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I'm at a real low point in my life because I think my boyfriend is an alcoholic.
He would never admit it, but isn't that how the problems start?
I have an alcoholic mother who has drunk from the tender age of 16; she is now 68 and is blind in 1 eye and losing sight in the other.
Her health has taken a dramatic fall over the years and she still to this day will swear that she is NOT an alcoholic. Sometimes I could just scream!
I had a crap childhood, I would never dare take friends home through fear of what state she'd be in when I got home from school.
I was a child who had to play the mother role to my younger siblings while Mum drunk herself to the point of passing out.
Now I'm with a man who I believe has a drink problem.
He drinks 6 cans of Stella a day. If he doesn't get a drink, his mood switches and he turns into this evil nasty person
He started drinking at the age of about 14.
Please please can anyone tell me...?
Does this sound like he is an alcoholic? or is he a binge drinker?
He drinks from the minute he gets in from work and on some occasions has stumbled in drunk.
He does this 7 days a week starting as early as 10am on the weekend.
Should I be worried? I know I should be but your responses will help me a great deal when I am able to show him what I've found out.
Your responses would mean a lot to a frustrated and unhappy me...
Wow, here goes one of my stories again, I am sure you all love them so,
What is an enabler? Well it is basically a person that helps the person that is out of control.
I would go get his six packs because he was to drunk to drive. (Enabling)
Call his boss and tell them he had a cold or the flue, (Enabling)
Threatened to leave and never did (Enabling)
Tip toed around his drinking so we would not fight (Enabling)
Picked him up from the bar when the bar tender flagged him and took his keys (Enabling)
Telling people at a picnic that he did not mean what he said, he had a bad week, after he cursed every one out (Enabling)
Forgiving him for driving drunk, speeding blowing the tire and crashing his truck (Enabling)
Forgiving him for burying my truck in the woods in one of his alcohol induced stupidity moments. (Enabling)
Crashing my camaro on a rainy foggy night and blaming it on the weather. (Enabling)
Giving him a towel and rubbing his back while he is praying to the porcelain god of the bathroom. (Enabling)
Asking him to drink just one six pack rather than that 12 pack (Enabling)
Working three jobs to cover the bills because he lost or quit another job (Enabling)
I could fill the page and go on for hour and hours. They will not stop unless they have hit rock bottom.
My alcoholic hit bottom, when I took his keys and would not go to the bar and get him any more beer. With a few AA & Al-anon meetings under my belt, I knew his recovery was up to him. He got on his bike and decided to ride to the bar. I stood there in tears, thinking he would be killed once he hit town, I watched him pedal his drunk @$$ down the driveway and fall over. He laid there at the end of the driveway in the rain flailing around trying to get up. I hate to say this but I left him there in the rain. I watched for awhile, even walked up and checked on him. Once I was sure he was okay I went back in the house. I sat up most of the night watching the end of the driveway. He finally made it back to the house as the sun was rising. I pretended to sleep as he went up stairs. I never called him in to work for the day, I just went to work. This was my husband shinning day that he realized he had a problem.
bizygurl has expressed it in very clear and poignant terms. There is never any judgement at these meetings, only understanding. And I noticed that she said that she will not go through this ordeal again. Total abstinence is the only option.
I dont encorage him and I'm not about to.
I'm not a drinker, Ive never bought him drink and not about to start.
I understand what it is and going by those examples you gave me I can happily say thats not me.
I'm the opposite infact, I've left him lying in drunken heaps and gone to bed.
He knows I will NOT make excuses for his screw ups
I can see how I could end up falling for his bull sh**.
Thankfully I am doing the right things - Phew!
Thanx tho.
Blue
Well guys I said I'd keep you posted. Last night he punched a hole right through my bedroom door. He returned later to tell me he is leaving, the next thing I got his mum on the phone saying " have you seen the state of his arm" etc accusing me of causing him to cause such injuries to himself. He's made me out to be a raving physco, begging his mother to let him move back home asap. When in actual fact he's been sober 3 days and is feeling the strain. Weakness is starting to show and he'll stop at nothing to make it hard for me. So my friends the war is over, he's leaving me. I wont stop him, it's best for everyone concerned that he just goes. As hard as it is to accept but I'm too tired to fight on..... Thanks everyone for your good advice.
Blue
Sweetie, your better off, now that he is getting violent its best that he does leave. YOu never know instead of that wall, next time it could be your face. I think your doing the right thing. He obviously is reacting to being sober in a violent way and you don't want to be anywhere around him if that is going to happen. So happy are advice has helped you! hope to see you around the forums, and good luck with everything. ---bizygurl
So his mommy called to blame you for his problems. Isn't that sweet. Obvisously she is an enabler. So this gentleman has been coddled all his life. As long as he has a lifeline to someone that will tolerate him, he has no compelling need to stop drinking.
I do feel sorry for you. It's hard to be the victim. But you must remember one thing before you make your choice to leave him or forgive him. Even though there was something that attracted you to him, that part of him is only available sometimes, on the other hand he is an alcoholic 100% of the time.
I hope he gets help. It's not until he admits it in his soul he is lying to himself, and you.
You still have alot of healilng to do, there have support groups for spouses of alcholics and they also help those who are seperated from the person. It may help to sit though some of thier groups.
And/or if you belong to some religious group, no matter what the faith, perhaps discussing this with someone at your faith can help
You still have alot of healilng to do, there have support groups for spouses of alcholics and they also help those who are seperated from the person. It may help to sit though some of thier groups.
And/or if you belong to some religious group, no matter what the faith, perhaps discussing this with someone at your faith can help
you ca n still go to Al-anon, it is a good place (O:
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