So, first off, I am going to preface this by saying that I have read all the similar posts on the topic, but they all deal with their boyfriends being addicted to porn. I wish my problem was that simple. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 21. When we first started dating about 6 months ago the sex was AMAZING. We did it all the time.

My problem is over the last couple of months my boyfriend has become almost completely un-interested in sex. I don't mind initiating things, in fact I love it, but he never wants to anymore. It's not a physical problem, trust me, that part is just fine, but it's seriously like there is a mental block on him. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I am incredibly open and willing to try just about any new kind of thing when it comes to sex, and I have asked him more than once if there was anything else that I could do, or do differently, and he always replies that it has nothing to do with me, that he just doesn't feel like it. We have had sex once in the past month and that was during the middle of the night when I'm still not sure if it was just an extension of a good dream he was having.

I'm sure that he does look at porn/masturbate, but I don't think that's the problem. I'm not one of those girls who is disgusted by the fact that their boyfriend's masturbate/look at porn... in fact I'd be worried if he didn't do that. But, I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything from throwing him on the bed and practically ripping his clothes off, to dressing up in sexy lingerie, to buying toys (which I love and he always seems skeptical of), to lighting candles and playing soft music. I have put on just about every sexual face that I can think of, and it just comes down to the fact that he doesn't seem to have that drive anymore. We often spend the night together and there will be so many opportunities to have sex (ie: waking up with morning wood, having wrestling fights before bed, laying practically naked next to each other before we fall asleep... etc.) and it's like he doesn't take them, even if I initiate and will do most of the work for him.

All I want is to have my boyfriend back. It's really starting to wear on my self-esteem. I am normally a very confident, educated, self assured young woman, but after being rejected time and time again by my own boyfriend for sex, it's making me feel unattractive, unwanted, and unloved. He says it has nothing to do with me, but I after I have exhausted all remedies and he still is not responding, what else is left for me to think?

So please, if anyone has been in this situation before, or has any advice on how to get him interested in sex again, please, please, let me know. Thanks.

laylow80

I don't want you to take this offensively or anything, but..it sounds to me like there could be a chance theres another girl in his life. I dont know this guy or anything or what hes like im just judging from what you said above. And i know i have to reason to think anything like that and you might hate me for it, but im just saying..

..this is probably really weird to hear..but my mom never wanted to have sex with my dad for the longest time (i know this because she told me, i know it grosses me out) i soon found out she had been having sex with another man for all this time. This is just an example from my life.

I just find it akward for a guy not to want sex especially after all you have done. I mean after all, you are his girlfriend! Does he go off for college or something ..? Is there any chacne he could hang with another girl without you knowing ? I'm not saying thats what this is, im just stating my opinion. What i would do, is try talking to him about it, ask if hes falling for someone else, if hes getting tired of you, what you can do to pleasure him or make him want it, since you've tried everything you can think of...

I hope this helps some.

bcole04

It's possible that this could be the case, but I really don't think so. He's usually pretty open and honest with me, but I mean, you never know what people are hiding. If this is the case, how do I even begin to bring up that kind of subject without sounding like a paranoid psycho-? The last thing I want is for him to think I don't trust him, when really I have all the trust in the world in him. I just want to figure out how to rekindle our sex life. I mean, we are still so young, this shouldn't be a problem I should be dealing with at my age, which is why I need the advice. Thank you for your input though, every little bit helps.

laylow80

If I were suspicious about something like this, I'd say something like..
"I trust in you, I really do, but for the past few months things haven't really been the same when it comes to our sexual life, and im really worried. I know you're going to hate me asking this, and I hate to inquire it myself, but is there someone else in your life? I'd like to know before it gets too far along and you or I get hurt..just be honest with me."
If you find out this isn't the case, and you truly believe him, ask him what has been holding him back for so long.

Don't feel as if you're going about this in the wrong way, because trust me, if he is cheating you will be glad you confronted him about it instead of finding out from someone else and bearing the consequences, which could be very hurtful.

It isn't uncommon for someone to suspect this in their relationship, no matter how long you have been together.

Burd

Has your boyfriend been distant from you??

do you still see him every day?

coz he could be stressed out with college or work? which is pulling his mind off things.

Nosnosna

Talk to him about it. It's possible that he's getting his itch scratched elsewhere, of course, but it's also possible that it's something else... there's no way of knowing unless you talk about it. Let him know how it makes you feel, and that you're worried about him and the relationship.

I would venture a guess that what it comes down to is that something about the relationship has changed (even if only in his mind), and it's not as fulfilling for him as it was before. If that is the case, then you definitely want to get it out in the open as quickly as possible to either address the issue(s) or accept them and move on with your lives... waiting will just add more pain down the line.

bcole04

Thanks for all your input guys. To answer Burd's question, he hasn't been distant in any other part of the relationship. Just the other day we spent the entire afternoon with each other in the town where he grew up (not too far from where we live now). I feel connected to him on every level except for our sex lives. He's finished with school and works a pretty regularly scheduled job so we do get to see each other every day, and most nights we spend the night together too. We both have an amazing balance between life and relationship too (I'm still in school and work part time, and still maintain good relationships with my girlfriends; while he works and hangs out with the guys before I get off work later in the evening). I think I am going to talk to him tonight and figure out what's going on. I love him a lot, and just want to get to the bottom of the problem, as a problem in your sex life is most likely an indicator of a different problem in the relationship.

laylow80

Good luck, and I hope everything goes well. :]

talaniman

Often the first thing to go is the sex when a relationship moves too fast. 6 months is barely getting to know one another, and now you live together from the sound of it. The heat has cooled. Maybe learning how to communicate with each other is the next step in growing to know each other on a more personal level than just sex. Back off and pay attention to him more and notice the things he doesn't say because the two of you are strangers to each other. I'll bet his take on things is very different than yours and his problem has nothing to do with sex at all.

bcole04

Well, we've actually known each other for over a year, but have only been officially dating for about six months. We don't actually live together, but we do spend a couple nights a week together either at my place or his. We did take quite a bit of time to start dating and become intimate, so I'm not sure if that's an issue. I understand that in the beginning the relationship is always extremely passionate and intense, but this has been a gradual drop in sexual interest... and that's more of what my question was about. Thank you for your input, though I'm not sure if you quite got the right impression from my post, but I do appreciate the response.