Boyfriend not interested in sex

smoothy · Aug 20, 2008, 05:14 AM

Breaking up is never easy. And its even harder in certain circumstances. You have to be objective in how you view your situation. Yeah stress and depression WILL take its toll on the libido. But his behaviour before his job loss wasn't right anyway.

0rphan · Aug 20, 2008, 06:49 AM

There is obviously a problem here, you need to talk to each other when your both calm, explain how you feel and ask him how he feels, hopefully he will open up to you.
Tell him if things don't change then you are worried that you may split up, which you don't want to happen.

May be he should talk to his GP if he's depressed and run down or he has another problem that is worrying him.

BetrayalBtCamp · Aug 20, 2008, 08:03 AM

It sounds like you guys have been together a while. It also sounds like you let things build up so when you do finally approach him, your frustration triggers his anger & a vicious cycle repeats itself. He likely if feeling attacked when you try to talk to him. You of course are hurting, so it's hard to get your points across without your anger feedinghis perhaps?How are you approaching him about the lack of affection?

If you haven't tried this, how about asking him to snuggle / cuddle with you. Once you guys are physically close, explain how much you miss getting to do that with him & how much he matters to you. Tell him it's important to you to stay physically connected to him, let him know what you like about making love to him & how it makes you feel unloved when you aren't getting that. Ask him what can be done so he is more in the mood.

Good Luck!

Choux · Aug 20, 2008, 01:06 PM

When you know it isn't right for you, it is easier to move forward in your life. He sounds like a baby...you need more life experience with men, in my opinion.

Remember when you break up, don't be angry or hostile toward him...it's just over.

kp2171 · Aug 21, 2008, 02:44 AM

In his "defense", stress and depression can kill libido. I fought through a bout of depression a few years ago. Id quit my job, another job fell through, I had a newborn, and a bigger home with a bigger mortgage. My libido really crashed.

Well... For a time. And then I worked my way out of it. Its fine to get into a rut.

But... Its not fine to continually find reasons to be neglectful.

So really, there is no defense for his behavior...

At best here... He is interested in you but is letting excuse after excuse get in the way. At worst, you don't have good sexual compatability and/or he likes the mind game of being in control. I'm thinking he's more of the later ilk.

Sure, its sucks to step back from someone and trade that "security" for the unknown... But what is "secure" here? That he's a "nice guy" who isn't on the same page as you. The only secure thing at this point is you get to fret, fuss, and be frustrated. And then he will service you, when he's willing, without affection or desire.

Yuck to that.

Choux · Aug 22, 2008, 10:16 AM

It sounds to me like your relationship and your immaturity are going to drive you to a breakdown. You have to get a grip, girl!

My opinion is that this is not about sex, it is about something else. You are going to have to go talk to a professional about yourself and your relationship. Self-knowledge is the second step to finding happiness in life.

I think you will be alright as soon as you get yourself together.

Curlyben · Aug 22, 2008, 10:19 AM

>Threads Merged as they are about the same subject<

kp2171 · Aug 22, 2008, 10:26 AM

Well if he dreads being alone, he needs to change his behavior.

Feeling guilty because another is hurting when you break it off is normal. Turn that guilt into anger. Be mad all you asked for is attention. Affection. Be mad that all you wanted was an intimate connection.

Tell me I am wrong here... If he had held your hand lovingly... If he had playfully touched you when you flashed him... If he had looked into your eyes and smiled when making love to you... You wouldn't be here today.

If he had touched your skin like a lover, you wouldn't have broken it off.

You cannot save him from himself.

You can do the hard work it takes to demand more for yourself.

Sorry its where you are now. Been there myself. More than once.

Its worth all the noise to get to a better place.

I promise.

PumpkinPie89 · Aug 22, 2008, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choux

It sounds to me like your relationship and your immaturity are going to drive you to a breakdown. You have to get a grip, girl!

My opinion is that this is not about sex, it is about something else. You are going to have to go talk to a professional about yourself and your relationship. Self-knowledge is the second step to finding happiness in life.

I think you will be alright as soon as you get yourself together.

Yeah, thanks, except I'm not immature.

Thanks.

Boyfriend not interested in sex

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