My boyfriend and I don't have sex anymore

Clough · Oct 19, 2007, 11:22 PM

Have you suggested the idea about both of you getting some counselling together? What have you said to him about what he is doing? It would help people to know what you have said to him in order to give you the best advice that anyone here can.

I wasn't alive at the time that my mother's mom straight up told my grandfather, to give up the drinking or they would no longer be together! But, I heard about it.

I'm just suggesting that maybe some kind of ultimatum is in order here. I hate to see you go through this situation feeling that your relationship is not the best that it could be.

statictable · Oct 21, 2007, 06:34 PM

Leave. He needs help and won't go for that as long as your willing to be with him. Why should he? He has the best of what he wants and will not compromise that in order to improve your relationship. We call these guys lazy; fun isn't it.

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · Oct 21, 2007, 06:52 PM

Have you asked him why you don't have sex anymore?

sarvolzaba · Oct 22, 2007, 08:38 AM

Yes I have. Well I have brought it up anyhow. He had told me that he would start paying more attention to me. He also told me that sex isn't that important to him. I love him but I am also clueless.

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · Oct 22, 2007, 09:51 AM

Well, to some guys (not many) sex really isn't that big of a deal. But if everything else in the relationship is great I wouldn't worry that much, just let him know that sex IS important to you, and you would like to do so more often.

sarvolzaba · Oct 23, 2007, 06:31 AM

The only problem is he is looking at porn online and talks dirty with the other guys online. When we first were together and when we first got back together it was 2-3 times a day. I am really starting to feel like I am being used for other things and he things that I won't break up with him at this point.

sarvolzaba · Oct 30, 2007, 04:30 AM

UPDATE

Well, we almost broke up the other day about us having a lack of communication. I told him what bothers me again and we promised to try to work on it. One thing I failed to mention in the first place is that he is addicted to online games. I used to initiate sex but eventually he would say things like his shoulder hurt or his knee hurt or he was tired so I quit trying. I would come over and start rubbing his back and he would say my shoulder hurts. He started turning me down even before I had a chance to go there. Keep in mind, he is always online at home. In fact, after we almost broke up and I told him again that I don't like it when he plays his online game all the time, he played 2 days strait, the first two days off after we had the huge fight. Then when I sit on the couch and I get in a bad mood and stop talking to him, he asks me why I am in a bad mood again. HE KNOWS WHY I AM IN A BAD MOOD! I work 5 12 hour shifts a week and then I get ignored my days off. Am I fooling myself with hoping this will get better and we will work out? Every man I have talked to says that him not wanting to have sex isn't normal. The other men I talk to say they want it pretty often. I am getting depressed thinking that he thinks I am boring or bad in bed. It is really starting to effect my mood all together. Any new advice would be greatly appreciated, especially a mans point of view.

jibsguy · Oct 31, 2007, 09:05 AM

When you were having sex more often, or in your first relationship, did you ever complain about it? (Frequency, painful, him "only caring about sex", etc.)

I have been in a relationship for 4 years now with my girlfriend and lived with her for the last 2 years. She is someone who is comfortable having sex once or twice a week while I prefer twice a day or more. Obviously this becomes annoying for her and I hear a few complaints about it and in turn feel pretty guilty and even angry (more so at myself than her). This is usually the reason I would refuse sex from her for long periods of time. (never actually made it a month or anything but long for me)

After reading your complaint I read a few other similar ones and most of the girls seemed to respond the same way to their boyfriends not wanting sex, by doing everything they can to get their attention. From the first paragraph its pretty clear I refuse sex for attention and from personal experience this is so much easier when you receive that attention. Nothing makes it more difficult to refuse sex than to not get offered sex. I'm not saying ignore him sexually completely but give him less opportunities to turn you down and its much more difficult to do so.

I don't know if this is what he, or anyone besides myself, is doing but if it were me this would probably be the case. Hope this helps some and that my girlfriend doesn't read this, if she did I'd never succeed in getting her to throw herself at me again.

kayleigh1989 · Nov 28, 2007, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarvolzaba

I am on my second relationship with my boyfriend and we have been back together 5 months. For the last 2 months we have not been intimate but maybe once. It came on all of a sudden and not sure as to why. He looks at porn on the computer but says he is reading jokes, not looking at the porn itself. He doesn't even seem to have any time for me. All he seems to want to do is play his online game. On the other hand though he is doing more to bring in more money into the house and doing other things as well. Talks about how things aren't just me anymore, it is us now. I'm not sure what is going on with him and I was trying to figure he wants to be in this relationship or not. I have talked to him about this and there has been no change. Anyone have any ideas?

Well it sounds like his computer freak he should spend more time with you not his computer its not a gd relationship if you are not spendin time.but I hope it all goes well for you

My boyfriend and I don't have sex anymore

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