i was adopted in 1956 at hennipen co. minneapolis mn i have recently founf my birth mothers family but nothing on my birth father, he wasn't listed on my birth certificate. none of my mothers family seems to recall his name, not even my mother i'm concerned that they don't want me to know or they just don't know. i feel its almost a secret. when i set out to find my birth family, i wanted to find my father as well. i really want to find my father. i have more info in detail but, its more than i want to print. please help!!!

Paragraphein

dpaulson...

Have you been able to get any non-identifying info on your father? Either through the agency, attorney, or your mother's family?

Even if you find out approximately what age he was at the time of your conception... you could browse your mom's highschool's yearbooks... start digging into the places she used to go.

Have you tried writing a heart-felt letter to your mother and her family about why you need to know about your father?

I'm sorry this is so hard. It's insane in this day and age that adoptees still don't have these basic rights to their info.

Fr_Chuck

She for her reasons does not want to remember or have to think about it.
What was her reaction of meeting you ?

And of course there is no basic right as parapraphein is talking about, the rights is for the parents giving up the child, so that their privacy will be protected.

Paragraphein

We don't want our (man-made) "right" to privacy, FrChuck. We want our kids to have THEIR (inherent) right to know about their origins.

By the way, I do believe you're confusing right to privacy (from the government) with the (totally nonexistent) right to anonymity (from our children).

We were never promised anonymity NOR privacy.

twomuttsmom

Having been in the same situation as yourself, and also adopting 2 children of my own, I certainly understanding the curiosity you are experiencing.

It was a fluke that I learned I was adopted and my mother was tight lipped about the details. Only when I was in college, did his name slip out from a family friend. This pushed the drive to find him harder. And I did. And I thank God he gave me the daddy that adopted me.

I wouldn't encourage sneaking around, but explain to your mom why you want this information. There may be some tough issues that go along with your mother's pregnancy. And that may be why she isn't talking. It might be someone it should not have been or it might have been a harmful situation for her. At some point, you will get your answers, probably when you least expect it. Then use that new knowledge and go find your father. Prepare yourself for anything to happen.

I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up.

twomuttsmom