try to relax. a "big weekend" can have stress and tension if you are too worried about making it "perfect"...
dont be afraid to talk to him. be willing to tell him to go slower, kiss you "here", etc... and be willing to guide him with your voice and your hands and your body. the more you can enjoy the experience of being with him, the closer you will get to where you need to be.
so have fun. its not now or never. some of my best sensual experiences happen long before orgasm, or happen when no sex even occured.
Kp2171 - I gotta spread the love so I can't give you a greenie, but MY GOD! I'm printing that post out and posting it on my fridge for my bf to read. Now that's how you treat a lady!!
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