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beebebyblood · Mar 6, 2010, 11:05 PM

My friend is 1 month pregnant, and the father wants nothing to do with the baby. She already has 1 kid and can't raise another one on her own. I am considering adopting her baby, and am only 21. She has talked to an adoption agency and knows about what steps to take. But what do I do. And what if she changes her mind?

Synnen · Mar 7, 2010, 11:59 AM

If she changes her mind, you're out of luck.

You need to talk to a lawyer for a private adoption, generally.

dontknownuthin · Mar 22, 2010, 07:19 PM

I agree with Synnen. Most states require something called a "home study". This is a comprehensive study of your readiness to parent and includes many components such as visits to your home to see where the child would live, an assessment of your financial circumstances (tax returns and such), meetings with counselors to assess your mental and emotioanal readiness to parent, sometimes a physical, long questionnaires, sometimes references from people who know you well, criminal background checks and more. You do have to pay for all of this to be done. You also need an attorney, and typically the adoptive parent also pays for the birth parent's uninsured medical expenses and legal expenses related to the adoption. If this person is a close friend, it can be very difficult to maintain the friendship after the placement as it will change EVERYTHING between you.

You are very young and I do wonder if you are settled enough to take on this responsibility, particularly on a financial level. Consider that child care for an infant is about $200 per week. Add diapers, formula, health insurance, several wardroabs a year, car seats, toys and more - it's really, really expensive to have a child. Also consider how it will impact your future relationships - most young men aren't interested in women with children, and you'll find you will have to give up a lot of your social life and be somewhat isolated as your friends your age will not have children yet.

I think she should pursue other options and while you have a heart of gold to consider this, you should probably wait until you have a child on your terms when you are ready and it is planned.