Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years & lately our sex life has dwindled down to a bare minimum. I was usinv his phone the other day for map quest something because he was driving and as I was typing in the search bar a list of lrevious pgs popped up Nd they were mostly porn links. I had caught him about a yr ago looking at it & about 6 months ago as wel.I have confronted him on each occasion and none of them was I snooping. I know he's a man and he has urges butits affecting my view on our relationship because we aren't having as much sex as much as he's watching porn I have asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he wants to try anyrhing new or ill even watch it with him. But he still lies and I feel like he's not attracted to me or bored he tells me he loves me wants my children but its only been four years if he's borex aith me already then should I cut it off since he's not willing to compromise? :'(

The porn may or may not be what is effecting your sex life. You need to get into counseling with him.

Of course with that said, you don't seem to be willing to compromise and allow him to watch porn, and you said you "confronted " him, so what do you expect, confront means you were already going from the view point it was wrong and bad.

It is possible that the drop in sex has other issues, but without communication no one will know.

I agree with Chuck. You mention that you "caught him" and "confronted him" and "he lies" and "he's not willing to compromise." It doesn't sound like you are willing to compromise either and are treating him like a bad little boy. That apparently isn't inspiring him to be involved in a happy, fulfilling sex life with you.

I suggest you two see a couples counselor, or you see one alone to get your priorities in order.

I am thinking there are other issues at play here. As WonderGirl and Fr_Chuck have said.

A note. Looking at porn is a reflection on how he views you. He isn't looking at it because he doesn't want to be with you. He wants a quiet moment to unload. It is just him and his fantasies. No other expectations or anyone else to worry about. It is his alone time.

I think there are severe trust issues and other things that need to be looked at. Ie, stress, exhaustion, drug/alcohol/smoking, and the like to be looked at before porn.

Porn has become the big boogie man and be all/end all/ blame all for a lot of relationship problems. This is mostly because of the ease of access and how it is still kind of taboo. I am not saying it isn't the porn, but it is highly unlikely.

But I am willing to compromise it doesn't bother me that he watches it it's the fact that he is sneaky about it and most women wouldn't be willing to watch porn with their boyfriend or husband or significant other it's the fact that he's doing it behind my back which he's a man is he's a human being and I understand he needs private time and needs to fufil his fantasies just as any other person would want or need to but when he is completely not giving me any kind of satisfaction or any kind of sexual satisfaction this is now to the point where I am.not being satisfied a healthy relationship it involves trust communication and sex it's a 2 way street if he can satisfy himself by looking at his phone but yet not satisfy me I feel worthless I wonder how hed feel if I was searching huge penis's hed feel uncomfortable too like he's not big enough(just an examole)

I'm guessing he would give you applause for looking for big penises. He's sneaky because you are forcing him to be sneaky. You are still making him the bad guy and doing something you don't approve of. Something more than him looking at porn is going on here.

I'm cool with him watching porn I've purchased couples droid I did even purchased porn movies I even offered to allow him to video or take pictures I have no problem with it it's the fact that he's not being honest it makes me feel unappreciative thanks for the help but no thanks there is no bad or good guy here all I'm asking for him to do is not lie about it he knows I couldn't care less I've offered him to go to counseling with me or us to go to counseling together he has admitted that he has a problem looking at it so I guess that's going on to a question and answer online website to see answers from people I don't even know if you help me wasn't the most brightest realistic idea I could have looked into thanks but no thanks

Why does he lie about it?
He needs new glasses or what is the problem "looking at it"?

Why did he "admit he has a problem"?

Please use punctuation in your responses.

Compromise requires both parties to be flexible. From what you've typed you're not willing to compromise. It is no wonder that he is being so sneaky about it. Think about how you confronted him on each occasion. You chastised him so he is going to be working harder to hide it from you. He doesn't want another confrontation.

What is his life like? Why is his libido low? Stress? Work? Exhaustion? We need a full picture of what is going on. It might not be what you think it is. Is he a smoker, drinker, pot user?

Why don't you? Really? Why rely on him for your own satisfaction? Sex is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put in. (I love that quote). As I stated above and before him rubbing one off isn't a reflection on you. He probably needs a little release and it's simple and easy.

I would be looking for what is causing his libido to be low. Have you talked to him in a non-accusatory fashion? Ask what is going on with him and what is wrong?

OK... first point here... you aren't his mommy, and he doesn't NEED permission to look at porn any more than he needs it to watch the news... as others were getting at... you are "confronting" him... and that is automatically putting him on the defensive... and that is a broad term... and its all on how he percieves your approach.. even if you honestly may not be intending it as such... your choice of words on the topic is what is indicating this is the case. Read what you said... your expect HIM to stop... you think he should compromise his rights as an adult, rather than you compromise and deal with the real issues of yourself esteme which will be the one thing that will improve anything.. anything else is sweeping the problem under the carpet as it will still be there.

Also... this has nothing to do with you... even impotient men will watch porn... and having sex isn't even a choice or option for them. Guys are wired to like seeing the naked body... (your orientation determines which ones you like to see) and we like to see a variety. We can be married to (name a supermodel) but we would still like to see other naked bodies.

Watching and chasing are not the same thing. Being married you do have an expectation he not be chasing... but not if he looks at others.

Example here... I like blondes and big boobs... I always have... I also have a thing for Asians... but I chose to marry a woman that is none of those... doesn't mean I like her any less, or that I don't like the others any more. It's a diversion... if you liven on the beach in Hawaii, would you go on vacation to ANOTHER beach in Hawaii? Probibly not... and doing so doesn't mean you hate the beach you live on.

Also since it really is the same thing... does he get upset if you have a fascination with Brad Pitt (or name another actor)? And like to watch his movies? Should Hubby get upset over that? Does that affect how you see him? If you are less than amourous is that the reason automatically? The answers should all be no.

And I feel as others are suggesting... the real problem lies eleswhere... and counseling can help find it.

Hi t.lamb
I understand how you feel and I agree with you that if a man is masturbating to porn or whatever INSTEAD of making love to his partner then there is something wrong in the relationship. I'm not particularly saying that it's wrong to watch porn (I wouldn't want to get a scalding from smoothy and craven ;-) ) but I think that if a partner is being affected by it then it needs addressing. If he really loved you and cared for you then he would not want to upset you in that way. He would also want to make love to you at least a few times a week. In my eyes, if he is choosing porn over real sex because he is too tired or it's easier, then he is being selfish!
He might be a bit bored. It's easy to feel like that if you do the same things in the bedroom.
Your needs are just as important as his and you are a couple! He is taking care of himself. You are not being selfish, he is! You want to please him and keep the sexual spark going, but he is just choosing the easy option. That's not what a relationship is about! If I was you I would explain how much it hurts you and suggest you have a weekend away where you can refocus on spicing things up and then ask him to make a conscious effort to be more sexual towards you in the future. Take some champaign and a picnic, offer to watch porn with him, dress up in something kinky, give him a massage