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    isabella1's Avatar
    isabella1 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 11, 2007, 01:38 PM
    Boyfriend watching porn
    My situation is a little different because I don't believe my boyfriend has an addiction. I want to know what it is though. I've caught my boyfriend on two different occasions looking at porn and he knows how upset I am about the whole porn thing and he promised he would not do it again. My problem now is that I found out he subscribed to a live porn site where you interact with couples and singles and tell them what to do and they do it. He says it wasn't all the time I am home a lot so I know he doesn't have that many instances to do it but his reasoning on it is that he just likes watching people have sex. I told him if it was that innocent why didn't he tell me about it and now take it too a personal level. I feel he cheated. I do want to forgive him because I know he's truly sorry but how many times will it take for me to believe him when he promised twice before and did it a third time and even worse this time. Please I need some advice because I want to get over this but don't know how.
    Andreas_111's Avatar
    Andreas_111 Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #2

    Jun 12, 2007, 12:59 AM
    Don't feel like he cheated because he didn't.
    Talk with him and try to offer him what he wants yourself! So that he won't be looking elsewhere
    sbk100's Avatar
    sbk100 Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 12, 2007, 02:21 AM
    This appears to be an addiction ( I know you don't agree). Find out what he wants, if its sex then have more often, it keeps urge to watch porn at bay
    I don't think he has cheated on you, its just that habit making him watch porn...
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Jun 12, 2007, 05:24 AM
    Well this can be a bit of a grey area in my mind depending on the levels of what is discussed.

    THe difference being human interaction. Porn is purely visual with no interaction like reading a book.

    Chatting or actively engaging in dialog with others in this subject is pretty easy to blurr the lines between what can be considered cheating or not.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jun 12, 2007, 06:06 AM
    Isabella1, My situation is a little different because I don't believe my boyfriend has an addiction. I want to know what it is though. I've caught my boyfriend on two different occasions looking at porn and he knows how upset I am about the whole porn thing and he promised he would not do it again.
    Sounds like mommy will punish her child for being bad. Not a good setting for dialog.

    My problem now is that I found out he subscribed to a live porn site where you interact with couples and singles and tell them what to do and they do it.
    Wow, The toys they have today amazes me. All we had were Playboy and Hustler.

    He says it wasn't all the time I am home a lot so I know he doesn't have that many instances to do it but his reasoning on it is that he just likes watching people have sex.
    Young guys love it!!!

    I told him if it was that innocent why didn't he tell me about it and now take it too a personal level.
    Knowing you don't like it and he does, he thought he could keep it from you and not upset you, but you "caught" him.
    I feel he cheated.
    No he didn't! But you feel that way, and there is the rub.
    I do want to forgive him because I know he's truly sorry
    Sorry for being caught, and upsetting you but that cheating thing is a stretch. That's your problem to deal with not his. He doesn't think he's cheating, I can assure you. A man engaging his fantasy, and curiosity is NOT cheating on you. OKAY!!!

    But how many times will it take for me to believe him when he promised twice before and did it a third time and even worse this time.
    A very unreasonable promise he made to assuage your feelings, and keep you from being upset. Where was the honest dialog and compromise adults make who love and understand each other?? The fact he has to hide what he does is a testament that your position has no compromise and is that fair. By the way you weren't supposed to catch him.

    Please I need some advice because I want to get over this but don't know how.
    How about some honest talking and listening and giving him some privacy and stop catching him like a little kid. Talk about how you feel and understand how he feels, respect each other and understand your issues and compromise where you both can be happy. Telling some one don't do this, is almost a guarantee they will do it. Don't think I'm putting the problem all on you as he has to learn to express how he really feels about things and not just go along with whatever you say only to turn around and do it anyway. I guess it was easier to say yes dear than get into a conflict, which is the heart of your problem. Talk and listen to each other, without judgements the solution to this problem. Compromise will bond you.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #6

    Jun 12, 2007, 06:42 AM
    Isabella You can not make someone be or have the morals and values that you choose. You must let him make his own choices, without fear of being reprimanded by you, give him the freedom to be who he is and to do what he wants to do. This is truly loving someone. Then it is up to you to decide, if you want to be married, to the real him, not the one that you have created. :) peace
    lella87's Avatar
    lella87 Posts: 21, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Mar 19, 2008, 03:40 PM
    I just had this problem with my boyfriend.. and he said the only reason he watched it once without me is because he likes the fantasy of the girls dressing up and playing role reversal and was to embarrassed to ask me if id try it with him..

    Ask him what he find so fasinating about porn, and how you could turn him on just as much as the girls in porn.
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