At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years on June 1st 2008. We were going out for 2 years before that and have known each other for years....
He is a heroin addict. We have a two year old son together who is sooo awesome!
My husband is currently is jail for heroin possesion (which of course wasnt his fault, he was trying to help a friend and his girl out).
He has been through every kind of rehab and I have stuck by him and supported him both financially and emoitionally.
Children and family services are now involved and are recommending that he not come home to the house (which was mine prior to us getting together).
I think (and hope) I'm done with " being there" for him. He is never there for us and has done nothing but continued to lie over and over again. He has pawned everything multiple times and is begging me to bail him out but I continue to say no except for the time he said I wouldnt need any money to bond him out. I said " how's that possible?" he said they will put a lein on the house.. that's when I said more than just " no" but "Hell No!"
My question is this.... Isnt it true that he will probably always continue to go back to the drug? he's been detoxed and clean many times but he never wants to do the work it takes to stay clean. I think it also has to do a lot with RESPONSIBILITY. He doesnt want it.
So I think it's better to move on while our son is 2 1/2 because when he comes in and out of our life it really hurts. I see that it ois starting to affect our son so I think it's time to say goodbye.... What do you think?
Yvette
You are right. Enough is enough till he just plain ole proves himself. If you are willing to wait to see if that happens, then thats fine with me, but for now, I think you need him to stay away till he proves himself. I am talking a year, two or even three to get himself together and be the man he wants to be or you need him to be. Good luck!
He may improve and he may not. It depends on how much you are willing to put up with. It sounds like he has never truly gone down the path and made it to the end for the permanent improvement that he needs.
Time for some tough love! You have your life to live and also raise a son for whom you are there and love.
Not all things between people staying together are meant to be. It has been noble of you to "be there" for him for as long as you have. But, it would seem that is a crutch to which he has become used to having. Time to not give him his crutch anymore and give him an ultimatum of either he gets his act together or the two of you need to part company.
I remember my mother telling me about her mom and her husband (my grandfather) whom I never knew, because he died many years before I was born. My grandfather was a heavy drinker. My grandmother had had enough. She gave him an ultimatum, either quit or that was it concerning the relationship! He quit.
If your husband truly cares about you and your son, then he will complete the path to truly being clean.
He may, many drug addicts do, but then many never do either. There is o way to tell. I would put the simular demands on him, he has to stay clean for one or two years before he could come home if that is a option.
But I will say this and it is going to be rude, was he an addict when you started dating, was he a addict when you married him, and was he an addict when you had a child together. If the answer is yes, why do you expect him to change
That's not rude... It's a good question and the answer is yes to all 3.
He wanted to quit soooo bad... or at least he led me to believe that he wanted to quit and I fell for it. You know us women, always trying to help someone.
but you are correct, why would he change when he's so use to getting the best of both worlds? I think I also felt sorry for him. We'll now I feel sorry for myself because I'm the one who is left to clean up all the crap.
You deserve a fresh start, he can make a lot of promises, but he hasn't kept any, Right. Give you and you baby a new life. Don't trust him. You will eventualy resent the fact that you wasted so much time on a losing game. Start a new life and give you and your child a fresh start! Good luck, and stay strong, don't look back, look ahead!
Quitting for you or for your son will not work for your addict. Rehab will not work. Not until he wants to do it for HIMSELF! I am married to a recovering heroin addict. He began recovery 2 1/2 years ago and has had no relapse...that's because he is working a 12-step program and truly desires to be clean. I'm new to this site and don't know the rules, so I don't know if I can name the programs, but they DO WORK. There are also 12-step programs for the families of the addicts. I am personally involved with one of these and have found the trust and love and companionship again with my husband that the heroin had taken away.
I just wanted to remind you how strong and purehearted you are. I have the same problem with my boyfriend of six years, except with oxycontin. I know how devestating this can be. Just remember who truly is more important, and that has got to be your son. Stay strong and good luck with it all.
By reading the posts above I can see you don't have to go through this alone.
All the responders are with you on your decision to rectify the situation by steering clear of the the man for a certain amount of time and clearing up your life first.
IF(and if is the key word) he ever cleans up his act, you can make a new decision on which direction you want to go in the relationship with him,till then,stay on the path your on and keep looking for the next proper path to take for you and your son.
I am so glad that you are not into drugs and it's just him. There is nothing more heartrendering than a woman who loves a man who loves something else (like booze or drugs). You can't change him. Only he can change him. He probably does not have the character to leave the drugs alone and probably never will. I would walk away from him if you can and start over with a person who is more deserving of a good woman. It's hard to go, but if you've put up with him for this long, I am sure you are a strong willed woman who can do the impossible and walk away with a clear conscience.
Good luck!
Linear Mode
