To tell or not tell the child they are adopted

philaman · Aug 19, 2007, 04:37 AM

We have young children but as they grow older I am concerned whether we should tell them they are adopted or hope they do not discover. My cousin who is older than I stll feels she is bio yet the family knows different. What are your thoughts

philaman · Aug 25, 2007, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I have couseled hundreds of children and young adults that were adopted.

Thowing aside the ones where the adopted families were abusive or where they divorced. But the ones that were as normal family as we could expect, the older you tell them the more thier desire to find thier "real parents" to fill a empty part of thier person.
The more younger you tell them, and the more part of making it special to them, the more they understand the adoptive parents are the real parents and the less desire to find anything missing.

The titles adoptive son or the such is never used "ever" but the fact they were shows they are even more speicial since they were picked not just a child that you had no choice in picking out.

Thank you your comment has answered things that i thought but overlooked...appereciate it

SPenyweit · Aug 25, 2007, 03:31 PM

Tell. "The truth will set you free", "Scratch a lie find a thief" these are all sayings, but they are true. "Set it free, if it returns then it was always yours, if not it was not meant to be" Weird I know, but they are true from many peoples trial and errors. You do not have tpo make the mistake many others have made..."Do the right thing". You know what it is and what it feels like, and although the repurcussion may not feel good at first, eventually the situation will resolve itself because of your honesty, genuiness, and good (on the inside and out).

PLEASE RATE MY ASNWERS

kt1205 · Aug 25, 2007, 03:33 PM

they should know the truth. they may start to notice things one day anyways and find out and be mad that you never told them

lynnfarnham632002 · Dec 4, 2007, 08:27 AM

I feel that it is better to be honest with that person so that they can make their own opinion. I was adopted and was told that my mother was my aunt, and my siblings were my cousins. I now have a good relationship with my brothers and sisters. But my mom passed on to a better place and I did not get to know her as well as I should of. I feel that I got cheated. If this can help you with your decision. if you would like to talk you can e-mail me. Just put adoption in the IM box ok hun? Sincerely Lynn. I also have a question on here if you can help me or want to lok at it.



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