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sexlesssarah · Nov 28, 2007, 02:43 PM

I am an attractive 25 year old female and my 34 year old boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore. We met at a neighborhood bar when I was doing an internship and he made the first move to call me even though I actually gave his friend (whom I was not sexually attracted to, just wanted to make friends in a new city) my number. He called me out of the blue and after a few days, I asked him to meet me for drinks at the same bar. Turned out that we got along very well and he lived very close to me; he came home with me that night, we didn't mess around until the next morning. From that day on, we spent every night together at his house.:cool: Neither of us wanted to stay at my house because we both felt that it was haunted (I honestly think it was). So I stayed over at his place almost every night for a few months and we got along very well. However, it was concerning to me that he was 34 and had never been married or even come close to it, but I let it go. :confused:

When it was time for me to return home to finish college, we were both upset and vowed to spend as much time visiting each other as possible.:( He soon after moved to his condo in Florida to take a break from work, which he had done non-stop for many years. I visited, we had fun but began bickering shortly after I told him I thought I was in love with him, which he never reciprocated or even acknowledged. Even so, I acted as if I didn't say it.

After his "break" he decided to move to Illinois and thinking it would be a good move for myself and to take the relationship to the next level, I moved as well. Since I have lived here (5 months) we have had serious issues with communication and has caused a lot of confusion and resentment. :mad: He has lost all interest in having any sort of sexual interaction with me-- when I ask if it is because he is not attracted to me anymore, he says no but that it's both because we haven't been getting along well lately (he needs "consistency" to be comfortable enough for sex) and because he feels so much pressure to be my everything in a new city so far from my friends, family, etc.

I also recently found out that he has been texting a girl from his past that he was falling in love with but she didn't feel the same. While in Florida, he was spending time with a girl he had met while there. I know what both look like and they are not very attractive ( to me) and we are completely different in our appearances (culture, complexion) I also know that he is very secretive-- erasing my computer history every time he is done, NOT INVITING ME TO HIS BFs Birthday PARTY WHEN I KNOW HE'S "Dude + 1".

I've been reading both "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" and "He's Just Not That Into You" in an attempt to understand what I am doing wrong (if anything) and how I can get things back to the way they were when we first met. Bottom line, I can't stand not being affectionate with him-- I need some intimacy and I'm now scared to even try to initiate sex with him since I know he will reject me. It's a slippery slope and I am afraid too much damage has been done to the relationship-- each argument (even after a fantastic, yet sexless Thanksgiving holiday) seems to be two steps forward, two steps back.

:confused: IS HE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME AND DOESN'T WANT TO HURT MY FEELINGS?? Please advise!! :confused:

kayleigh1989 · Nov 28, 2007, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by sexlesssarah

I am an attractive 25 year old female and my 34 year old boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore. We met at a neighborhood bar when I was doing an internship and he made the first move to call me even though I actually gave his friend (whom I was not sexually attracted to, just wanted to make friends in a new city) my number. He called me out of the blue and after a few days, I asked him to meet me for drinks at the same bar. Turned out that we got along very well and he lived very close to me; he came home with me that night, we didn't mess around until the next morning. From that day on, we spent every night together at his house.:cool: Neither of us wanted to stay at my house because we both felt that it was haunted (I honestly think it was). So I stayed over at his place almost every night for a few months and we got along very well. However, it was concerning to me that he was 34 and had never been married or even come close to it, but I let it go. :confused:

When it was time for me to return home to finish college, we were both upset and vowed to spend as much time visiting each other as possible.:( He soon after moved to his condo in Florida to take a break from work, which he had done non-stop for many years. I visited, we had fun but began bickering shortly after I told him I thought I was in love with him, which he never reciprocated or even acknowledged. Even so, I acted as if I didn't say it.

After his "break" he decided to move to Illinois and thinking it would be a good move for myself and to take the relationship to the next level, I moved as well. Since I have lived here (5 months) we have had serious issues with communication and has caused alot of confusion and resentment. :mad: He has lost all interest in having any sort of sexual interaction with me-- when I ask if it is because he is not attracted to me anymore, he says no but that it's both because we haven't been getting along well lately (he needs "consistency" to be comfortable enough for sex) and because he feels so much pressure to be my everything in a new city so far from my friends, family, etc.

I also recently found out that he has been texting a girl from his past that he was falling in love with but she didn't feel the same. While in Florida, he was spending time with a girl he had met while there. I know what both look like and they are not very attractive ( to me) and we are completely different in our appearances (culture, complexion) I also know that he is very secretive-- erasing my computer history everytime he is done, NOT INVITING ME TO HIS BFs BDAY PARTY WHEN I KNOW HE'S "Dude + 1".

I've been reading both "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" and "He's Just Not That Into You" in an attempt to understand what I am doing wrong (if anything) and how I can get things back to the way they were when we first met. Bottom line, I can't stand not being affectionate with him-- I need some intimacy and I'm now scared to even try to initiate sex with him since I know he will reject me. It's a slippery slope and I am afraid too much damage has been done to the relationship-- each argument (even after a fantastic, yet sexless Thanksgiving holiday) seems to be two steps forward, two steps back.

:confused: IS HE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME AND DOESN'T WANT TO HURT MY FEELINGS??????? Please advise!!!!!! :confused:

Well by what you said I think his done something bad an he don't want to say an if he don't want to have sex with you or keeps pushing you away I think you should leave it an see if he will running back to u.

Ash123 · Nov 28, 2007, 06:04 PM

This is normal and rather common issue.

Heck, look at the post right right next to you on the board.

Lack of intimacy occurs when there is an underlying problem or perhaps just an instinctual need to move on.

Respect and love are key ingredients in fighting this.
I do not see that with you all. at all.

I see a relationship you need to have the guts to acknowledge may be over.....and look for something better and more fulfilling.

usa1 · Nov 28, 2007, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by sexlesssarah

I am an attractive 25 year old female and my 34 year old boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore. We met at a neighborhood bar when I was doing an internship and he made the first move to call me even though I actually gave his friend (whom I was not sexually attracted to, just wanted to make friends in a new city) my number. He called me out of the blue and after a few days, I asked him to meet me for drinks at the same bar. Turned out that we got along very well and he lived very close to me; he came home with me that night, we didn't mess around until the next morning. From that day on, we spent every night together at his house.:cool: Neither of us wanted to stay at my house because we both felt that it was haunted (I honestly think it was). So I stayed over at his place almost every night for a few months and we got along very well. However, it was concerning to me that he was 34 and had never been married or even come close to it, but I let it go. :confused:

When it was time for me to return home to finish college, we were both upset and vowed to spend as much time visiting each other as possible.:( He soon after moved to his condo in Florida to take a break from work, which he had done non-stop for many years. I visited, we had fun but began bickering shortly after I told him I thought I was in love with him, which he never reciprocated or even acknowledged. Even so, I acted as if I didn't say it.

After his "break" he decided to move to Illinois and thinking it would be a good move for myself and to take the relationship to the next level, I moved as well. Since I have lived here (5 months) we have had serious issues with communication and has caused alot of confusion and resentment. :mad: He has lost all interest in having any sort of sexual interaction with me-- when I ask if it is because he is not attracted to me anymore, he says no but that it's both because we haven't been getting along well lately (he needs "consistency" to be comfortable enough for sex) and because he feels so much pressure to be my everything in a new city so far from my friends, family, etc.

I also recently found out that he has been texting a girl from his past that he was falling in love with but she didn't feel the same. While in Florida, he was spending time with a girl he had met while there. I know what both look like and they are not very attractive ( to me) and we are completely different in our appearances (culture, complexion) I also know that he is very secretive-- erasing my computer history everytime he is done, NOT INVITING ME TO HIS BFs BDAY PARTY WHEN I KNOW HE'S "Dude + 1".

I've been reading both "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" and "He's Just Not That Into You" in an attempt to understand what I am doing wrong (if anything) and how I can get things back to the way they were when we first met. Bottom line, I can't stand not being affectionate with him-- I need some intimacy and I'm now scared to even try to initiate sex with him since I know he will reject me. It's a slippery slope and I am afraid too much damage has been done to the relationship-- each argument (even after a fantastic, yet sexless Thanksgiving holiday) seems to be two steps forward, two steps back.

:confused: IS HE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME AND DOESN'T WANT TO HURT MY FEELINGS??????? Please advise!!!!!! :confused:

Hi If I didn't know better I would think we are dating the same guy. I am going through the same thing and I too feel unattractive. My Boyfriend stopped having sex with me a year ago and I have been so depressed. It does make you feel undesirable and unwanted and it hurts both phsyically because you want to be close to him and emotionally because you care and as women we need intimacy more so than men I think. It's in our genetic makeup. I don't know what to do either,I wish I knew why

Ash123 · Nov 28, 2007, 06:31 PM

Please read my post...

You two may be missing the point.

LOVE AND RESPECT ARE ESSENTIAL... many men pursue women as a biological conquest. Then move on.
This is what teens do. This is what adolescents do. This is NOT what grown ups do. He has not matured and you are suffering.

DO NOT BE A VICTIM. WOMEN need to fight this even if they feel societally or economically trapped.

LIFE IS SHORT.

If you are unhappy - then speak out and/or move on...

I know it is hard but we are rooting for you - and you deserve to not be a victim of no respect and limited love...