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My boyfriend of three years is a very avid porn watcher and collector. This has always bothered me and left me feeling inadequate. He has in secret downloaded tons of porn movies off internet web sites and has viewed them in secret. I have automatically always taken offense to this fact. Whenever I have confronted him concerning this matter he never has anything to say. I guess this question is to all the ladies out there. How would you feel if your boyfriend watched porn in secret? Would you yourself assume that he does not find you attractive and needs to find sexual release with images of other women. Yet, if this was the case I don't think our relationship would have lasted this long. This observation of him has made me constantly feel a need to fit his definition and concept of beauty.
From a man: Do you still have a sexual relationship with him? If not, don't worry, maybe you're just that good at sex he doesn't have enough energy to do more, masturbation doesn't take as much effort, why don't you ask him if he prefers to do it with the porn, or with you?
P.S, he obviously loves you or else he wouldn't still be with you, would you?
I know this might sound dumb, but most men love porn like women love shopping. They cant understand why we like shopping, and we cant understand why they like porn. My husband is the same way. It offended me at first, but then I started to realize that there's no reason to get offended. Looking at images of naked women isnt cheating, so there's no reason to get jealous. I know most women cant help but to get a little jealous though What I did is I said if you cant beat em, join em. It is a turn on to guys when women watch porn with them, and its a great way to spice up your sex life a little. It also gives you a chance to spend some time with him doing things he likes, even though you may not like it. My husband loves to play some of the dumbest video games, but I play them with him to show I am interested in things he is interested in, and maybe he'll show some interest in some of my hobbies.
I agree with Nautical. Perhaps your boyfriend would like for you to join in on watching the movies or looking at the images. It might be a little fetish he has that he is embarrassed about, and if you show interest he might loosen up and not keep it a secret. He might also get a thrill of keeping it a secret, because it is taboo. Personally, I've never been threatened or intimidated by porn because they are just images. If your sex life isn't being impacted, you probably have nothing to worry about. Men are very visual and well, they like boobies! It's a very common thing for men to look at porn, and as long as it doesn't impact his daily life or your relationship, it's probably harmless.
That being said, if the idea of porn makes you uncomfortable, then you need to confront him about it and force him to talk to you. You should not stay in a relationship you aren't comfortable with!
My question to you is how is your relationship other then the porn. Does he show you he Loves You. Does he take away from your time together to watch his porn. Does he spend money you don't have on the porn.
Many people Male and Female enjoy porn, its a fantasy world and if used right can make your relationship much more exciting. Im not saying you need to watch it with him all the time but you can play into his fantasy a little and see if it opens new and exciting doors for you both.
hes a guy, masturbation is natural, and some guys find it hard to masturbate from their memory or imagination. if he likes it, then he likes it. you shouldnt take offence to him looking at magazines and stuff, as long as he's not masturbating instead of spending intimate time with you then there shouldnt be a problem. if he didnt love you and find you attractive then why would he be with you? have you ever looked at a guy in the street and thought 'hes attractive'? im sure everyone has, it dosnt mean you dont love him. Maybe he was worried to tell you because he was afraid that you might react like this. if his watching of porn really bothers you then you should talk to him about it, he may tone it down a bit in respect for you, but you shouldnt ask him to stop, some guys have needs and maybe if he didnt masturbate you would be very worn out all the time and you may have a different problem, how much he wants sex! you should respect his opinion of masturbating, its not because he dosnt find you attractive, its just that hes male!
abbi-melissa
How would you feel if your boyfriend watched porn in secret? Would you yourself assume that he does not find you attractive and needs to find sexual release with images of other women.
Better he finds release with images of other women than with other women! LOL.
I would never check my husband's computer for porn, but from occasional remarks of his I gathered that he has looked up free stuff on the Internet. Guess what? So have I! - Do I find it arousing? Absolutely! - Does it mean I'd rather have sex with those guys than my husband? No! - And I assume my husband thinks along the same lines because despite all our differences and difficulties, we're still married and not each of us out looking for greener grass.
I agree with Kattalover... but I also know how it makes a woman feel when their husband or boyfriend looks at porn, you feel like you aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, vocal enough and the list goes on. You feel like if you were enough that they wouldn't look elsewhere. I've come to learn that men are intense sexual beings and the statistics say they think about sex every 20 seconds. That has got to be horribly difficult for men. Cause I know as a woman, if I have sex on my mind I have to have it NOW, haha. Men restrain themselves fairly well if every 20 seconds they are thinking about it and not acting on it. As long as he still wants to have sex with you then don't worry. They are just super horny ALL THE TIME!! It's a difficult and very sensitive subject. Do not wait until your so upset you confront him in anger, just get up the courage to talk to him and ask him why he watches it and tell him that it makes you feel insecure, usually the reassurance you receive makes you feel a whole lot better.
you feel the way you feel and you dont need to apologize.
im a guy. ive seen nude pics, ive seen some porn. ive abstained at times. ive watched at times. sometimes out of curiosity. sometimes out of sexual urge.
the only reassuring thing i can say is guys are visual sexually. a guy can see a gorgous girl on the street and think immediately "i bet shed be fun in bed".... its like a reflex. not right. not wrong. just how we are often wired.
now... what about watching porn. personally, when ive seen nudes or more graphic stuff it has never been "gee i wished my partner looked like her".
its almost a voyeur instinct. im getting to see something and someone im not supposed to. it stirs the imagination.
now i know you feel like this means you cant stir his imagination enough so there must be something lacking. well... not so much. i cant explain it very well other than the voyeur side. it isnt that a man wished you looked like that. its almost like we are wired to seek out many mates. and when we choose to be monogamous, sometimes there are other avenues that can be taken to keep the primal desire at bay while still being monogamous.
now, that said... you can be in whatever relationship you choose to be in. just cause hes interested in porn doesnt mean you need to put up with it. if it bothers you that much, then its your call.
i think your reaction isnt all that abnormal. scour the threads here and youll see other women who have the same frustration.
so... what to do? i think talking is best and if you cannot come to an amicable middle ground, then you need to make a decision.
one partner i had stumbled upon some graphic stuff id run into one night and was upset. she asked do i like this stuff. i told her the truth. i hadnt sought it out, but i stumbled there while looking for other stuff on the same site. and then of couse i went though pages of the graphic stuff...
in the end we never found perfect ground. she was hurt. i felt frustrated. similarly ive seen video of extreme violence. that doesnt mean i want to commit it. ive seen a link and was curious. again, i dont think its necessarily wrong or right.
my point, lost in the rambling, is that despite your feeling inadequate, id bet a bunch of money that he never, ever sought out the porn for a lack of interest in you.
and if you think hes channeling energy into this too much... if you think that its taking away sexual energy
from your relationship or that its draining your mental energy or if you simply dont want a life with a person who is tied to porn, again... how you feel is how you feel and you dont need to make apologies.
From a man: Do you still have a sexual relationship with him? If not, don't worry...
But we do worry...Were not as good as the images on the screen or on the pages.
It makes us (well, some of us) feel unattractive and unwanted...
Quote:
P.S, he obviously loves you or else he wouldn't still be with you, would you?
True...But if something bothers us that bad, shouldn't the man who promised, at one time, to never hurt us, consider our feelings and try to work with us?!?!
I would NEVER do anything that my SO wouldn't like, that would be disrespectful or that I wouldn't want him doing to me. That's just the way it is and the way it should be...For the rest of your lives together! Things shouldn't change just because you've been together for a few years, or 5 or 10...so on and so forth.
Feelings should ALWAYS be taken into consideration.
And he shouldn't have done anything secretly behind your back.
He shouldn't have done anything that would be disrespectful or hurtful to you.
What I did is I said if you cant beat em, join em. It is a turn on to guys when women watch porn with them, and its a great way to spice up your sex life a little. It also gives you a chance to spend some time with him doing things he likes, even though you may not like it. My husband loves to play some of the dumbest video games, but I play them with him to show I am interested in things he is interested in, and maybe he'll show some interest in some of my hobbies. 
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