If sex was safe and a one time attempt to cross the sociological "virgin" barrier; with a sex worker, [being an older virgin who,through media and peer pressure, just had to get it out of the way due to overwhelming shame],at what point do I reveal this seemingly shameful act? unless we are close to "bonding" during dating, is it truly necessary to reveal this past act? or if so ,again ,if necessary, at what point, holding hands? kissing? in the bedroom? Do I ask her about her previous encounters? Afterall, dating is just a friendly intro in to potential love.

Matt3046

No And no. Do not tell her and no do not ask about hers (she will tell you, sooner or later and you don't really want to know) And there is no point in telling her about your past, it's just really not that big a deal.

Clough

If anything in the future leads to possibly having sex with this person, then you need to know if she has any STD's for your own safety. Thus, you are both going to have to reveal something about your sexual activity in the past, but don't need to go into detail.

I wouldn't consider the act shameful, unless it was something that went against your religious or moral beliefs. Hey, what you did in the past is in the past. You can always start fresh and new everyday.

Assuming that you both trust each other, if and when you are going to be sexually active with this person would be the time to tell them up front at anytime, just that you have had sexual activty in the past, nothing more. Hopefully, this won't have to happen for quite a while because as you say, something like this, dating is just a friendly way to potential love.

Please be safe rather than sorry.

38yearsold

thank you Clough, very succinct, respectable and obvious was your reply.

38yearsold

clough, thanks for responding to my reply. I was a bit worried that the "obvious" statement at the end of my thank you reply was going to be taken as sarcastic, but obviously you got my true intent. My blogging and "netiquette" is still green. Thanks again for responding.

smoothy

No reason to admit to this any more than you would give the intimate details of previous sexual partners. Some things just don't need to be revealed.

EnglishRose

Personally I like to know how many people someone has had sex with before I have sex with them. If having sex with someone who has only been with one person the one time I would make sure I was extra patient rather than just completely loosing myself in the moment. The way you lost your virginity is part of you so I would expect you to tell me. If you do not tell her I suspect it will pray on your mind and you will make it into a big dirty secret it does not have to be. Maybe she lost hers in a way she is a little shy about too so this might lead her to open up. There would be no need to discuss this at the very begining, but I always think that sex should be talked about before it happens. Not in graphic detail obviously but I like the first time with someone to be relaxed, some where we can stay over night and to know what is going to happen with contraception. That might just be me though, I'm very open about sex.