At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My name is Maggie. I just got married and a major event such as that made me wonder if my biological parents wonder what I'm up to? This has happened a lot during my last couple birthdays...wondering if they know how old I'm turning and stuff. I don't have one bit of information about them, just that I was born in San Diego and I'm part Hawaiian and African American. Does anyone know where I can do sort of a 'reverse' search to see if my bio parents have posted anything in hopes to find me? I'm just wondering, that since I'm their kid, we'd have to be somewhat alike, so maybe they're as curious as I am?
try appealing to the state records to see if you can obtain names, i do not know the situation of your bio parents at the time of adoption, but they may or may not want contact. some adoption records are "sealed" and you may not be able to get any information at all. however, you are of legal age and may be able to get all the info you are seeking.
They generally have an option for you to give the information that you have and then try matching you with biological parents that may be looking for you.
As a birthmother---I'm SURE that your biological mother wonders about you, and hopes you are doing well, and thinks about you often.
I hate to be the one to put any rain on this but not all biological parents want to be reconnected with their birth child. Some feel that once the adoption is done, that is final and they go on with their life. So if you do search and find them, please be aware that they may not want to establish contact. Who knows the circumstances surrounding your birth mother's pregnancy and her relationship with your birth father? Could be something traumatic or sorrowful. Could be that they are not even in contact with each other and prefer it that way.
Yes, there are many stories out there of happy reunions. But do place any over realistic expectations on either yourself or your birth parents. For your personal sake, I do wish you great success and happiness in finding them.
If you know the adoption agency that handled your adoption, try there. Your parents would remember the name. If the record is sealed. you may not gain access. You might be told that there would be a fee to search the whereabouts of the birth parents and then if they are found, the contact to them is from the adoption agency - not you. The agency would tell them you are searching for them and ask for permission to tell you who and where they are.
Oh, I agree...not all birthparents want to reconnect.
It's not always about trauma from the time of birth or conception, either--sometimes it's that no one in her current life knows about the fact that her child was placed for adoption, and she doesn't want her life in chaos again.
That being said--I have YET to meet a birth parent that doesn't think about and hope the best for the child they placed, whether or not they ever want to meet that child again.
I agree, Synnen. Birth mothers pray they are doing the right thing for that child. Perhaps saving them from a drug filled life, a violent home, an alcoholic parent, extreme poverty, etc. Also, there are those situations where the parent is not given a choice - the state has already stepped in.
Yes, birth mothers think of the child more often, but not all want to be found, Some may not have told a husband about a child from thier past.
Others don't want to remember a rape, or a one night stand or be reminded of some youthful wildness.
Men while some do, many men don't want to remember thier children from marriages that they are suppose to pay support for, and are less looking than mothers.
But these are just averages, some do some don't, just like adopted kids, many are very happy with thier parents who raised them
i dont know about your mom or dad, but im very curious about the daughter i gave up.
every year on her birthday i wonder what she is doing . i'm sure they r wondering about you also
Maggie,
As I see that everyone has their own opinion about this from reading the postings, I will give you mine. I am 46 years old and at the age of 17 got pregnant. I gave birth to a baby girl in February of 1978. In this time period in the south, there just wasn't as many options as there are today. My parents, especially my mother was more worried about what others would think, so I was forced to give my daughter up for adoption. I can tell you, that not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I can't explain why it has taken me so long to begin to look for her, except for the fact that I carried a lot of resentment towards my mother over that decision that I was forced to make. My mother passed away a few years ago and my father has been deceased over 10 years now. I think I finally feel free to do what I wanted to do back then, but was scared and intimidated. I can't say for sure that your mom and dad think of you, or even want to be contacted, but as a mother I can't imagine that she wouldn't want to see you and doesn't think of you constantly. With that said, I just contacted the agency that handled my daughters adoption. What I was told is that with a closed adoption, as a birth mother, the only thing I can do is write my daughter a letter and send it to them. They will put it with her original sealed birth certificate and if she ever requests her original birth certificate they will then give her the letter. They also sent me a form to fill out and have notarized stating that I wish to be contacted if ever my daughter wants contact with me. I have to put my name, address, and so on.
If you truly want to find your birth parents, I say check with the agency and the state vital statistics periodically to see if your birth parents have left a letter or submitted a form. Just prepare yourself for either situation, meaning they want to see you or they don't, just so you are not blindsighted. Best of luck to you and I hope all of you are reunited, soon. From a birthmother to a birthdaughter, you are always in their heart.
You know what? I've been searching for my biological parents for years without my adoptive parents' knowledge, and have come up with nothing! The more I try, the more I get frustrated and sad. Do they even know what I look like? If I were them I would be looking for me too. I wish you all the best and hope you have better luck than me.
Linear Mode
