Quote:
| Originally Posted by Michelle Miller NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How long ago was it that your baby was adopted? Maybe if your baby is only a few days. Why didn't you figure out what you wanted before you signed the papers the adoptive parents are humans with feelings too! I understand that the birth mother should have the right to decide to keep her child. I mean it is her child but, once you have told a family they can have your child. They have been planning on having a baby just like a mother having a child would buying all kinds of things for the baby. Taking the baby back after you have convinced these people that they are gonna be parents is just cruel. Why didn't you make up your mind before you signed the papers. If the baby has been with these people for a few years the AP are the babies parents to your baby. These are the only parents this baby has ever known. In fact the other day I was looking at a 5 month old and how her eyes lit up when she saw her mom and father. If this baby is already about 5 months old I am sorry you are no longer his or her mom. I know you are hurting but, to take the baby back would be cruel to the baby and adoptive parents. I am sorry to take the baby back now would be selfish unless you were forced into adoption. That is how I feel. I just don't understand and I think it is so wrong when I hear bm say well it is okay if I put it up for adoption because if I change my mind I have 10 days. Do you not realize you are also breaking these people's heart not to mention their wallet. If you are unsure wether you can go through with it or not don't tell them they can adopt the baby unless you are sure. |
You're assuming she CHOSE adoption.
Her rights may have been severed, for some reason.
However---since you addressed it:
Coercion in adoption is subtle--you're practicing it yourself! I mean, those POOR adoptive parents, how they'll HURT if the baby they've been planning on doesn't get to be THEIRS after you TOLD them it COULD be! Shame on you! How can you hurt their feelings like that?? You should just go through with it, because it's better for your baby (that you carried for 9 months) and better for the adoptive parents, and you'll eventually get over this adoption and have other kids and everything will be A-Okay for everyone! I mean, think about your BABY!! Don't you want your baby to have TWO parents? Don't you want her to have the things you can't buy? Isn't it better for everyone if you just hand over that baby right now, young lady, because YOU can't be a good mother, not when you're still in high school and you can't hold a job and your parents SAY they'll help, but who will be there to help you when you have to study for a test and the baby won't stop crying because it has colic and your mom needs to sleep because she has to work in the morning so that she can help support this new mouth that you brought into the house...(deep breath)...I mean, really---how COULD you even THINK about keeping your baby?
(yes, that paragraph was deliberately run-on. It's meant to NOT give someone reading it time to THINK about it, just react to it, just like in a real adoption.)
On the other side of it, I don't think that adoptions should be rushed like they are, handing the baby over right after birth (because it's better to not get "attached"--as if you didn't in the womb) to the adoptive parents who are DYING to experience those first few months and bond with the baby. Foster care for the first several months with visitation for both birthfamilies and adoptive families is a better idea.
Because really--you don't KNOW what you're signing away when you sign those papers. They tell you that you're relinquishing your baby--but they don't tell you you're relinquishing EVERYTHING--the baby, the childhood, the title "mother", the respect of others (because you couldn't possibly REALLY love your baby if you could give her to strangers)....so many things they don't even TALK about before relinquishment.
And yeah--it generally hits about 5-6 months later what you are REALLY giving up--because that's about the time that the adoptive parents get tired of giving monthly updates, when it finally hits home for THEM that their baby isn't completely theirs--they have to share with the birthmom forever. Of course, they COULD just break all the promises they made to her to get their hands on her baby, since legally there's nothing to enforce them---so many do. They close the adoption, usually between the 1 year mark and the 4 year mark. They just....disappear.
Anyway....to the OP:
We need to know if this was a voluntary relinquishment, or if it was a court-ordered severance. We need to know what state you're in. We need to know the circumstances around the adoption. We simply can't answer your question without more information.
Linear Mode
