I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 16. She initiated the relationship after several months of getting to understand and know each other. Because I was able to open up to her more than any other person I've met, and she pratically knows everything about me, I fell in love with her. I am yes a pervert, but I know how to hold back as I'm still a virgin (according to her so is she, not that it matters to me). She wants to have sex with me and being a perv I want it too. I won't take undue advantage of her, because I don't want to hurt her. She knows her own mind, and before meeting her I would never have even considered a relationship with someone who is only four years younger than I am. Neither of us like the idea to having to wait till we get married (and because we talk ceaselessly, we've thought about it for some time now) cause who knows how long that'll take. We're both willing to handle the physical consquences and if she has a kid, I'll stay by her. I just want to know if and why it's so bad for a twenty year old to love a girl only four years younger. In the long term (I like to plan ahead in many cases) four years isn't all that much difference.

templelane

Same happened to a friend of mine - she was the 16 year old girl - he was 22. Never approved but they are still going strong six years on. I would say though she was very mature for her years and he was (how do I say this) not immature but a little stunted. I don't mean that in a bad way - he just lived with his parents still and didn't get out much - pretty geeky. He thought she was 18 and she thought he was 20, it wasn't until they had already started going out they realised.

So I don't beleive it is as clear cut as people like to make out. Although don't be surprised if you get loads of hassle or you realise how much of her is still a child. You do a lot of growing up in those few years.

Personally I would say respect her and hold off on the physical side of the relationship for a few years - if you love her like you say you do.

edit - the age of consent is 16 in my country, so I didn't consider legal ramafications

Marbur

It's hard though considering that I'm a perv. I'll do what I can there. I'm still a bit unsatisfied, but maybe its just because it isn't what I wanted to hear. Thanks, hopefully others will try to help too. At least she can still help keep me sane, (she's the flightier one, and I tend to bash myself [mentally] often). I hate age gaps. I agree, she may still have some growing to do, cause I know for sure that I do.

Synnen

I'm going to HIGHLY advise against a physical relationship with this girl. Right now, she isn't LEGAL for you to have a sexual relationship with.

If you love her the way you say you do, then waiting will NOT be that difficult.

margarita_momma

I dated a guy that was 24 when I was 17. The only problem with dating someone that is still in their teens is the maturity level like templelane said. He was already finishing college and I had not finished high school. If you find that the girl is mature for her age and you are in love with her, I see nothing wrong with it. A lot of people on here will probably tell you that she is jail bait and to stay away, but I believe if you truly love someone to just go with the flow. Don't worry about what other people say. Age really has no boundaries when it comes to love unless they are still a child. Then it is just wrong. I know when I was 16, I was perfectly capable of knowing what love was and who I wanted to be with. I have known a lot of girls that met their now husbands when they were in their teens and they are still together. Just go with what you feel is right.

Marbur

I'm not asking legally why this is wrong. I did know that it is considered staturatory rape, but... ah nevermind, this is only gonna get me in trouble. Just look, I'd like a better reason as to why this is wrong than that Synnen, I don't really care for the IT'S THE LAW statements, though I don't like pissing people off. If you have something that makes more sense, then please do say it. I'll hold off, as much as I can, I'm only human, and despite all things, humans, especially perverted ones, make perverse mistakes. I won't force anything onto her that she didn't directly want in the first place, and it may be a while before I have the opprotunity to anyways. Thanks for sorta answering though.

J_9

I will have to go along with Synn on this one. Age of consent for you is 18. She is two years shy of that.

There is a police officer where I live that is going through a good bit of trouble. You see, he thought she was "of age" (supposedly), it was consentual, she got pregnant. Although they are to be married this month, he lost his job and the DA is attempting to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.

You just never know what COULD happen.

Marbur

Gee, didn't expect that. I was expecting more hatred than anything. --- Just go with the flow? Gee, that'd get me in a lot of trouble not just with the law, but with myself, and her. Well, I'm a bit more cautious than that, gah, not really sure how to respond to that one magarita.

Synnen

Well...the legal side of it is there for a REASON.

No matter how mature a 16 year old girl is, she's still a 16 year old girl. She can know her mind, and know what she loves, but she doesn't know much about real life yet, and how love, while really the most important thing in a relationship, can be starved when life sets in with realities.

I was a very mature 16 year old too, but thank GOD I didn't marry the guy I was dating and in love with then! My life would have been MISERABLE, because it takes being partners for a marriage to work, and right now, the two of you really can't be equal partners. She has school to finish, you have a job to go to. She has her prom to look forward to, you have turning and drinking legally to look forward to.

This is NOT to say it can't work. It will just be hard enough without complicating the whole thing with a sexual relationship on top of things.

J_9

One question I have not seen here....

What do her parents think of you?