I am 22, my boyfriend is 27. We have been best mates for a couple of years and in February this year got together, we moved in quite in about May time. When we weren't together we were having sex quite a lot, but when we got together it all kind of stopped. Throughout the summer it started getting better and we would have sex a few times a week, which was fine. But now he doesn't want to have sex with me at all, again! We haven't had sex for over 2 weeks now, and every time I try anything he tells me to leave him alone. He has lost a lot of confidence in himself, and we have talked about the sex thing quite a bit. He says that he does fancy me still, but he doesn't like himself at the moment, so doesn't feel comfortable in himself. Which I thought was fair enough, I try and build his confidence and tell him how much I love and fancy him, but he doesn't care. But now I realise that there is loads more porn on his computer, that he has been downloading and I can only assume watching. This makes me sad to think that maybe he prefers to get himself off by watching porn than being with me. Can anyone let me know what they think about it. I would be very interested to see what guys think.

Thanks

Porn addiction has ruined more than one relationship. Have you talked to him about viewing the porn and how that makes you feel? He told you he does not have much confidence in himself right now - did he say why he feels that way? Watching porn, I would think, tends to give a person an exaggerated sense of sexuality - who can match the performances of some of those actors? Who can fulfill, in reality, what is portrayed in porn?

About the lack of sex - my (now ex) went through a period of loss of interest (not related to porn) in sex and this went on for over two months. He said he loved me but just not interested, always tired or something. I finally got him to see his doctor and it was found he had depression - the chemical synapse in his brain was not functioning as it had. He went on an anti-depressive medication and life became better for him. Turned out that all of his family suffered the same thing, that is manifested itself when they were in their early 30's. Eight children and they all have that depression and many of their own children do also. So for them, it was something genetic.

Can you get your boyfriend to see a doctor for a physical? Just to rule out any reasons for his lack of sexual interest. If there is nothing physical going on, then suggest couples counseling. If that does not work, then pull back. Even to move out and start over from square one.

Best of luck!

I lived with my boyfriend for a year we moved in quickly and I went off sex with him if I'm honest but it was because I was attracted to another person also having sex with them now I'm not saying this the case for you but maybe you you should look at that rather than put yourself down and to be honest when you move in with someone you tend to take each other for granted why don't you go out get some sexy underwear cook a nice meal surprise him spice things up see if that helps I'm sure its just he is taking you for granted!

I am having a similar problem. I had a baby 3 months ago and since then my partner has taken little or no interest in me. I feel fat frumpy and ugly and recently I found he had been looking at lots of porn on his PC. I got upset, cried a bit and asked him about it. I told him I could understand it if he was interested in having sex with me- but I got the usual "im tired" etc stuff.

I explained I felt ugly compared to the women he was oggling, he said that's their job to look pretty, which made me feel so awful about myself. Men can be so inconsiderate. He says every bloke he knows do it - but is that the sort of bloke I want? He never says I look nice and complains I wear black all the time. Ive said I do this because it is supposed to be slimming. I have started to go to the gym but feel it's a waste of time and he is still not interested in me.

Ever since we moved in together the sweet notes, little cards and presents stopped. He thinks it's a waste of money and that's only something people first going out do? I want that sort of thing, romance, love, him to tell me he loves me every now and then and make me feel special. Every time I mention anything we have a huge row.

Any ideas how to get him to appreciate me?

Some guys want what they can't have... hence the porn. He might not be attracted to you at the moment. He may feel that you aren't a challenge anymore. Whatever the case, you aren't going to win him back with force. Find out what type of porn he's into. As long as it's not gay or multiple partner stuff, try to be the live version of what he's watching. Or just buy yourself some competition for him from the local adult bookstore. If you don't "need" him anymore, he'll be interested again. The hunter hasn't fully evolved out of us guys. Sad, but true.

The problem is no longer you ...it is him...he has a need for the freaky and hot and exotic...it had become not easy for him to recognize what is real ...he actually believes the women in most of these porn enjoy the freak about sex...in some cases this is not true...the people on the video are entertainers and he is confused ...it is time for you to suggest he get some help...if he thinks ...he is ok...then it is time for you to make a decision...you either leave or learn to live a lie...

Do something, anything to interest him in you again. Find out what he likes, then unless you object, make it happen. Don't be afraid to ask him what excites him.

Hello fairy:

You're 22?? He's 27?? There's a book out there you should read. It's called: "He's just not that into you."

excon

Don't be so quick to judge based on age, excon. Emotions are not based on demographics. I agree that this couple has issues, but if you were to tell my wife (13 years my junior) that I just wasn't that into her because of my age, you and I would be having words. She's my soulmate... she just looks a lot younger than I do.

Hello kyop:

I wasn't talking about the age difference. I was talking about the sex difference. When I was 27, I jumped my wife 2, maybe 3 times a day. If he, at 27, doesn't want her AT ALL, then he's not into her. Young lovers at 27 and 22 shouldn't have time to come up for air!

excon

Here's a long shot in the dark, but... what type of porn is he watching? Pay close attention to the content as far as 1) are they dominently women? 2) are they dominatly men? 3) same sex porn? At his age, it's not uncommon for younger men to "experiement" with their sexuality.

Just dump it sweetheart guys are usually into sex if they just do not do it like as much as from the beginning that means they are cheating around I'm a man and I have seen many friends who is like that.. They tell they are ing around that is why they even do not need their wife's g/fs... Sure they are all an idoit and they never relaize it at that time

Hi Fairy, I'm sorry that life's been a rough trot for you lately. I have to agree with heartbeauty here. The first warning sign that your man is cheating is when he goes off you. I know this from personal experience. It is either that or he is completely encapsulated by his porn, perhaps stuck in some sort of fantasy world with that.

Just listen to your gut instincs and see what they tell you, 9 times out of 10 they are right.

Hope things become clearer and you feel better soon.

Omg... I totally left an answer... I went on for ages and I accidentally lost it! But I basically agree with the last guy... try to do what excites him... yeah he's right... buy something from ann summers... watch porn with him... read him sexy erotica... yeah do what he desires... and of course explore your desires too... men love to get off on the woman's pleasure... show him what excites you too... but give him some space first... coz he seems to be in his CAVE right now... he needs to do MAN things... but him watching porn is fine... they all do it.. theyre obsessed... Im qute kinky so I love watching porn too... but it is easy to get a bit obsessed... because biologically,after you orgasm,, you're body desires the need to orgasm more... so you then want more porn etc etc... and it its easier than sex because you don't have to please anyone you see... and he may feel for you on a deeper level also... so its intimacy he wants to give but just doesn't know how...
Older guys know... but he's only 27... im 39 u see so 27 is young... but give him some spce to do MANLY things even if its porn.. show to him you're OK with the porn.. coz men love that... or hell just hide it from you and find other ways... let him talk about what he's seen in porn... men like that too... tell him about what turns you on the most... but def try erotica... I write erotica you see so of course I would say that!! But honestly I think relationships break down because women a re too prudish about sex... but deep down everyone likes it... we are just maybe to shy to admit it... and through erotica... we can live out our many fantasies... they are many erotic websites... or buy books from ann summers... like I said read one to him about a mans ultimate fantasy... hell love that! But they have elements of romance too... so you would like it... I mean nowadays it seems all men like kinky women... so they pressure is on girls!! A lot say they're not like that but they are really... they are just shy...
But my website is www.eroticbelle.com if you want to check it... im not advertising... I just feel its slightly diff from porn as there are so many categories and porn can be a bit 'male' orientated sometimes... whereas there's lots of diff erotic stories out there suitable to you... and it helps couples... def... and its def fun to write! But still give him space.like I said first.and you go do girly things too... like go gym etc do a hobby... dont over do it and go our clubbing etc... or if you do don't chat about it much... he may just think you're moving on or think he can go do the same...
Just show you're working on yourself a bit... so focus on work... college etc... it takes yr mind off things too!! And def read erotica!! Lol hope it helps though.. my initial response was better but I accidentally lost it all... so hope you find this helpful... I was in relationship for 8 yrs too and found that trying to get a man to open up when they just Won't doesn't help either... give it time and they open up naturally...