We've never been crazy in the sack or anything, but for the past year have had a consistent love life. The past few months he's just been getting less and less sexual. In every other aspect though, the relationship is exactly the same. He is sweet, affectionate, takes me on dates, compliments me etc. Whenever I ask him why we have sex so rarely, he says that it's because he has a hard time making me climax (this is true, he doesn't last very long most of the time) and that it's just no fun for him unless he knows I'm equally pleasured. For me though, it's more about an emotional closeness that I feel during, and I told him this, but still, nothing. It's almost like he feels inferior because he doesn't get me off every time. He finds ways of getting out of having sex like saying he's tired, has to get up early, or gets in the middle of an online poker tournament, anything I can't interrupt. Meanwhile I get more and more frustrated and sensitive, feeling unnatractive or undesirable. What can I do or say to get him interested again? Please help!

Sadly, this is why so many women fake it.
All I can suggest is that you find various other ways to tell him that it isn't the orgasms, it's the tenderness and touching. Say 'can we just snuggle' when falling asleep and so on, just little ways of mentioning it over time. You could say that for 10 times of sex, you save up the nice memories of those 10 times for the 11th to have one. Stuff like that. And, of course, let him know that many (most?) women don't climax every time.

Have you considered getting a vibrator of some kind (egg or bullet) to hold on your clitoris while having sex? Or maybe stimulatiing yourself(or he could do it) to climax before intercourse?

Alice, what happened after you kicked him out in December? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ly-536423.html

If the two of you haven't worked through all of the issues that led to you sending him packing, then there is more going on than just him not being able to help you climax.

We've worked out all of those issues, and honestly there are no hard feelings. He actually agreed with me and both of us took the opportunity to air out our feelings, concerns, shortcomings and so forth. The relationship got loads better from there. He does his best to be helpful (though I have taken him off "cleaning duty" because he's just not very good at it) and in almost every aspect we're both very happy. We always tell each other how much we love each other, we help each other with school work and household duties, we cuddle and watch movies, buy each other thoughful little gifts ALL the time, go to dinner parties and have pleasant times with other couples, and even hold each other at night as we fall asleep. The only hiccup in the whole thing is in the bedroom (other than the cuddling). Perhaps JOYPULV is right, maybe not "faking it" is a mistake at his expense, but would much rather be honest about our sex life. I surely don't want him to feel like a sexual failure, but I also don't want to feel like a sex phony. I purchased little vibratory toys like JENNIEPEPSI suggested, but when they make their way into bed, he seems more confused than relieved. I can tell that it offends him cause when I got it he told me "well I guess you won't need me in the bedroom anymore when you've got that thing". I think what I'm really dealing with here is a hurt ego, but he doesn't realize that taking away a woman's sexuality makes her more insecure than he could imagine. I just can't get it off my mind lately. Normally sex isn't a major thought of mine in an average day, but now I just go through my day asking myself "What the heck am I doing wrong? Everyone has sexual problems, and everyone works them out somehow, why not me?!"

Explain to him that its not an ego killer. Its meant to help you both have fun. Put the vibrater up to his scrotum :P he may enjoy it :P

Also, explain to him that you need something too. Maybe he can preform oral sex on you and get you to climax before intercourse?

I'm willing to try it. Involving him more could only help. The only remaining problem is that I can't even get him that far. When kissing (you know that "pre-sex" kissing... ) we start getting into french kissing but as soon as I start getting really into it, he pulls away and usually says something like "I just don't want to get you all aroused just to let you down sweetie". I really need some tips on how, when, where to initiate, because I think maybe I'm just not going about it wrong. I would be glad to put on a slinky outfit to let him know what time it is, but I'm afraid I would get turned down and feel like more of a fool than I already do.

Alice, I am glad you have worked through the issues in your past thread. :)

Communicate with him. Ask him if it is really about you climaxing or if there are other issues as well that are causing him problems. You can't work through problems that you don't know are there.

Joy isn't saying that you should 'fake' orgasms. She is saying that is why a lot of women do.

We believe in being truthful about sex with our partners, too.

So, sit him down in front of the computer and bring up AMHD (this website) and do a search for women and orgasm. It can open his eyes. You are nowhere near alone in needing different stimulation than you get from intercourse.

I will take it that you can bring yourself to climax through masturbation? If you can find what works for you, it will help a lot in explaining it to him.

Make certain that your mind is aroused. Find what really turns you on and, if he is open to it, share fantasies with him. If your brain is engaged, it will make it easier for your body to follow.

Bring play into the 'bedroom'. The only part of sex that has to be serious is making certain that you correctly use the of birth control you prefer.

Look at toys together. If he is uncomfortable with phallic-shaped vibrators, maybe penis rings and such might appeal to him more. They stimulate you and help him last longer if that is a concern he has.

It is also something that men as a whole need to wrap their mind around. We are taught to be giving and since we know that it is easy to get us off it is almost required that we spend the majority of the time getting the woman off.

It quickly becomes the goal and obsession. Not taking into account the journey of getting there. My current girlfriend and I were talking about this last night and she had bluntly said that most of the pleasure comes from the foreplay for her. If we do things right then the actual penetration is good for her, but otherwise... it is just sort of Meh.

I don't know where I am going with this but what I want to say is that he needs to adjust his ego and pride to understand that he might get off and you might not and that is fine.

Have you just sat down and had a conversation about this?

If it is not something you can easily do then it should be
A priority to try to get where you can discuss any issue with your partner.

Too many people too often think they can "tell" or "feel" what is going
On with the other partner. In some cases this is true to an extent, but without
Good communication it amounts to guesswork that can be damaging and destructive

You might try sitting down with a bottle of good wine and the intent to
Discuss what you can do to make each other happier.
Ask outright such things as "what can I do that will rock you?" And what
Are the things I do that you like the most?

A good solid basis of honesty and communication is the key to long
And happy relationships.
When each partner gets their information "from the horses mouth"
It builds confidence and more of a relaxed attitude that can greatly
Enhance performance.

As on the flip side, stress and concern are mood and erection killers.
The ups and downs of daily survival can at times be stressful enough
To kill or reduce the libido .

One of the most productive ways of helping a relationship is to get
Counselling , which is also the path of considerable reluctance or
Refusal to participate , of which I was a charter member.

Yet when I went , ready to hate it and sure it wouldn't do a thing,
I found it to be a great help and was for a while looking forward
To the sessions because I could recognize the good they were doing.

One more thing you may find helpful would be to call the Doc and get
A checkup.
That is something that can bring to light body malfunctions , aches
And pains , and many other things that can contribute to problems.

I read your previous post about the issues you both had where he wasn't paying you any rent and acting entitled to you taking care of him in that way. I know you said that you both worked out those issues, but he may still be holding on to those issues on a conscious or subconscious level, and placing the blame on you for his not wanting to have sex seems like he is punishing you in a way for it, I may be wrong, but it's also something you should look into. Him making comments like "I just don't want to get you all aroused just to let you down sweetie" could also be passive-aggressive, and he may be withholding sex just to get back at you. As I said, I may be wrong, because I don't know the tone he uses when telling you that, or how your relationship is in general, but it's worth looking into as a possibility.

This thread is a year and a half dead. They'll never read this. Chances are it has been resolves one way or another.

Please look at the dates of the threads you're responding too. Anything older than a couple weeks is probably done.