Hey,

I'm been working on accepting that on some level, I am a bisexual male.

I have had some experiences with a guy, and while I didn't think much of them at the time, I am now questioning myself quite a bit.

I have told my gf of 5 years about all of my experiences, and about all of my recent doubts, and she has been super supportive and a great person to talk to about this.

I still have my doubts about my sexuality, as I tend to be a guy who likes things to be black and white, and so, what are some good things to do about accepting who I am?

Also, I feel pretty comfortable thinking gay or straight thoughts, and I have told my gf and last two gfs as well as the guy I did some stuff with, but should I tell more people?

I'm having a tough time accepting some things, perhaps because I haven't told the world, but at the same time, I don't feel that I should have to tell any and everyone.

I have thought of telling my mom, at the least, and one of my good male friends, and of course it could go from there, but any ideas on a good start?

Thanks!

smoothy

You didn't strike a nerve...however I did want to make clear thats one sure fire way (this strange need to tell the world like you won the Nobel peace prize or something) to alienate yourself among your fellow coworkers that are straight.

And in a general sense most straight people will agree that tossing that in their faces is a sure fire way to generate negative reactions (some extremely negative). Even from those who are not at all homophobic. But staying cool and low key will be the key to acceptance. I mean if a straight guy runs around bragging how he's into golden showers, or domination by rather large women, or strap-ons...or even his latest conquest over the weekend, or how many times he had sex with his wife for that matter he's going to generate negative reactions as well. Some things are best kept to ones self and not told to everyone just for the sake of telling them.

Dennis777

maybe im in a different world (or century as Temple has put it hehehe) but i don't understand why Jester needs to tell people anything until at least he knows what he wants in life. If or when he wants to go public with his sexuality then i agree he should talk to some of the people in his life before they are told by others. Most of the time the people around you already know.

americangayboy

I didn't realize that telling someone that I'm gay is akin to a straight man telling someone that he enjoys getting urinated on. People's personal lives do, in fact, come up at work, at restaurants, at the gym, in church, etc. and if it is relevant to the conversation, I will not hold back that I'm gay nor will I accept intolerance.

I think there is a misunderstanding here in that I don't know what exactly constitutes tossing my sexuality in someone's face. Could you be more specific so I know whether I should be hostile?

smoothy

Well that was just an analogy....how about a straight white man running around telling everyone he decided he was into Asian women....or Black women or rather large women. ( Really no different than you or him deciding to tell everyone you are into men) My point being is running around bragging about it is not what is acceptable. Be it if you are gay or straight, normal people don't run around bragging to everyone and their mother what their personal choice in partners is unsolicited.

Now as long as you aren't going around telling everyone you are gay unless they ask you first, or if you have a T-shirt that says Gay Pride or anything then you aren't tossing it in anyones face. Nothing wrong with admitting it if asked, and if they don't ask then its none of their business. Personally I don't give a hoot if people are gay or not. My only gripe is with those who decide to make spectacles of themselves, not the majority that act as most of the population does and keep their sex lives out of clear public view.

Jesushelper76

I think it is excellant that your being so honest with your girlfriend. Quite honestly I think that is the only person that truly needs to know. Your loving partner. As far as telling the world or anybody else. Is it really anybodies business? Do not feel forced into thinking that you have to tell others, If you feel comfortable with people knowing then feel free but since your questioning telling others, If I were you would keep it too myself.

talaniman

Gay or straight, putting personal business in public is crude and rude, and I question your motives for doing so.

americangayboy

Coming out as GLBT is far different from telling people you are into bigger women or a specific race. First off, there is not a political push to hamper those relationships. Second, being gay is much more than just sexuality; it affects (almost) every aspect of our lives. And third, it is empowering to us to come out because it's showing others that we will not sit back and be abused.

I still don't understand what you mean completely, but I disagree with you in that people should be quiet about it. Is it that you don't like flamboyant men and really butch women? Is it that you would prefer that our partners don't appear in our public lives? Is it the Pride-fest in particular that you don't enjoy? That's what I was asking, because I don't know ANYONE who just goes up to people and says "Hi, my name is Jim. I'm a homo!"

However, it does routinely come up. For example, a lot of people where I grew up call things "gay" or call other people "fag". Am I or am I not justified in saying "I'm gay and I'd prefer that you don't use those words. I find it offensive."? How about when people are talking about race relations, etc. and we add our unique experience as a marginalized community to the conversation? Religion? Even things as benign as TV, movies and music can bring up our sexuality (homophobic sitcoms/movies, rap music). Our queer identities influence many more aspects of our lives than you might have imagined.

smoothy

If you want to piss off your average person shout it out. (trust me you will)...but there is still no reason to throw being gay in everyones face any more than my choice to go out with lets say well endowed petite black women.

Throw anything in everyones face and you are going to get reactions...mostly negative ones. I for one have several gay friends, I have zero issues with their being gay nor any desire to convert them...BUT if someone gets all flamboyant and in my face I'm going to take offense to it.

Politics has nothing to do with it. Social decorum has EVERYTHING to do with it. What happens in your sex life is not the publics business. And its the same for straight as well as gay people.

Treat public behavior as if kids were viewing it (assuming a responsible parent). If its fine for kids to see then its likely not objectionable. That hold true irregardless what your sexual preference might be.

templelane

Smoothy I really don't see how a gay pride parade is throwing it in peoples faces. It's just a street party. Celebrating VE day in Britain isn't throwing it in the German’s face, just like the British don't complain about Independence Day, it's just a community thing. It's also just like any carnival. Like minded people get together and have a good time, usually based on the celebration of the overcoming of an oppressor. It's normal human behaviour which has nothing to do with gloating or forcing anything down anyone’s throats ect.

You say there is no straight pride - wrong - I'm part of one. Mostly to say it exists -granted. Straight pride generally doesn't exist because there was never an oppressor to fight back against.

I still don't understand how coming out to a couple of friends equates to airing private business in public. Americangayboy is right these things do come up in regular conversation. Are you seeing anyone? Common office conversation. It would be nice for someone to be able to say the truth without somebody pretending to be sick (I've seen it) or accusing them of 'throwing it in my face.' Is saying you have a wife throwing your sexuality in someone's face? No, so why should saying you have boyfriend (when male) be labelled as such.

Argh I'm going now I’m getting too irate.

smoothy

Then you are incapable of understanding what the problem is to the majority of the population as Gay pride parades are a freak show for the most part. Even to the few gay friends I have who feel it makes a negative impression on them. Their words not mine.

Don't understand whats wrong with "coming out" to people you know? As a straight person would you be bragging about whatever exploits you might have with women you date? No because this is the reason. What business is it of theirs and what business do you have to be telling it anyway. This is an issue between you and whoever you date. And its nobody else's business to know or be told any more than it is for a straight person to be telling everyone what their exploits are or even what their personal fetishes are. Some things are personal and not public information. If you chose to make that information public by intentionally telling ever Tom, and Harry, then you should not worry about what the repercussions are and there will be some.

Now with that said if someone came up and asked you directly then I see nothing at all wrong with being up front and telling them because that was solicited information. Now your closest of friends then fine....and I do delineate close friends from casual friends or co-workers.

Funny about this coming up in office conversations. I've been in the work force for 28 years worked at about 6 different companies and do not remember it coming up in conversations even once in all that time.