hi..
not sure why im on here, im not sure any good will come of it but i guess i just need to put it out there cuz its been eating me alive recently.
ive been seeing my girlfriend for just over 3 years now, bout 3 and a half.
we started seeing each other in the first year of university. it was a long distance relationship and it was a real struggle to get through as we missed each other so much.
When we did see each other, usually every other weekend of so, it was crazy, we had sex all the time, it was fantastic, every night, every morning, in the afternoon, so much that sometimes it was just too much, but it was so great you would do it anyway.
this went on for about 6 months. until she dropped out of university to try and get into a university back where we both lived (we were both over in UK mainland at this stage and she went back to ireland) anyway, that left me back in england. so long story short i come home for easter we are completely in love by this stage, and have a holiday booked in the summer.
the sex dries up somewhat back in ireland, she puts it down to the fact that she doesn't want any parents hearing us having sex, but we still did it. as often as we could. any spare time and we were getting at it whilst possible with no one around.
holiday came and went and the sex was great there too..
back to uni the following year i go and leave her at home. long distance again but we make it work sex is good when we saw each other. uni ends and i take a placement back home to be with her for a year. this is where it goes pear shaped.
she doesn't want to have sex just as much, but it was all very sudden. we went from having sex say about 4/5 times a week to once a week. then once every two weeks. then once every 3 weeks, now its moved onto just on special occasions, like birthdays, valentines day. now, let me just emphasize that this was at this point, 2 years to the month ago now.
right now, i havn't had sex for 42 days and counting and this isn't unusual. we've had plenty of chances when no one has been around. plenty of nights when no one else has been in the house. (live with parents :/) and yes 42 days ago was valentines day, so if it wasn't for valentines day sex wouldn't have been had since before xmas!
and when we do have sex, she wants it over with as soon as she possibly can. she will stop me going down on her, completely skip any foreplay. because we have it so little she is very sensitive when we do and can handle nothing more than missionary, which completely destroys the mood as i try and maybe spice things up a bit and she disagrees. so it just feels like she is doing it because she has realized we haven't had sex in so long and that she needs to keep me happy. but i would rather not have sex at all than have it with her when she doesn't want to.
she assures me she loves me, she tells me shes still attracted to me, i think she is the sexiest person i know, i get completely turned on at even the thought of her. i love her to pieces i know she loves me, but honestly i feel more like a brother to her recently.
in the past month ive noticed a change in her. maybe im only just picking up on it now, but i feel like im just annoying her sometimes, i try to get a kiss from her but i can't even get that without her worrying about her makeup or making her miss something on the tv or i dont know. just an excuse of some sort. and when i do get one its a peck on the lips. nothing more.
i can no longer touch her, she squirms when i do. i tickle her, there is a surface area of about 15cm squared that i have to touch. and its located on her back.
when we are in bed i dont know what to do anymore, it used to just come naturally, we would face each other for a chat, hold each other close. kiss, and one thing would lead to another. not any more, she immediately has her back to me in bed. and like i said i have her back / neck and outsides of her legs to accomplish something as i just tickle her otherwise, and 9.99999 times out of 10 she will evade my attempts to turn her on with a stealthy body movement to block off what ive been doing. add that on top of the usual, ive got a headache or i dont feel well and im so tired right before getting into bed. or she'll even add an obvious snore into the mix, to make me feel like im making my advances on an already asleep girlfriend.
we've had maybe 2 fights since day one and in both of those fights we have told each other what has been bothering us. for her she mentioned once that we dont do anything, which to be fair we didn't for a month or two, but i immediately rectified that, i buy her trips to london, take her out for dinner all the time, try to suggest places to go and so does she. but both times i have told her that i need more sex in our relationship. and that going for the length of time that we do without it is killing me, but to this day nothing has changed.
she came off her pill for one month, went back on another one the next month. and that is the sum total of her attempts to regain her libido.
i just feel like she doesn't care that i need sex, that she doesn't care whether we have it or not. in fact i would go so far as to say if i didn't ever try to have sex with her, we would never have sex again. and i mean that.
as a result my self confidence is non existant, for two years ive tried making all different approaches on her at nights, and i get cut down pretty much everytime i do.
the trips we go on to london etc. staying in hotels, maybe we have sex, maybe not.
on our last holiday to thailand, we had sex once in two weeks.. in the middle of paradise.
im depressed, i feel unattractive, i feel completely useless, i cry randomly sometimes about it when i get so unhappy, she doesn't know, she doesn't pick up on it, i like to think she doesn't anyway, but in some way i think she maybe does, but doesn't want to say anything, as its only going to lead to an argument. which by the way im useless at, when it comes to arguments face to face, i have no words.
this is an extremely long description about the whole thing and im sure im leaving a lot out too, but long story short, she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, i can't deal with it any longer and im just going insane, im seriously considering going to the docs to maybe even try some anti depressants. cuz i love her so much i just can't leave her, i can't. but i need to do something.
help
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