Hey everyone. So the title pretty much says it all, but here's the scoop.

We've been together 3 years we are both in our late 20's live together. When we first started dating we couldn't keep our hands off each other we'd have sex everyday then after a year it's gone to maybe 3 times a week and now hitting 3rd year if we have sex once every 2 months it's a miracle.

I try to keep a fit body toned and what not, buy sexy lingerie, get all dolled up try and be dirty and naughty and get rejected 90% of the time. Excuse is I'm tired pretty much all the time, and when we do have sex I have to be on top he'll get into it, then just lay there even though I'm not satisfied and tell me I can keep going he'll just lay here which makes me feel disgusting because after he's cummed he falls asleep or is half dead and expects me to please myself while he just lays there still, at first I'd try to kiss him play with his balls/penis to get him going again but nothing so I hop off (I'm not having sex with someone who is dead to the world!).

What is weird though every night and morning he makes me jerk him off or give him a blow job, so he's always horny but too tired for sex. When I've said to him what's going on, we don't have sec anymore, is there anything I can do to get him going and I mean anything, I'll fulfill his sex fantasy and all he says is I'm tired, but again never too tired two jerk off twice a day. He'll play with my boobs and butt and say he loves them and gets hard but won't go any further. Not mention in the 3 years I've been with him he has not gone down at me at all he says it's wrong for guys to do it and gross! Don't get me wrong he loves me and takes care of me like I him but our sex life has gone down hill so much I'm worried I know everyone goes through a honeymoon period but this is ridiculous we don't have sex anymore.

I feel so humiliated and rejected not to mention how self conscious that perhaps I'm not good enough for him but every time I try to start the conversation he gets frustrated or just ignores it. I don't get it, what am I doing wrong? What can I do? I don't want to break up with him. I love him too much he is my other half. I just need advice as to how to approach this or how to get his libido up and running again.

We both work full time I come home clean cook and do the washing so I'm physically and mentally drained but still want to jump him and please him. Not to sound cocky either but I do get a lot of male attention from guys who would want to have sex with me (no I'm not tempted not will I ever cheat, I love my partner), but it makes me think if they find me attractive and want to have sex with me why doesn't my partner want to have sex with me?

I'm just confused hurt, and upset.

How old are both of you?

Both 26

Ok... that eliminate some of the age related possibilities.

I'm thinking there is something going on you aren't aware of. Something that's upset him that hasn't gotten him angry enough to make a huge issue of... its possible he got a feeling you are wanting to have a kid.. and he's not on board with it.

THere is also the possibilitiy of his really being tired. There is a huge differnce between knocking one off real quick by himself and everythign that goes with making love with you which takes a much larger effort and expenditure of energy.

Its also likely that after three years together the initial excitement has worn off... which is normal at around that time... however not as much as has happened in this case. So the possibility is also that while he does care for you... he may not feel as in love with you as he once did... actually more like the lust phase has wrn off, and the lust hasn't been replaced by love in his case.

As far as him not going down on you......thats a personal issue with him....just like there are some women who won't do that either. I don't understand it....because I'm not like that. It might be a deep seated revulsion at the idea.....I'm guessing its not a hygine or personal grooming issue (most guys really aren't into snarfing down on a thick mat of fur, while a few actually do). (edit) what I mean by that....is many prefer to eat their dinner off a smooth plate...than off a piece of shag carpet. (Just trying to keep it from being too graphic)

Best advice is getting him to talk....and being careful how you chose your words that won't put him on the defensive and be counter productive as a result.

We can only guess.....but he actually knows the reasons behind it.

Hard to have a healthy sex life over time without being able to talk, listen and being willing to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both. The fact that you CANNOT talk is the issue and you allow him to be a lazy lover is a huge factor. I think your question to him should be the lack of talking, instead of the lack of sex, if you expect this relationship to continue. He seems to have what he wants already but you don't.

He doesn't appear very grateful for your efforts as he gets the benefits of it. Maybe without the lust of your bodies you are finding out that the minds are very disconnected. Victoria's Secret won't help with talking and listening, nor will being his sex slave that works, cooks, and cleans and can be pushed aside so easily when you dare express yourself. That's not a bond, or commitment that works in the long run. Its an arrangement that works well for just him.

Connect the minds, and the bodies will follow. If you BOTH are not willing to do that, then not much will get done for this relationship. Good luck with the negligees. They won't work, learn to talk and listen is better. It's a difficult process as you are seeing.

He sounds physically exhausted to me and is making an effort to have sex. Does he work a lot of hours?

We both work 38hours a week.

To Add more to it. It's starting to frustrate me he always wants me to jack him off or give him BJs but he won't have sex with me he always has an excuses and I mean always we haven't had sex now for well over a month if not coming up to 2 months! What irritates me even more is he whacks off every morning and night! And he said I tried to initiate you to get worked up and his initiation involved me blowing him while he rubs roughly and vigorously at my downstairs (sorry for the info) I told him that's not what I want it's not something that will turn me on easy! I want sex and yet again he had an excuse. I'm starting to get really tired of this. Everything else he is fine with he hugs me says he loves me is there for me but when it comes to sex it's a big flop. Last time we had sex...ages ago like I said well over a month if not longer...I had to be on top and do all the work. This does not make me feel sexy and when I tell him he says I'm tired your sexy I love you etc etc. last night he really frustrated me though, turned it all on me because I wouldn't give him a BJ he is like most other girls would go down on any guy, but you won't (I felt like he wanted to actually say girls would kill to blow me.) Not that I won't I'm just sick and tired of always pleasing him so I'm trying to push back thinking he might get the idea and initiate some sort of romance, he has not kissed my body ever or touched me sexually or romantically it's straight away into it since we've been together and we've been together for a few years now, when I ask him to touch me caress my body he always says he's tired and wants to do it quick and I take to long to climax. I hate conflict and this is causing the worst conflict. I've tried giving off hints and saying certain things without upsetting him and it's like he listens but doesn't do anything. Sometimes I feel so depressed rejected and undesirable that I cry myself to sleep while he sleeps next too me. Last night after his spat at me about the BJ and him whacking himself off I let it go for a few hours I walked in the room naked layed on the bed starting to kiss his body thinking it might turn him on again and we could re-try he goes to me don't you try to get horny I'm like excuse me what do you mean? He goes what do you mean what do I mean don't do it, I felt so guttered and disgusting I turned over and walked out of the room and started crying. He's been acting like this for a few months now and when I suggested maybe he speak to someone if he can't speak to me if there's something bothering him he says no. I know work stresses him but that's never stopped him in the past I'm that confused and I feel that ugly and unworthy everytime I look at myself in the mirror I cry. I don't know what to do anymore I don't want to break up with him over sex i really do love him and I know he loves me, I just need advice on how to go about it talking doesn't really help do I need to book a counsellors appointment for him and make him go? He always loved sex now it's like he avoids it or thinks its a chore.

To put it bluntly: Dump His Ash right now.

There is no intimacy in this relationship right now. It isn't that there's no sex but no intimacy. There is hugging, and probably kissing but nothing else. He's working from a one trick play book while shoving his C**K in your mouth. He is using you as an extension of his hand and gets pissed off when you want something. I am not saying that he needs to be your personal sex toy but there has to be a balance. There are times when a quick wham bamm is in order and other times where you make love in a hour long affair.

On top of this he is borderline emotionally abusing you by doing this. How does he make you feel? Sad, depressed, rejected, undesirable, and useless. Is this something that you want live the rest of your life with? I don't think so. He's not going to change. You've tried to talk to him and that didn't work. It isn't giving up at this point. Which leads into my other point. A relationship, especially a long term romantic/intimate relationship, requires several pillars to work right. Without intimacy it is just friendship. Lack of intimacy and lack of sexual fulfilment is a completely valid reason to end a relationship. At this point I think it is the only thing you can do with this relationship, or suffer being a sexual doormat for the rest of your life. Your choice.

He is selfish and that has more to do with sex. Dump him.

He responds to being jerked off, or a blow job. There's no way your vagina can compare to a hand or a mouth in terms of tightness.

He's being selfish. Very selfish. This issue isn't going to get better, because he won't talk about it, and especially won't listen to what you have to say. Nor does he seem to care about your concerns, and your needs. Only his own.

I'd dump him. This won't get fixed because he doesn't want to fix it. Why should he? He gets a hand job and a blow job every day, while you get nothing. He's content, and doesn't care that you're not.

Just an average guy speaking here... but I don't think my hand feels better. I however can't speak for all guys since that's not exactly a topic guys talk about together.

That's a great point smoothy, guys really don't like to talk about their very most private matter. Made worse by the risk of being judged by a partner, and worse it being a cause for conflict, misunderstanding and resentment. I think few females can understand why a guy would rather lie than avoid criticism and hurt feeling and conflict about his own body behavior, that's probably been hidden and denied since puberty.

However this particular guy is a taker but gives NOTHING and she enables him by giving into his program. Just by saying NO a few times and him not getting what he wants would be a fight worth having if the relationship is to survive or crash under its own unfairness. He doesn't want to fight for her own dignity, and self respect and rock the boat and risk losing him.

Wonder why?