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Does the father of my unborn child have any rights?

Asked Jun 12, 2012, 10:53 AM — 23 Answers
I am currently in a relationship with a man who is the father of my unborn child and he has expressed that the only way he will support me is if I have an abortion. Unfortunately because of my moral belief and standing I cannot bring myself to do this, and he knows this. We had a discussion about it and we had decided that we would give our unborn child up for adoption. We are currently between homes, neither of us has any form of income, and because of mistakes I made before I met him I do not have my high school diploma. We are currently living in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, we are both 19 (I just turned and he will be 20 this fall). He has refused to help with any part of the adoption process and whenever I have mentioned him voluntarily terminating his rights he has threatened to walk out on me. He has also made comments in anger about me just leaving the baby in the hospital, or me taking a tumble so things can go back to normal. I have had one miscarriage and he knows this, it is a major part of the reason I won't have an abortion and knowing that I will be giving up this baby is going to have a massive negative effect on my psyche. Seeing as I already feel as though I'm losing another child. Our relationship has become so volatile that whether or not I had an abortion I do not feel as though we will be staying together, not so much a matter of if as it is of when. So is there any way for me to proceed with an adoption without his consent or a termination of his rights?

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23 Answers
JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,437, Reputation: 23563
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#2

Jun 12, 2012, 10:56 AM
The father HAS to consent to the adoption in order for it to take place - or else he could come back in the future and disrupt the lives of the child and the adoptive parents. I'm sure you don't want that. He will be notified by the Court and then he can give his consent to the adoption. You HAVE to put his name on the birth certificate or you are committing fraud.

IF he is threatening you ("taking a tumble") or anything else you MUST go the Police.

Can you get away from him?
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almostsinglemom's Avatar
almostsinglemom Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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#3

Jun 12, 2012, 11:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
The father HAS to consent to the adoption in order for it to take place - or else he could come back in the future and disrupt the lives of the child and the adoptive parents. I'm sure you don't want that. He will be notified by the Court and then he can give his consent to the adoption. You HAVE to put his name on the birth certificate or you are committing fraud.

IF he is threatening you ("taking a tumble") or anything else you MUST go the Police.

Can you get away from him?
Unfortunately the only other place I could go he introduced me to the people and he often visits them. I also don't know that they would even still welcome me in their home if I left him. I can't go to any of my family in the area, because the have all disowned me. So unless I'm going to survive on the streets I don't have anywhere else to go. He won't directly threaten me but he will say things like I hope you fall down the stairs, or I hope you get jumped and kicked/punched in the stomach.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,607, Reputation: 37031
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#4

Jun 12, 2012, 11:18 AM


Go to a homeless shelter, he has no rights till the baby is born, so you do not need permission to kill the child before it is born.

You need to get away from this man as fast as you can and as soon as you can. He does not have job, is not supporting you, and even sounds dangerous.
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almostsinglemom's Avatar
almostsinglemom Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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#5

Jun 12, 2012, 11:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
Go to a homeless shelter, he has no rights till the baby is born, so you do not need permission to kill the child before it is born.

You need to get away from this man as fast as you can and as soon as you can. He does not have job, is not supporting you, and even sounds dangerous.
That's the thing I want to give the baby up for adoption. HE'S the one that wants the abortion. He wasn't like this until I told him that I refused to have an abortion. Since I have already stayed LaCrosse's Salvation Army I'm not allowed back until November. Under LaCrosse law I'm not experiencing "domestic violence" so I'm not eligible to go to New Horizons, and my only other option would be Gerard Hall, and they are already over capacity. So I would be on the streets. I can't go forward with an adoption unless I am the sole guardian or he will fill out the paperwork. He has already said that he will not come to the hospital when I have the baby either.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,437, Reputation: 23563
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#6

Jun 12, 2012, 11:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by almostsinglemom View Post
Unfortunately the only other place I could go he introduced me to the people and he often visits them. I also don't know that they would even still welcome me in their home if I left him. I can't go to any of my family in the area, because the have all disowned me. So unless I'm going to survive on the streets I don't have anywhere else to go. He won't directly threaten me but he will say things like I hope you fall down the stairs, or I hope you get jumped and kicked/punched in the stomach.

I would get in touch with my family and beg if you need to - this is no way to live.

I actually know someone affiliated with a very helpful Church in your area - how serious are you about this? She no longer posts on AMHD but I could find her if I needed to.
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Wondergirl's Avatar
Wondergirl Posts: 31,371, Reputation: 24163
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#7

Jun 12, 2012, 12:01 PM


Have you called Catholic Charities? 3710 East Ave South La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 782-0710 -- Welcome to Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse, Wisconsin
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almostsinglemom's Avatar
almostsinglemom Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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#8

Jun 12, 2012, 12:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
I would get in touch with my family and beg if you need to - this is no way to live.

I actually know someone affiliated with a very helpful Church in your area - how serious are you about this? She no longer posts on AMHD but I could find her if I needed to.
I have begged my family and it was made painfully clear that if I contacted any of them in any way again I would be receiving a restraining order. I am serious about the adoption, I have already begun looking into a few agencies and just need to find a way to retain an adoption attorney, then pick a family. But any additional help would be both greatly appreciated and not un-needed.
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almostsinglemom's Avatar
almostsinglemom Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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#9

Jun 12, 2012, 12:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
Have you called Catholic Charities? 3710 East Ave South La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 782-0710 -- Welcome to Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse, Wisconsin
I have no phone, so all contact with agencies is done on the computer through my email. Since I have computer access through the libraries in my area.
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JudyKayTee's Avatar
JudyKayTee Posts: 45,437, Reputation: 23563
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#10

Jun 12, 2012, 12:07 PM
Let me get in touch with her -

IF you find an Attorney that Attorney may very well be able to arrange to have your living expenes paid. That is not the least bit unusual.
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