22 and a virgin- why does this bother all the guys I meet?

ordinaryguy · Apr 30, 2007, 07:30 PM

They may be scared off because they get the idea that you'd like for sex to be something really special and meaningful instead of something like a sneeze. Don't worry about it, and don't hop into bed with some guy just to get it over with. You have plenty of time to find a guy who respects you and isn't intimidated by your virginity.

kp2171 · Apr 30, 2007, 10:12 PM

I agree its a shame. In their "defense" much of the attraction to a partner, especially in the beginning, is that primal urge and the excitement of getting know the other person, and that includes getting to know someone physically. Some guys just probably don't know what to "do" with you.

I dated a girl through 2 yrs HS, all college... We didn't have sex until soph year college.. Making me 20. I liked her, loved her, and she just didn't want to have sex... Well, she WANTED to, but she wanted to wait. And we did, until we didn't.

So... I don't have a great answer for you. Is it sad that guys might turn away because you are a virgin? Sure. And on the flip side, is it wrong to interested in satisfying your desires? Not always.

So... I guess you just have to look at it as you haven't met the right guy yet. And only you can decide when is right for you. But I think once you have had sex, it just becomes a part of you... And that alone isn't something that's bad... Just as abstaining isn't "wrong" despite their actions.

1badchoice · Apr 30, 2007, 10:45 PM

I think a lot of these guys feel threatened. By not having casual sex it tells them that your looking for something serious before that happens. A lot of young guys aren't interested in getting serious. Also, the climate we live in has casual sex as the norm. I say good for you for not giving in to social pressures! Be patient in finding that right guy. You might also try developing male relationships as friends only. Letting them know this in advance. As sad as it is that your most precious gift to someone (sexual intimacy) is viewed so flippantly, there are exceptions to this attitude. Stay strong. Cathy

Dard · Apr 30, 2007, 11:33 PM

I personally would feel quite special if a girl gives her virginity to me. I've got no clue why guys should be scared off.
Probably it's just your luck. You don't meet decent guys. First get into a relationship and start building a strong bonding. Make sure the guy's a proper one! After you're close and open , then share your secret with him.

Skell · Apr 30, 2007, 11:49 PM

I can assure you if this boy that is less than 5 years older met you then he sure wouldn't be driven away or find it strange. Not in the slightest. In fact he would have a lot of admiration for you and find it even more attractive that you have so much self respect. The only thing I would feel ashamed of is not living up to your expectations.

You have nothing to worry about. I think this just means that you haven't met a guy yet that is worthy of your time anyway! So don't stress and just continue down the path you have taken so far!

smoothy · May 1, 2007, 04:50 AM

The ones who are "scared away" are likely only looking to get laid as a first thought. If they were drawn to your personality they would not care if you were a virgin or not. Now this is NOT an invitation to lose you virginity. Because a clod that won't go out with you unless you sleep with him is not worth having around.

anam01 · May 1, 2007, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sveltskye

I wasn't exactly sure whether to put this in the dating thread or this one. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin- never been in a relationship, barely dated. The problem is that every guy I meet who's my age (and I'm not interested in anyone more than say 5 years older than me) treats me like I'm the strangest person to ever walk the earth. I'm very attractive and nice, so guys have trouble believing I exist the way I do. I'm not religious, so they're always trying to figure out the mystery of why I haven't been in a relationship before- and the truth is, I don't know either!
All the guys I meet are scared away once they find out that I'm a virgin. I have learned not to tell anyone until I feel like I'm close enough to them, but at the same time, I'm not going to hide it when I'm interested in a guy. Then inevitably they make me feel like I'm inferior for not having much experience. They seem to be afraid that they're going to break me and see me as younger than my age. I feel like I scare away every boy that I like eventually. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty bad about myself, and I kind of dread telling a guy about my lack of experience. My sister and I joke that I have amazing virgin powers to drive boys away. I know its irrational but all this makes me feel like a big freak. Why do guys treat me like this? What is it about our society that everyone is supposed to lose their virginity in their teens?

Because the guys feel that it would be a bit hard to establish relationship first time with a girl who is not yet ready for sex and will be less exotic to go through this experience. So girl you are lucky to be virgin, us could be a good life partner with strong commitment as with your body.

EnglishRose · May 1, 2007, 11:16 AM

The reason these boys run is because they are just that - boys. I'm not saying you need to find an older man, but you need someone more mature. You need to be open and honest with these men from the beginning. This is part of your personality and if they are going to love you then they need to love this about you. The ones just looking for sex will bale at the first hurdle, but this is not the way you want your first time to be. Eventually yopu will meet a decent guy who will respect you for this and be pleased that you are willing to give this to him. Not having had a relationship does not say anything bad about you, it just shows that you know what you want and you are not willing to give in to peer pressure or settle for anything less. I was the same when I was younger and lost my virginity when I was certain

Rockabilly1955mama · May 1, 2007, 11:21 AM

Men are immature horndogs. Well, I shouldn't say that. Haha. But it has no thing to do with you my dear. You just need to find someone that is mature, which is possible.

Best of luck to you!

22 and a virgin- why does this bother all the guys I meet?

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