Ok, so me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now. Weve had sex too many times to count, and I have yet to make him . The first time, i just felt like i didnt do enough. Then the times prior to that I had tried every trick in the book that i knew, including oral for about an hour. Now i feel like im just not attractive enough. Ive never had this problem before.

A few times i told him he just needed to stop jacking off. And i laughed at it a bit. he'd said he now did it once a week. Since we were already on the topic, i asked him if he was "one of those porn guys" and he said "as a matter of fact, yes i am". At first i felt somewhat relieved because i was raised around guys and i knew it was a natural thing for guys to do such. I asked him if it would make things work better if we just watched porn while we had sex, and he said "id feel like **** if we had to do that." and i came to the realization that he'd just be imagining me to be one of the porn sluts on the internet.

honestly, i feel a number of ways: inadequate, hurt, angry, and just plain sick

So since i was at first ok with his little secret, i asked him what his favorite site was and he told me. just out of curiosity i checked it out. Every single woman looked almost exactly the same. (just a little overview: im not the average bleach blond with french tips, im a brunette that plays guitar, and i have never had a problem with guys wanting me) and i started remembering little things he would tell me he likes about girls. For example: he likes it when girls get french tips on their nails.
And just about every description he gave me fit the uniform epitome of the porn stars on his little web site. Now i feel like nothing i could do would make me feel "accomplished" so to speak. and ive never had a problem like this.

What do I do? He trusts me enough to tell me these things, but it really hurts.

topkay

To be honest, this relationship is not good for you except the man in question is ready to change his sexual habits.

riotgurl1819

heres the thing, im gonna give him 2 choices... 1.he gives up his lil habit and can have me all he wants, or 2. he chooses his hand and those internet sluts and can 4get about ever touching me again.

honestly the likelihood of him growing up for a change seems slim, but i have yet to find out. i dont want a perfectly good relationship to go down the drains because hes a lil too immature to appreciate a REAL human body and not just another generic barbie slut. but, hes gonna have to make that decision i guess.

i never want him to get the impression that i want him to change something so vital to his being. but if its that much of apart of him, idk if i want to be with someone like that... idk
its so confusing...

Gemini54

Look, every guy has a fantasy - but that doesn't mean that's what he wants in real life.

That's why it's a fantasy and it wouldn't be the same if they had it. So I wouldn't be worried about the girls he looks at looking different to you - I'd only be worried if he talked about it a lot and made you feel inadequate because if it. If he's looking at a bit of porn and jacking off once per week - I'd say that was pretty normal.

However, I'm not clear what it is that you can't make him do, as that word got deleted when you posted your question. Are you saying that he doesn't come when you have sex? What is it about his sexual relationship with you that doesn't work?

riotgurl1819

ok... haha yeah sorry bout that. he has yet 2 "come" the thing that isnt working 4 me is that he keeps comparing me 2 those cookie cutter porn stars either literally or metaphorically. i know the whole porn thing is not unheard of. the problem for me is that these girls can get him off and i cant. he jokingly emphasizes "i can be a minute man". the thing for me is, sex for me isnt just about me, i like to feel like im doing something for him too. and its like no matter WHAT i do, its not good enough. its almost his addiction, slightly disturbing. im trying to weigh the limits on whats just considered normal for a male his age, and if its whats causing this whole screw up in our relationship. im not sure how to let him know, but im extremely hurt over the fact that hes so much more turned on by these girls and, no matter what, not me...

riotgurl1819

and it wasnt always once per week, that was his current accomplishment so far

hollylovesbrandon

Sounds like to me that he's too juvenile to understand what he has. He wants a sex partner, a 'porn slut'. Everything he wants in material. Once he's ready to love someone for who they are and what they are then I say, be there for him. Until then, tell him that unless he comes to reality that you aren't having any of it.

riotgurl1819

yeah, ive come to that conclusion now. im kinda giving him the little short answer silent treatment. and when the "time" comes, ill tell him, im not gonna put up with him comparing me.
and honestly he can be soooo cocky, it makes me wanna go dominatrix on his *** but he doesnt like that stuff... so yeah. i know i can do better as far as sex goes. he such a sweetheart when it doesnt include the sexual aspect. but at this stage in our relationship i have no reason not to be upset because it holds a decent portion of importance right now...
i mean,sure some girls/guys would say some girls would kill to have some one that doesnt prematurely ejaculate, or has no problems getting up,
but for me sex isnt just superficial anymore and this whole thing was getting old... not to mention the new things that had come to light along the way...

Gemini54

It sounds to me like he's not used to having sex with a real woman. If the porn fantasy can get him off, and he's so used to using this fantasy that nothing else will, then he's got problems. (And of course so have you.)

I'd suggest that you should have a frank and honest talk with him. Let him know what's happening for you, and ask him what he thinks might solve it. I guess by talking to him you'll get a sense of his willingness to deal with it, and to join with you in the act of sex rather than having his mind in some fantasy land.

I'd suggest he needs to give the porn a break for a while and focus on connecting with you, a flesh and blood woman.

Also, I wouldn't sulk or give him the silent treatment - just be really straight and tell it how it is. How's he going to understand otherwise?

riotgurl1819

yeah you're right. ive brought it up like a little bit, but he needs it straightforward. im just worried he'll be all "confused", but the point is he knows how im feeling.
ive brought up issues before, and he gets all uncomfortable.
normally, id know what to do, but ive never had an issue like this, so ill give it a try. its just a matter of time and place.
guys run when you say "we need to talk" haha so bring it up before sex? or when the mood strikes?