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conrad7angel · Dec 9, 2009, 11:31 AM

My sister is a single mom with two children and a new born. She has a hard time raising the first two, and had her heart set on adopting the third one out to give him a better life. This is what she wanted even before the baby was born. My husband and I wanted to adopt him, because we have no children of our own and can willingly provide for him. However, she thought it would be much easier to adopt out the baby to someone outside the family. Therefore, we said we would support her either way. My sister searched and found the perfect family so she thought. Since his day he was born he until now he was with them, but she just cannot go through with it and face not seeing him ever again. Now my sister wants him back and a part of our family.
We told her she needs to make a decision and fast before it gets more complicated. That is when she asked us if we would reconsider on raising him. My husband and I thought it over and we both agreed on adopting him as our son where my sister and her kids can be apart of his life. This is what we all want, my question is how do I go about all this and will it cost us anything, if so around how much?

Synnen · Dec 9, 2009, 11:49 AM

Has your sister already relinquished parental rights?

If so, you're probably out of luck.

What has LEGALLY been done regarding the newborn so far?

I suggest that you get a lawyer for adoption procedings--IF she hasn't already relinquished parental rights.

You don't say how old the child is--but please remember that you are now trying to take a child away from adoptive parents who have probably spent a small fortune for the chance to raise your nephew.

You, your sister, and a lawyer need to sit down and determine what is best for your NEPHEW at this point.

asking · Dec 9, 2009, 11:57 AM

You need to consult an adoption lawyer asap. If you can afford to raise him, you can afford to pay something now to make sure it gets done right. You want things to be clearcut.

Considering your sister's ambivalence, I think it's very important that you have an explicit understanding about how this will work. The adoption lawyer should be able to recommend topics to explore and agree on. If your sister becomes upset when you are trying to explore what you are each agreeing to, I would consider that a bad sign.

I have a friend who received an egg from her sister (so her daughter is a sort of niece) and also adopted a baby from a stranger. In both cases, she did lots of thinking and reading before going ahead. I think it's worked out well. And her daughter is really happy that her cousins are also her half sisters. But my friend also didn't adopt several children she could have. She was very thoughtful about how she went about this.

Synnen · Dec 10, 2009, 11:35 AM

I would just like to point out that this sort of situation is EXACTLY why I believe that ALL birthmothers should have at least 3 counseling sessions before they're allowed to relinquish their rights.

Another question I have on this, by the way, is where is the birthFATHER in all of this?