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I'm a 29 year old women, married 7 years with two children. I'm asking for some advise/help on what I can do to help me achieve orgasm during intercourse with my husband (which I NEVER have).
I began having sex at 16 yrs old about the same time I got pregnant and had my first child. Three yrs later I had my second. Since then I haven't ever had an orgasm by anyone but myself during masturbation when I'm alone.
I do however "fake" orgasm to excite my husband, and other times I just let him know that it didn't happen for me. He does try to pleasure me but to no avail. Is there something I don't know that I should try? Please help.
Well, I am sure glad that I found someone else that had the same problem as I do.. I am 28 been married 7 yrs and have 2 kids also, there ages are 6 and 5. I have never had an orgasm during sexual intercourse, and like you I fake it good and I hate to do that but I don't want to hurt his feelings because I mean its GOOD SEX but I just couldn't reach orgasm and I didn't want him to think something was wrong with him because he wasn't at all him it was me.. But I do when I use my vibrator and that works wonders and I am so glad that I finally found something that helps me out cause I never knew that what I was missing felt so GOOD...I got the one they call a bullet, it looks kinda like an egg and you can put it on him when you guys are having SEX and it works great on you and you will be surprised at how fast you reach orgasm. I would try a vibrator if I was you and see if that works it did for me so maybe it will for you.. Good LUCK on trying Kym
My wife had the problem that you have, only difference is that she did not know that she was suppose to have an orgasm. And neither did I. I had read some about the difference in the male and female and it said that females do no *** as a male does, therefor I had that idea. After over a year and talking to other couples we found out that my wife was suppose to have an orgasm and they instructed on how to try to achieve it. First thing for us to try was more foreplay, even to the point of making her have a orgasm during foreplay. This helped very much and she sometimes would have an orgasm during intercourse. Then we found another thing that worked on her. She had always given me oral sex from the time we were dating but she herself did not ever want it so I did not push her to let me. One day we rented a porn movie and it showed a guy giving oral and she commented that it really looked hot and that it had made her hot. We went to bed and tried it and it did make her have an orgasm. Now in our foreplay we always have a session of oral sex. After that we had intercourse and she had two orgasms in a row. It does not work every time but she does not worry about it because she gets a lot of pleasure anyway.
if you self stimulate what areas work best? (you dont need to answer that necess in this post, just think about it) c1itoral stim? g spot? both? are there other sensations such as breast stimulation that drive you over the top?
obviously c1itoral is the big one... but not the only one, and for some women it is not the one and only thing that works all the time. so the first thing is understanding the difference physically between self stim and what youre doing or not doing during sex.
also theres the mental side. if you cannot get lost in the moment, even "all the right moves" may not bring you there. and it gets worse when you are anxious about it.
i think most men, at least those who are generally considerate, want to please a woman in bed. if your man is not doing some things you need, then you need to help him help you.
oral stim to orgasm, as mentioned, is an option, followed by intercourse. with my partner, i can get her to orgasm most of the time orally (unless shes just mentally not there), and then sometimes a second time w intercourse. without oral, id say she can only get there some of the time. usually with her on top so she has more control over the pressure points and stimulation.
there are a few positions you can try to stimulate different spots. one ive mentioned here before is with the man on bottom, woman on top of him but with her back to him... her back to his chest. he'll need to do most of the work, with him moving you toward his head and feet by rocking his pelvis and using his legs.
the bad news is this might stim him so much that he gets off fast (its my fav position) and it isnt necessarily the most comfortable for the woman.
the good news is if he can hold back, he can stim your g spot by being inside you at this angle, you can stimulate your c1itoris with your fingers (do it... he might be surprised, but hell likely be arounsed that you are doing this if he has any sense), he can stimulate your neck and ears with his mouth, and his hands can be on your chest and neck... just a lot of potential for stimulation, if hes willing to hold back and you give him some direction. if my partner does self stim in this position, she wont climax... and it took us two years or more to "discover" that all she needed to do was use her fingers in this position to make it one she also enjoyed.
* edited in... forgot to mention * another girl i dated occasionally got off during sex, but for her what worked like magic was the guy on top, missionary, and after a bit, when the sensations began to level off some, shed want me to stim her c1it with my fingers. in her case, strong pressure there absolutely did the job and pushed her over the edge like throwing a switch. i never would have done this without her asking, and we were both glad she did... cause it meant she could nearly orgasm each time, as opposed to some of the time.
the bad news is, again, this isnt a thing that works for all. the next girl i dated HATED this and actually pushed my hand away a few times before i realized my perfect "trick" was only perfect for that one girl. but you can try it... if he doesnt do it right and you cannot direct him, you can always again use your own hands... again, he might wonder at first if hes doing something wrong, but if you orgasm... well a little uncertainty is worth it. *end of edit*
so... theres other things you can try to... i wont keep going here... long enough post.
the biggest thing is try to find a way to be more open and vocal about what you want. give a little direction. he should be intrigued that you desire something. the more you talk about what feels good, the more likely you will find satisfaction.
also, a vibrator doesnt necessarily need to be inside you when your guy is... if that is too far over the edge. you can use a massage vibrator gently at the back of your hips or have him drag it up your back... other stimulations like hot or cold (ice, for ex) can change things up enough to heighten the sensations.
There are a lot of diffrent things you can do.
If you masterbate and get off then you now what you like.
Tell him what to do.
Toys are a plus.
If your guy can not last long enough to get you close to orgasm then maybe you should try extended pleasure condoms they work really well.
My wife had a problem of no orgasm until we tried these a few times.
Now she gets off on more regular basis.
Plus these will help his stamina even after you queit using them.
my wife has hardly ever reached climax in the missionary position... with any man... as in its happened just a time or two in her lifetime, and never with me. i asked her about this some time ago because she seemed to enjoy the position, but never quite gets there.
well it is just not a postion that does anything for her, at least to get her over the top. she likes the sensations, but needs more pressure near the pubic bone, so on top positions have always been the best for that for her.
this problem with your husband can be helped for him to get more stamina tell him to masturbate and when he is about to climax stop and hold it. do this a couple of time and he will eventualy be able to last longer
Have you ever thought that you may be trying or concentrating too hard on having an orgasm. Try different positions or places other than the bed. The thought of doin it in a forbiden place may arouse you enough to bust one.
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