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    My boyfriend watches porn every day.

    Asked Dec 28, 2012, 12:01 PM 22 Answers
    I can be insecure and my boyfriend is a good guy but he watches a lot of porn. I don't mind if he watches it now and then but its at least once a day even after I have gotten him off he'll go watch it.We have sex or turns with oral sex at least 6 days a week. I don't like it when he watches it and wants to have sex... so I'll say today don't watch porn because I want sex and he'll say OK and then he'll watch it and tell me he doesn't so I'll have sex with him. I'm just wondering how to get him to compromise and stop lying. I'm not going to tell him to never watch it cause he is a guy and I know most guys really enjoy porn. He reaches climax every time we are together and I've tried "everything" but he still just goes back to porn.
    Last edited by talaniman; Dec 28, 2012 at 12:26 PM.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,056, Reputation: 5106
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    #2

    Dec 28, 2012, 12:04 PM
    So if everything is going well in your sex life, why would you deny him his porn?
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
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    #3

    Dec 28, 2012, 12:27 PM


    Why are you insecure?
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    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 19,457, Reputation: 2359
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    #4

    Dec 28, 2012, 08:16 PM
    Exactly... you problem isn't porn... its your insecurity... they really AREN'T related at all... Find out why you are so insecure and deal with the insecurity... and trust me.. its not porn... thats only the excuse.

    First thing to learn... porn isn't about you... Do you watch chick flicks... with Brad Pitt or George Clooney or (fill in a male actors name). Do you read chick books like 50 shades of Gray? That's Porn for women.

    Guys like to see skin... it really is genetic.. its how we are wired... guys were like that when humanoids were hiding from the beasties by climbing up trees. And we always will. Looking at naked bodies has ZERO to do with loyalty or fidelity... they are unrelated.

    I bet you are young... really young.
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    curious1984's Avatar
    curious1984 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 28, 2012, 08:57 PM
    Actually I am not that young pushing 30.. but its not that he watches porn it's that he can't go a single day without it
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    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 19,457, Reputation: 2359
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    #6

    Dec 28, 2012, 09:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by curious1984 View Post
    actually I am not that young pushing 30..but its not that he watches porn its that he can't go a single day without it
    So? He's a normal guy... he COULD be out chasing skirts... he COULD be hanging out in bars... but he's not... he chose to be with you...

    I'm 51... I'm married... I look at some naked bodies every day... my wife doesn't have a problem with it, I don't have to hide it... And there are LOTS of others just like me.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,733, Reputation: 7219
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    #7

    Dec 28, 2012, 09:06 PM


    I am "well over 50" and while I may not every day, I do often, and my wife has no issue in it what so ever. She knows it is her that I am coming to bed with.

    It is the porn that is the issue or you would not care if it was once a week or every day, if it is not effecting you.
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    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,605, Reputation: 669
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    #8

    Dec 28, 2012, 09:22 PM
    I don't believe that "all" guys like porn and certainly your boyfriend's interest in it is extreme. Most men would not have that kind of time. He appears to be addicted to porn. I think it's a reasonable reason to end the relationship, and I would if I were you. I similarly wouldn't want to be with a guy who "had to" play video games every day. There are grown men out there who have evolved past puberty and don't need to act like they are 14 and jerking off at scout camp.

    I certainly wouldn't want porn in my house with children around.

    It's totally separate from and unnecessary for a healthy and fun, adventurous sex life.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
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    #9

    Dec 29, 2012, 06:47 AM


    Is there something you do every day that annoys him? Have you asked yourself why his personal habit annoys you, especially since it doesn't affect your sex life? Do you feel threatened by his porn watching? Why?

    How old is he and how long has this been an issue? How long have you been together? Bet he has no clue why you make such a big deal of this, since it not about sex, just a personal habit of his that bugs you. WHY??

    Please explain why you take this so personally and want to change it because YOU think he shouldn't do it every day. Do you know, or is it just YOUR feeling its wrong.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,280, Reputation: 3476
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    #10

    Dec 29, 2012, 10:54 AM
    ... so I'll say today don't watch porn because I want sex
    You have said that you have sex (oral sex is sex) six days a week. That leaves him with maybe one day a week when you aren't expecting sex of some type. Is he supposed to ask permission like a child asking to watch a cartoon? You might not like the idea, but that is how you are treating him when you try to control what he does.

    Have you ever said that and then at the end of the day changed your mind or it 'just didn't happen'?

    After sex, have you ever watched a movie/TV show or read a book especially one with an actor or character you find attractive? Looking at porn is approximately the same thing.

    If he is jumping out of bed to go look, then you might have a complaint. However, I have a feeling that porn may not be the cause but, rather, a symptom of a lack of communication. How well do you communicate about fantasies, likes, dislikes and desires?

    I honestly do not see any compromise in what you have written. What I see is a man who loves you and wants to be with you, but feels like he has to agree to your demands to keep peace. He is lying because you expect him to do what you want to make you happy.

    How has he lied to you about viewing porn? Said he wouldn't and he did? Told you he didn't when you asked? How did you find out he 'lied'? Interrogation, snooping, etc.

    He can't make you happy. No one can because you are allowing your insecurity to dictate your behavior. Think about it. You are insecure so you don't want him to view porn at certain times. If he stopped and did exactly what you want, you would be looking for evidence and interrogating him to make certain he really didn't.

    You cannot change another person. You can change yourself. You can do things that help you feel more secure about who you are. One thing about feeling more confident about yourself is that you start caring less about what he does or looks at.

    Talk to him again, but keep your mind open to listening to what he says. Try to actually work together. Think in terms of adapting to each other, not changing the other person. Instead of telling when he can view porn, talk to him about how he thinks about porn and why he looks. You are listening to complete strangers on the subject, but have you listened to him?
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