Boyfriend never wants to have sex anymore!

laylow80 · Jan 29, 2007, 03:03 PM

I don't want you to take this offensively or anything, but..it sounds to me like there could be a chance there's another girl in his life. I don't know this guy or anything or what he's like I'm just judging from what you said above. And I know I have to reason to think anything like that and you might hate me for it, but I'm just saying..

..this is probably really weird to hear..but my mom never wanted to have sex with my dad for the longest time (i know this because she told me, I know it grosses me out) I soon found out she had been having sex with another man for all this time. This is just an example from my life.

I just find it akward for a guy not to want sex especially after all you have done. I mean after all, you are his girlfriend! Does he go off for college or something ..? Is there any chacne he could hang with another girl without you knowing ? I'm not saying that's what this is, I'm just stating my opinion. What I would do, is try talking to him about it, ask if he's falling for someone else, if he's getting tired of you, what you can do to pleasure him or make him want it, since you've tried everything you can think of...

I hope this helps some.

bcole04 · Jan 29, 2007, 03:32 PM

It's possible that this could be the case, but I really don't think so. He's usually pretty open and honest with me, but I mean, you never know what people are hiding. If this is the case, how do I even begin to bring up that kind of subject without sounding like a paranoid psycho-? The last thing I want is for him to think I don't trust him, when really I have all the trust in the world in him. I just want to figure out how to rekindle our sex life. I mean, we are still so young, this shouldn't be a problem I should be dealing with at my age, which is why I need the advice. Thank you for your input though, every little bit helps.

laylow80 · Jan 29, 2007, 03:47 PM

If I were suspicious about something like this, I'd say something like..
"I trust in you, I really do, but for the past few months things haven't really been the same when it comes to our sexual life, and I'm really worried. I know you're going to hate me asking this, and I hate to inquire it myself, but is there someone else in your life? I'd like to know before it gets too far along and you or I get hurt..just be honest with me."
If you find out this isn't the case, and you truly believe him, ask him what has been holding him back for so long.

Don't feel as if you're going about this in the wrong way, because trust me, if he is cheating you will be glad you confronted him about it instead of finding out from someone else and bearing the consequences, which could be very hurtful.

It isn't uncommon for someone to suspect this in their relationship, no matter how long you have been together.

Burd · Jan 29, 2007, 03:53 PM

Has your boyfriend been distant from you?

Do you still see him every day?

Coz he could be stressed out with college or work? Which is pulling his mind off things.

Nosnosna · Jan 29, 2007, 03:57 PM

Talk to him about it. It's possible that he's getting his itch scratched elsewhere, of course, but it's also possible that it's something else... There's no way of knowing unless you talk about it. Let him know how it makes you feel, and that you're worried about him and the relationship.

I would venture a guess that what it comes down to is that something about the relationship has changed (even if only in his mind), and it's not as fulfilling for him as it was before. If that is the case, then you definitely want to get it out in the open as quickly as possible to either address the issue(s) or accept them and move on with your lives... Waiting will just add more pain down the line.

bcole04 · Jan 29, 2007, 04:05 PM

Thanks for all your input guys. To answer Burd's question, he hasn't been distant in any other part of the relationship. Just the other day we spent the entire afternoon with each other in the town where he grew up (not too far from where we live now). I feel connected to him on every level except for our sex lives. He's finished with school and works a pretty regularly scheduled job so we do get to see each other every day, and most nights we spend the night together too. We both have an amazing balance between life and relationship too (I'm still in school and work part time, and still maintain good relationships with my girlfriends; while he works and hangs out with the guys before I get off work later in the evening). I think I am going to talk to him tonight and figure out what's going on. I love him a lot, and just want to get to the bottom of the problem, as a problem in your sex life is most likely an indicator of a different problem in the relationship.

laylow80 · Jan 29, 2007, 04:14 PM

Good luck, and I hope everything goes well. :]

talaniman · Jan 29, 2007, 08:31 PM

Often the first thing to go is the sex when a relationship moves too fast. 6 months is barely getting to know one another, and now you live together from the sound of it. The heat has cooled. Maybe learning how to communicate with each other is the next step in growing to know each other on a more personal level than just sex. Back off and pay attention to him more and notice the things he doesn't say because the two of you are strangers to each other. I'll bet his take on things is very different than yours and his problem has nothing to do with sex at all.

bcole04 · Jan 29, 2007, 10:37 PM

Well, we've actually known each other for over a year, but have only been officially dating for about six months. We don't actually live together, but we do spend a couple nights a week together either at my place or his. We did take quite a bit of time to start dating and become intimate, so I'm not sure if that's an issue. I understand that in the beginning the relationship is always extremely passionate and intense, but this has been a gradual drop in sexual interest... And that's more of what my question was about. Thank you for your input, though I'm not sure if you quite got the right impression from my post, but I do appreciate the response.

Boyfriend never wants to have sex anymore!

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