My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me at all anymore. I am very sexual, and I am soooooo into him. I'm in my early twenties, he's about a decade older than me. We've been & lived together for a while. Even when we did have sex, he was always uncomfortable with it. He has some personal issues and admits to that. He does love me. But when he tells me he's still attracted to me, I don't believe him. I feel guilty that I want to break up only because of sex. Is 3 months long enough for me to give up? He wants me to be patient but he isn't doing much to change things. I don't think I can do this anymore, but I do love him. I'm constantly turned on, with always huge sexual tension. I'm so into him and so frustrated. I feel ashamed that my libido is so out of control... I've tried talking, it ends into a fight. He's currently seeing a therapist, but it's not doing much. I've tried a few things to spice things up, but he ignores me. It's just a big taboo at this point. I'm willing to do what it takes, but I feel like I'm going nuts, and I honestly don't think he'll ever "fix" his desire for me. How long should I go without having sex? Please help - any advice is welcome. Thx!

Well, I'll start with a story. About 2 years ago when me and my husband moved to Indiana... we barely had any money. Sometimes we couldn't eat because we didn't have to money to buy food. So needless to say, we couldn't afford any form of protection. Well, we just cut the sex out, period. If we can't afford to eat then why should one moment of passion bring a helpless baby into our very poor world? It was a joint decision and it lasted for about 3 months.

In your case, he is older than you and I'm guess you two live together. I'm not sure though. Does he work a lot of hours? Is he stressed? Does he take certain medications like for depression or anxiety? Can you get pregnant?

Personally I'd be going nuts in a week much less three months. I think he has some issues that need resolved before you make commitments to him.

The reason you date people is so that you can find a man who will be a suitable partner for life. This man is too old for you, and he has serious personal problems. We all learn from our experiences with others, failed relationships are a learning experience... nothing more. Never play a blame game... life is a learning game.

Time to move on... find a new boyfriend.

Neither patience nor marriage will correct sexual incompatibility. He is a great guy, but not the one for you. Three months without can/may skew romantic thoughts toward a partner. I get weird in an angry way. He can remain a good friend. You would do well to look for a guy who's sex drive is more like your own.

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Originally Posted by hollylovesbrandon

well, i'll start out with a story. About 2 years ago when me and my husband moved to indiana...we barely had any money. sometimes we couldn't eat because we didn't have to money to buy food. So needless to say, we couldn't afford any form of protection. Well, we just cut the sex out, period. If we can't afford to eat then why should one moment of passion bring a helpless baby into our very poor world? It was a joint decision and it lasted for about 3 months.

in your case, he is older than you and i'm guess you two live together. i'm not sure though. Does he work a lot of hours? is he stressed? does he take certain medications like for depression or anxiety? can you get pregnant?

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He is stressed with work, and he does have a lot of family issues. He definitely has issues that need to be resolved. I just don't know how long it'll take him, or if it'll ever get better. So I don't know if I should be with him anymore. Although we're already very committed to each other. I don't know if it's shallow on my part, or realistic to say he'll never want me the way I want him...
Thx for everyone's help!

I see this maybe a problem for you, but say you weren't with your man and you were single, you would still be sexually frustrated, so to relieve your desires I would say support your boyfriend through his issues, and deal with your frustrations on your own whether it be toys or masturbation, until your partner gets through his problems. If you love him you wouldn't leave him you would work through your problems, good luck

Firstly, I don't believe the age difference is relevant. Some of the most stable and functional couples I know have more than a decade in age difference. I suspect it is true that women mature faster than men... OK, I know it is true, in general. Having said that, I think a relationship is about giving things to one's partner that one's partner needs. It could be said the other way, "It's about getting something from your partner," but for individuals truly interested in making relationships work, it ought to be more about giving than getting.

Things needed are: security, care, sex, support, appreciation, standard of living, fun, humor, understanding, family, children, and a myriad of lesser things.

In an ideal relationship a partner looks for what the other needs and tries to provide it. In this case if you are comfortable that you are giving him what he needs (understanding, support, etc.), you need to have a conversation without fighting about what you need and how the two of you can work toward providing it for you. Also included in this conversation is anything you could be providing in support for him that you might have been ignorant of, or just missed.

If you can't have this conversation, it is time to split. You aren't married and no children are involved. Time wasted in this relationship is time lost establishing a new one. In business there is a concept called "sunk cost". It is money that a company has already invested in an idea. If the company discovers that the idea has no merit, money invested in it to this point is a sunk cost. Decisions about the future must not consider this money because it cannot be recovered.

The best thing to do when you discover that you are riding a dead horse is to get off it.

I dated a great girl a dozen years ago. We didn't live together, having dated for just a few months. We matched up well in so many areas. Sex didn't include intercourse. It wasn't out of a lack of desire, but we both had emotional baggage from previous huge crash-and-burn breakups.

It was mental bad timing, not about sex. I honestly think if wed met a few years later, wed have been inseparable and probably married. Now she's a friend, chasing cowboys in tx, and I'm married to a wonderful woman. Bad timing. It happens.

It isn't cruel to consider sexual compatibility and whether you can slug your way through this. It isn't wrong to leave or stay.

I'm all for giving what seems like a solid relationship (when it is solid) a chance. Relationships take work. But if you stay, I think you need to give yourself some timelines. If he doesn't seem to be getting better in "x" amount of time, its time to back away. Maybe that amount of time has already passed.

Sex doesn't get easier because you get married. There are unique stresses that can make it even harder after a time. It takes work and comittment and a deliberate effort and enthusiasm to make it work. And when kids come into the picture, it gets even harder. I love being married and a daddy... and I'm willing to do what it takes to remain a lover. But it takes attention, as I've said.

So... I tend to agree with most... if you are that far off and his wounds run that deep, it might not be a good fit for you or for him. Maybe he needs to be with someone less interested in sex, or alone until he figures things out. Maybe you need much more than what you are getting. Bad match.

Your relationship is still pretty young. You haven't been with him for 3 years, right? So... you can stay a little longer if you want to see if things change, but you shouldn't feel bad about stepping back now. Seems like he needs to solve some issues BEFORE he gets into another relationship.

You aren't responsible for his baggage, and it isn't cruel to say the compatibility isn't there. And lack of sex here is the symptom, but the cause is emotional issues of the past.

It seems you both have issues, that neither can help the other with. If there is no communication, and a willingness to work together to solve your problems, there can be no relationship. Get to the roots of the issues, or go your separate ways. Why torture yourselves?

3 months is a long time... and I think You just either need to find out what the problem is or look for a guy who's sex drive is more like yours

I am going through the same thing and I want to know how long too!!

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Originally Posted by anniecook17

I am going through the same thing and I want to know how long too!!!

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This is an old post, and has been closed. Can I invite you to posting your own question??