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hi i am 20 years old and recently got into a new relationship with my boyfriend and we are sexually active. Let me say up front that we are both safe and use protection. I have absolutely no complaints about the sex it is earth shattering for me and he really enjoys it as well. My problem seems to be the exact opposite of everybodies. My man always see's to my needs first. he never lets himself go until i have finished at least twice. That really frustrates me because I want to be able to take care of his needs completely, even if it means I don't finish.
the problem comes when i try to give him a fellatio and make it completely about him he can't come. he has no problem coming while we have intercourse but I want to be able to do this for him I want to be able to give him this gift. Is there anyway that I can I don't want to say MAKE him finish but help him get past that block he seems to have and get him to finish. If anyone has an answer I would really appreciate it. thank you.
I have to admit, I haven't heard the word "fellatio" in a long time! It kind of confused me
I would have to say that this sounds like something that you would have to talk to him about. Just tell him that you want to make him happy and that tonight is all about him. Maybe throw in how it would make you happy to see him happy.
You might also want to ask him if this is the best approach to making him happy! Maybe that just isn't his "thing," ask him if there is something else he prefers. Believe it or not, I actually know a guy that doesn't like it! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER, HAHA! Oh well, everyone has there own tastes.............literally
what do you worry about? For a man only one thing is important : that he climaxes at some time. When or how is totally irrelevant, as long as he likes the way in which that is obtained.
The male may have a clear preference how to climax, and that should be ok as long as that does not create a problem with the partner - as example for that for instance when the male prefers to climax in the anus of his partner - a clear no no for a smaller group of women.
So as long as you are treated well, and he is treated well ... You have a wonderfull relationship : enjoy it and saveguard it ! No need to worry at all. Keep communicating to see if both partners get whatever they want. The sequence itself is rather unimportant, although I know that it is nice if both can climax simultaneously ...
your concern is understandable... even if your situation is quite enviable for many women who will read it.
that you have a lover who is giving, willing and able to hold back, able to get you to orgasm consistently, and then able to engage and release is a great thing.
but it feels great to make the other partner "first" sometimes and make it not about you at all. if i pull my lover to the edge of the bed first thing in the morning and get her off orally, sometimes thats all i want. to see and hear her lose herself in that moment. give her that little surprise wake-me-up with no strings attached. send her on her way with a bounce in her step.
so you want to do the same for him.
have you tried fellatio in the middle of the night? when hes deep in sleep wake him up with oral and see how he responds. also, if you take a position where you are giving oral by kneeling alongside his body (instead of near his knees) he can have hand access to your chest. or a sideways 69 position when you are on your side, but not straddling him with your legs, can maybe work.
or try oral when he first steps out of the shower. when my lover has done this... waited for me in the bathroom when i wasnt expecting her to be there and then pulling me to her and performing oral, its a fantastic surprise.
the ideas behind oral when hes not expecting it is an attempt to catch him off balance... before he engages any mental blocks that are needed to wait for you to get "yours" first.
all that said... if you find he still isnt as responsive as youd like, try not to make this an issue too much. it might simply be that he needs that mental release of knowing you are satisfied before he can get himself to relax.
my partner, for ex, isnt going to have an orgasm if shes especially stressed and cant lose herself in the moment. i could do all the "right things" and still shed not be able to get there mentally. i dont take it personally.
so lets role reversal, sort of... if i want my lover to be lost in the moment, as ive written here before, there are some things id do long before sex. wherever sex will happen would be neat, clean, and comfortable. it could mean the bedroom is warm enough shell want to be naked and the bed is neatly made, or her fav, softest blankets are by the fire... an inviting space wherever it is. a hot shower to reduce tension in her body. maybe a glass of wine. definately my hands over her skin to build sensual tension. etc. these are all things that can help her relax and lose herself in the moment. this doesnt happen everytime we have sex, but the more i can get her mentally relaxed, the faster and easier she achieves orgasm.
well... what about him? any reason you cannot do the same? get a good book on massage or sensual touch. you dont have to do it step by step, but just understanding some of the basic strokes of a good massage can help you out. your mind is often the most important errogenous zone, but your skin overall is the biggest... and we tend to focus on areas and regions instead of using it all. maybe he will respond well to massage. maybe not. but placing your skin on his skin is a great way to build sensual tension while easing distraction stress.
so... maybe try this out. likewise, sharing books about sex can be a way to find common ground and open yourself up to good communication and relaxing in the bedroom.
one of my latest fav authors has been ian kerner. his first book, She Comes First, is an easy read and a book i think most people should look at when first exploring sex. this book wont necessarily help you in this cause, as his angle is for the man to pleasure the woman first, often with oral to orgasm or close to orgasm. nevertheless, its easy to read and has some good points, especially about delaying going after the cl!toris too fast.
his follow up, He Comes Next, explores the male side of things, and like She Comes First, while he has suggestions about things to try, it isnt really a recipe for perfect results... good cooks understand the ingedients that can be used to make great food... so a recipe isnt always needed in the kitchen, just the knowledge and understanding of what is available. same with sex... he has suggestions that might be useful... my point isnt about recipes for sex... its about finding ways to engage him in exploring sex and talking more openly about what feels good and what isnt working.
if you can find something to read and share, its not presented as a "problem"... not an "issue"... the last thing you want to do is demand he have an orgasm by oral and stomp your foot, even though most men would relish that ultimatum. in reading, at least its someone elses idea and you are just exploring it.
lastly, i was friends with a guy who absolutely loved sex. but wasnt turned on at all about oral. he just didnt like the idea of it. it was how he was wired. if your guy is like that... you might just need to accept it and enjoy your life in the bedroom with multiple orgasms.
as long as you are having fun and there isnt pressure, you are doing it "right" and not getting in your own way. if this becomes too much of a stressor, you just need to accept it.
I can relate this problem much like running after a moving train.
He is going to have his "buttons" . Then the rest of the area feels really good but don't contribute to actually getting him off. Being as you build to that even time spent away from those targets can prolong the act if you know what you are doing, or frustrate you to no end if you don't. It sounds like you are experiencing the latter. I had to teach my wife those fine points and now with just a little queing she knows what she needs to do.
I am more than certain its not that he can't but your focus is shifting away from what you need to get him to that point. Oh it all does feel good, for sure. But if you want to finish the act there are a few points of focus you need to know. Try talking with him and get more vocal ques as to "warmer" or "Colder" type stuff.
I can't give specifics as each womans technique varies. And to a lesser degree what works best for him. Communication between both of you during the act will help you learn to drive him crazy or get him off quick, whichever suits you and the moment.
to me you may have to state that if you are so interested in makimg ME happy, then allow me to fellate you to orgasm-that's what I'd like to do FOR YOU and in turn, FOR ME!
cheers.
P.S. I wish I had a girl who would do that for me.
Maybe his concern is for you. Have you ever performed on him until he is finished. Maybe the outcome of the act is his concern. I guess what im trying to say is this, are you going to partake in his seed or use a towel.
There was one guyI know that had been told that he could choke someone, he produced so much semen. Remembering that comment caused him to hold back. Another told me that fellatio felt great, but he needed to see himself going in and out or he couldn't climax.
If anyone has an answer I would really appreciate it. thank you.
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