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My boyfriend and i have been togther for 10 years. We used to have a great sex life. I am very adventerous in the bedroom and he seemed to love it. His imagination isn't as open as mine, but we always had great sex. For the past 4 or 5 months our sex life has just died. Even though we have had sex, I haven't had an orgasm in that entire time. He can't manage to last long enough or even get hard at times. If I decide to help him have an orgasm by performing oral sex or just a simple hand job he is able to stay hard the entire time. I just don't get it. What's going on here?
You need to discuss this subject with him. Have he been stressed or having a medical problem? Sit him down and let him know what your feelings so the two of you can comw up with a solution.
I have sat with him and talked about this. He tells me he doesn't understand whats going on and he'll make a doctors appointment but that hasn't happened yet. I also told him, "Let's try and reframe from sex until we know what going on with him", but he still wants to have sex or at least have an orgasm. I wake up all the time to find him inside of me while i'm sleeping and as long as i act as if i'm still asleep his erection will last long enough for an orgasm. I just don't get it! It just seems so selfish. My mind is beginning to wonder.
Wow! It seems like he only can go or last if you are sleeping. How long this been going on? In the meantime get some toys. This is almost similar to necrophilia behavior. I would be very concern.
I have sat with him and talked about this. He tells me he doesn't understand whats going on and he'll make a doctors appointment but that hasn't happened yet. I also told him, "Let's try and reframe from sex until we know what going on with him", but he still wants to have sex or at least have an orgasm. I wake up all the time to find him inside of me while i'm sleeping and as long as i act as if i'm still asleep his erection will last long enough for an orgasm. I just don't get it! It just seems so selfish. My mind is beginning to wonder.
This REALLY disturbs me. Having sex with you when you are not conscious or consenting is RAPE, regardless how he sees it.
You NEED to get him to a counselor, and the next time he starts something like that, make SURE you stop him from just taking his own orgasm without giving you one in return.
Eeeew. He has sex with you when you're asleep and can't come if you're awake and participating? How does he think that's OK??
What has happened in the past 4 or 5 months that might have created this situation? - relationships just don't go from great sex to bad sex overnight without a good reason.
Next time it happens I would ask him to stop. This isn't just a matter of who has an orgasm or not, this is much more serious.
You've been together 10 years - time to speak with a counselor and dig out what's happening with you both.
There are some sexual problems ( I will call them problems since they go too far in my opinion) where guys only get turned on by the other partner if they appera "dead" or not moving.
To others it is a idea of "rape" does he like to play rape or bondage ??
but as for as gettig you off, I would hope he was getting you off a few times before actually intercourse even started ( since it is harder to achieve during actual intercourse)
There are toys, use of hands and other ways for him to pleasure you that wouuld be great fore play.
I really hope Synnen is right and this man is just playing out some rape scenario, because that will be simpler to overcome. Definitely stop him next time he tries, and EVERY time he tries until he gets a full physical and psychological workup.
Any way this works out, this is serious. Start working on it now, before more harm is done.
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