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novacaine69 · Mar 21, 2008, 03:54 PM

I've been with my boyfriend about 5months now and he's always had a bit of a reputation for sleeping with girls. I'm 18 he's 27. He wanted the relationship and now it's a few months on he doesn't seem to be bothered.hes surrounded by young hot girls because he runs a nightclub. I see him a few nights a week and I have a v.high sex drive, he's not a v.affectionate person a though he says he loves me and lately if we do sleep together (1 a fortnight if lucky) there's no passion lit a 5min job.this makes me feel horrible about myself and I don't know what to say to him. Am I over reacting?:confused:

youcantstop48 · Mar 21, 2008, 04:05 PM

Sweetheart it should be obvious what he wants from you

Choux · Mar 21, 2008, 04:11 PM

Sounds like you were a notch in his belt, not his girlfriend.

J_9 · Mar 21, 2008, 04:20 PM

Yaddya want to bet you aren't his only girlfriend? Hun, he's after one thing and one thing only. Don't give it and see how long he sticks around.

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 21, 2008, 09:12 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you were being used. You might want to get yourself checked too because I believe he has been sleeping with a lot of women. If he CAN get them, he probably is. Your best bet is to get out of it because I am guessing you see more into it than he does.

kp2171 · Mar 21, 2008, 09:39 PM

You aren't overreacting. If anything, you are taking on the chin too much.

If it isn't making you happy, if you aren't enjoying it, then why do it?

He is screwing you and you are letting him. Sometimes that's enough. But you wouldn't have signed on here if that was true.

So... he can say he loves you all he wants. Ask him to get you off. Ask him to pleasure you first. Tell him what you want him to do.

If he refuses, you know where you stand.

Or just cut to the chase and tell him to get himself off...

The problem I have is, why would you wonder if this is OK? I'm not bashing you... just wondering why you think you accept this. I'm guessing he was more attentive earlier on and recently he's changed?

If your lover is acting in a way that you would have never accepted when the relationship began, then its time to rethink the situation.

I'm all for telling the partner what you need. Let them have the chance to do right by you. If they fail or ignore your desires, its time to seriously rethink the relationship.

novacaine69 · Mar 28, 2008, 06:21 PM

The night after I posted this he was drunk and he was very adventurous and selfless and just focused on pleasuring me. However that was over a week ago and even though I've spent every night and day with him the past week he still doesn't seem to show any compassion..
I do wonder if he's sleeping with other girls but he assures me with his word he's not, once again am I being gullable

novacaine69 · Mar 28, 2008, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

you arent overreacting. if anything, you are taking on the chin too much.

if it isnt making you happy, if you arent enjoying it, then why do it?

he is screwing you and you are letting him. sometimes thats enough. but you wouldnt have signed on here if that was true.

so... he can say he loves you all he wants. ask him to get you off. ask him to pleasure you first. tell him what you want him to do.

if he refuses, you know where you stand.

or just cut to the chase and tell him to get himself off...

the problem i have is, why would you wonder if this is ok? im not bashing you... just wondering why you think you accept this. im guessing he was more attentive earlier on and recently hes changed?

if your lover is acting in a way that you would have never accepted when the relationship began, then its time to rethink the situation.

im all for telling the partner what you need. let them have the chance to do right by you. if they fail or ignore your desires, its time to seriously rethink the relationship.

Thank you for your advice however people seem to think he's using me for sex, but the\ point I'm making is the lack of it, its like he never wants sex.

N0help4u · Mar 28, 2008, 06:30 PM

To put it in a sentence... It don't get any better!

He is using you as Choux said a notch in his belt.
If he were into you you would feel some passion or some connection.
Learn with guys like this you can never believe what they say. He is trying to sweet talk you into trusting him but what good is trusting where there is no soul connection anyhow?

talaniman · Mar 28, 2008, 06:58 PM

I see him a few nights a week and I have a v.high sex drive,

You are one booty call of many. Do you ever hang out, or go on dates, or does he introduce you to his friends, or take you in his social circle? If the answer is no, like I said, booty call.

kp2171 · Mar 28, 2008, 10:15 PM

Screwing you when its convenient for him still isn't OK.

He may not be using you for sex a lot... but it still seems like he is using you...

Honestly, I don't care if he can get you off everyday, every time... the relationship doesn't seem healthy, no matter whether you are getting yours or not... so why stay when you clearly aren't getting yours?

Money isn't a reason to stay. You might need to live in a different standard... OK. If you are serious about having a healthy life and love I'm thinking that you might need to be willing to do the hard work it might take to earn that life you want.

My mother had me at 16. She didn't graduate from HS, she earned a GED. It took her a dozen years for her to really find a path... today she makes as much as a new college grad. It isn't the ritz... it isn't McD's... it took time and effort.

So... he isn't using you for sex until he is using you...

Just doesn't seem like enough to me. I think you keep selling yourself short. You are likely much more capable than you give yourself credit for.

novacaine69 · Apr 29, 2008, 09:26 PM

That's the thing he does and he introduces me to all his mates and that, I've recently been staying at his as I am between moving homes and each night we share a bed yet he's still got no sex drive, although he still texts his ex's and assures me that he isnot interested in them in that way.yet he's not interested in me either, I've bought underwear waxed you name it.
I don't know what to do, if I approach him he just says he's not in the mood.

novacaine69 · Mar 7, 2009, 07:23 PM

Just to update,
We broke up shortly after this,
However we got back together and engaged! We live together and are expecting a little 1 in a few months time,
I'm guessing something heavy hit him on the head and I don't make excuses for him anymore, got some guts.

talaniman · Mar 7, 2009, 10:24 PM

What changed?

shyfoxie · Mar 8, 2009, 10:48 PM

Look, it's possible to want sex from someone, but not really care about it. In fact, a guy who just wants you for sex might pay less attention to you because there's not real passion. A guy who's really into you probably won't have that problem.

Look, if this relationship doesn't make you happy, you may want to rethink it. I know it sounds harsh, but you are young and probably attractive, and there are better options out there.